Why can I just not fit in?

Question

I have just started a new job, and yet again as every job I have ever been in, I just cannot fit in. I use to think it was the people but it's me..

I have never been good at making friends and I have such a huge fear of being disliked and rejected. I always think people laugh at me after I ask them a question because Im not very confident in expressing what Im trying to say very well. I always go out of my way to please people and ALWAYS say yes just so people like me.

IO'm aware I have a mental problem here,but how can I change and be one of those self confident people who don't care what people think?

Answer 1

Try being yourself. I know its deja-vu, but it does work.

Answer 2

Your best bet is to just focus on the work aspect of the job and then worry about friendships and other such frivolities. Besides, you're all there to make money first and foremost. Just give it some time and people will eventually ease up on you.  

Answer 3

just that learn not to care what they think.You are you and you are never going to change that. so start liking and loving you because we are all different that's what makes the world go round.

Answer 4

You sound a lil paranoid that everyone doesnt like you. Try be friendly to everyone in work and then they will surely like you. Everyone always likes a friendly person.

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Answer 5

maybve instead of jumping into the huge oceans of people and trying to socialise when you obviously dont have the skills. try and start small by making small friendship groups and just practice talking. people love being around happy, outgoing bubbly like personalities and i think the main reason that people dont really want to be your friend is becuase you've belived yourself for so long. instead of being all like " nobody likes me, im gonna sit in this hole and cry" try and put yourself out there and recover quickly from those rejections! remeber, you cant get along with everybody, thats for sure but you gotta learn to comunicate with other people before starting friendships.

even a small chat with somebody in the canteen or near the photocopier, practice talking and dont be afraid!

good luck

Answer 6

First of all, what you fear the most and exert the most energy to; you create.

Second of all, who in the h**l wants to blend in when you can stand out. You weren't made to be a cookie cutter version of everyone else, its ok to be diff

No, you do have a problem, a self-esteem problem because you care too much about what these peope think quit givin people that power to hurt you by taking their opinions or rejections as a measurement to validate you.,

They came in this world same way as you and will leave the same way and NO MATTER who you are and where u r from we all put our pants on the same way---one leg at a time .

Just start to realize how awesome you really are. You only get one life. So, enjoy your own company at the least whether or not anyone else does. That would be the saddest thing if you made it through this life and wouldn't even be your own friend.

Best advice ever:

25% of people u meet will NEVER like u and will NEVER be persuaded 2, 25% of people u meet will NOT like u but can be PERSUADED to.  25% of people will LIKE u but can be PERSUADED not to, and 25% of people will LOVE you and will NEVER be PERSUADED not to.  Find you some of those 50% but def some of the last 25% and you will make it just fine.

Answer 7

I had the same challenge - looking for acceptance everywhere I went! I say model Eminem! He's a bit extreme, but once you start reading his song lyrics, you'll know what 'not caring' is about. Don't become Eminem though - you just want to move in his direction, and stop a couple of paces before you truly don't give a d**n anymore! :)

  On a sane note: start giving (money, time, things... anonymously), and also select a few challenges in your life and crush them till they are 'fine powder like'. I promise if you just 'Give and Grow' - you'd get rid of just about all the vices! :)

  You might also want to pick up a good book by say Wayne Dyer, or Tony Robbins, etc. Wayne Dyer - Your Erroneous Zones helped me a LOT :)

P.S. I say give anonymously, so that we avoid looking for acceptance while giving!

Answer 8

Yeah ...I can be that way too.

I read this a while back ...can't remember where ...but this is what you do.

Go to bed earlier than usual.  Before you go to sleep picture yourself on an elevator going down ...way down 50 floors.  Count the floors in elevator time. When you get to the bottom floor imagine yourself in beautiful, wonderful, magical place. It can be a real place you know and love, one you make up or a little of both.  Now  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€Â¦  picture the person you want to be friends with ... imagine a deep blue light shining over both of you as you tell them that you want to be their friend, you wish them and their family well ..and hope for them every success. You do this for as many people as you can ... not assembly line but very personally.  Use whatever knowledge you have of them. This isn't made up BS ...this has to be real honest goodness feelings.

The magic happens the next day ... when you've been thinking good things about somebody ...they can see in your eyes ...and feel it in the air. It truly is magic.

        

Answer 9

Be pleasant to ur co workers, but try not to come across as too eager or desperate. Being a people pleas er will get you used by your coworkers. If you do not like yourself, no one else is going to enjoy your company either. Work on the things about yourself that u do not like. Do it for yourself, and not to "fit in" with others. Once you get busy learning to love yourself, others will not be able to help but like you as well. When u love yourself, your confidence will shine through to others.

Answer 10

It's not easy to feel this way and you may be surprised how many others feel the same, but cover up.

Often people can feel that fear in you and that's why it seems they reject you.  If you can show you like them by your smile and attitude, you'll be more likely to win friends.  Most people want to be liked, just like you do.

You could get to know people one at a time at work if you feel more comfortable.  Perhaps to start with, go out of your way to talk to just one person and ask questions about themselves and about their work.

People like to talk about themselves and it's a great ice-breaker.

Good luck!:)

  

Answer 11

You just have to put away the thought that you're not going to be liked. That you're going to be laughed at. That you're not going to fit in.

Just put it away from your head and try to insert that you're going to be a confident person and you're going to get through whatever.

Do it and eventually it'll be a habit. Then you'd have nothing to worry about because you'll be earning friends in no time.

Hopefully I helped. Because I had once been there.

I learned from my mistakes.