Why cant i just relax into the relationship?

Question

have been wit my man for nearing 2 yrs and we have been living together for about 6 weeks now...in the beginning things where going so well and we were loving the living things..

But for the last couple of weeks we have slipped into a bit of a rough patch and i am not dealing with it all that well....we have decided to start fresh from tonight and he has headed out with the lads tonight which to be honest i was relieved about as i needed a bit of space.

but my question is i dont seem to be able to relax...when we are having a rough time i dont just think ah it'll pass...i every time without fail worry myself ragged and cry myself to sleep worrying that i am going to lose this person...

i mean that can not be healthy can it? its not normal?

Maybe i need to get out and be on my own again, find myself and all that stuff...but then i think about how much i love him and how happy he makes me when thngs are good.

well i am just so confused right now and i dont really know where to put myself or what to think

any revelations from anyone are welcome

Answer 1

are yiu sure this is the man for you

what are your reasons

talk to us at the message board

Answer 2

you sound allittle clingy, maybe he'd like to think he could lose you? If you appeared to be less needy perhaps he'd treat yopu like you ought to be treated. You sound like a great person who deserves a decentguy. If he doesn't wake up, give him an ultimatum, if that doesn't work divorce him. Plenty of men love attentive loving women.

Answer 3

Are you really happy or just used to him? You sound scared to death.

Answer 4

relationship and s*x are just like a game PING PONG if he gives u ping u gotta give a pong ...take one step he will take one...for sometmes u guys are going to have problems but then u will get used to livin together :)

Answer 5

You don't have to leave him to find yourself.  But you should try to get out of the house.  Go have a few drinks with the girls.  You certainly do not need a new guy to find yourself, so why would you leave him?  Just give yourself more you time.  And if he is the smothering type, tell him that you need x amount of time to your self.  And he should respect that.

Answer 6

well why dont u guys spend time away from eachother for a little while...get your head round everything and calm down...think carefully about what u want and talk to eachother honestly. if something is bothering u tell him. crying urself to sleep won't do any good but add to more stress.

hope ive helped

gd luck

Answer 7

relax u seem to be taken this to serous,it takes time you want every thing to be perfect,but that not real life

Answer 8

Always ask God and believe in your prayer. Trust your instinct feelings. If you are scared of losing him, maybe that can be a sign to something coming up.

Answer 9

Well, this is not good. Do you think you are having a morality crisis? This usually happens when we know in our hearts we want one thing but do something waaaaay different.

If you are hoping that this young man will marry you if you share a roof, you are very much mistaken. I am sure you have heard this adage, "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" I know it is an ugly way to say that, but it could be a factor.

Why would you deny your friends and family the opportunity to see you smile as you walk down the aisle in your dream wedding dress, dance the first with your dad.

If this man loves you he will understand and respect you enough to see that a roof over your head does not make a commitment it is the promise in your faith (which ever god you believe in) that you will love, honor and cherish until death do you part.

You two need to talk; and if he is not the one for you it is okay.  

Answer 10

Maybe you're just not ready for this kind of commitment, and you know what? That's okay. You need to be "okay" with yourself, before you can share your life with someone else. Needing space is perfectly fine...especially if you're married.

Worrying about whether or not you're going to lose someone is a difficult place to be in. You have to learn to trust your instincts. You can't control situations that arise. Try to lean back, and let the relationship go where it goes. Worrying about something may be a sign of insecurity.  Maybe you're just not ready for sharing a bed/home with your boyfriend...and remember...that's okay. :)

I'm 43, and I'm not ready to live with anyone right now.

Best of luck to you. :)

Answer 11

I know you love him.  That is the reason why you are worried that you might loose him.. But you yourself was telling that you are relieved with a bit space.  You really need it for you to think of the problem and be relax.  Their are two options in having a space for awhile,  you might realise  you are not meant for each other that you can't leave together, and for  both of you will think for the best of your relationship and in that case you will be more closer and understanding to each other.  Time adjustment and adjustment as well.

Answer 12

are you scared he might leave you. Do ever for a second think he is better than you and you deserve him..if you have these thoughts at times then you will always worry. you might start to believe he loves you even when you fight. he is still with you..take a dance class or go out with some girlfriends to relax

Answer 13

I just skipped over everything after I seen you said youve been living together for 6 weeks. You just moved intogether! Thats a big step. Even if youve stayed at his place and he has stayed at your before, moving in intionally alllways puts stress on a relationship. And 6 weeks, it hasnt been that long of time. When my husband and i moved in, at first it was bliss. We were so excited. Then reality hit and our living together was clashing. There were a few fights! Its jsut natural, you have to get used to living together. You cant give up on something you havent natraully let run its course.

Answer 14

as ive said to others in these pages our immmagination can run rife at the most silly stuff that befalls everyone every where,at any time and all you need to do is harness the imagination that is not true and believe what is realy happening.

in your case it looks like your imagining the worse when actually most things work out for the best IF WE WOULD JUST STOP THINKING.

so the next time your immagination is letting you down just say shutup and move on . and live one day at a time cheers peter.

Answer 15

You should be able to be yourself; without feeling like every-time you guys argue that you'll lose him. Is it something he's saying to make you feel this way? You should address your concerns w/ him without feeling like it's the end of the world..BUT, on the flip side of it; living with him is new and fresh. So it could just be  nervous energy of being something new in your life.....Try not to lose yourself in the relationship;by trying to please a man...if he continues to see this trait in you;some men take it as weakness and will prey on that...Get some rest tonight & address how you're feeling with him...and try to do it without arguing...maybe even over dinner or sitting at a park...I wish you the best.,