Why cant some mothers accept things?

Question

why cant some mothers accept that not everyone raises their children the way they do?

perfect example breastfeeding Vs bottle-feeding. everybody knows that yes, breast is best, but so what if everybody doesn't do it! each to their own!

I'm sick of being judged #1 because I'm 19 (look younger) #2 because i bottle-feed!

my son is absolutely amazing and is thriving. i DID try to breastfeed, but was in extreme pain, and no, i couldn't push past.

older people seem to look at me in disgust when i am out with my son. they don't know my circumstances, and even though my son is clean, fed and extremely happy, i am apparently a bad mother.

does no-one else feel like people should focus more on raising their own children, than trying to interfere with others?

Answer 1

As you would like people to accept you, try also to accept them. Everyone wants to feel that their way is or was valid. Youth is an enviable time of life to which older folk can never return, and motherhood is an especially potent time of life. Naturally there will be people who envy you. Try to just stay positive and enjoy your mothering experience. IF it gets to be too much, perhaps you could approach your naysayers with a smile and say' "I couldnt help but overhear your comments...and I wanted to thank you for the compliments!" Lol That should baffle them!

Answer 2

Oh, you poor thing. I know exactly where you're coming from. My son was tearing sores in my nipples that wouldn't heal no matter what I did and I had so many people telling me to push past it... I was in so much pain when he nursed that I had to stuff something in my mouth to muffle the scream and tears that always came with him initially latching. I came extremely close to giving up. Lucky for me though I saw a lactation consultant that believed me when I told her how bad it hurt and that he WAS latching on properly (she watched him feed and could see he was properly latching). She recommended a nipple shield and it really has been a lifesaver for me.

Anyways, my point is that I know exactly where you're coming from, and don't hold any hard feelings or think less of you because you bottle feed. I can understand completely. *hugs*

What's funny about it is in my case I get criticism for breastfeeding and used to get criticism for not starting my son on solids or putting cereal in a bottle for him when he was a newborn. People act like it's some sort of dirty act to breastfeed, and like I'm some sort of prostitute for doing it.

Older people tend to look at me as being a bad mother, too. You get used to it after a while and simply stop caring (or get a little giggle out of the stares). As long as YOU know you're a good mother and your baby is happy and well cared for, it doesn't matter what other people think.

Answer 3

I was a few months shy of 21 when i had my first and i looked like i was 16.  I felt the same way you do, and for me it was even family, i felt like everyone was watching me all the time.  I know i was a good mom and you are too.  Like you said just ignore them, your baby is clean, fed, healthy, and happy... just do the best you can and enjoy your baby..   I was so nervous i feel like i missed out on some of the joy of my daughters first year or so of life.. don't let that happen to you,.

Answer 4

If You're Happy...I'm Happy! To each Her Own! I personally am a Mother who Breast-Fed and I am happy with my decision too...

Answer 5

My question:

How many "creative" ways are people going to try and word the same, tired rant?

That's life on life's terms.  The sooner you accept it, the happier you will be.  You can't change what other people think of you, so try and change your responsiveness towards it.

Have a nice day.

Answer 6

i feel the same way..i hate when people think i am a bad mom just because i am young or think i need so much help because i must not know how to do it..when i gave birth i hated one nurse that would always wear the necklace that says "breast is best" and even her shirt and badge said it..it bothered me because i could not breast feed not because it hurt but i could not and she just made me feel horrible with out even saying anything..but i agree completely concentrate on raising your own child unless i am hurting mine do not worry about it and keep your thoughts to yourself and your mouth shut..i also hate when people assume teens will be bad moms..i know a 33 year old and a 26 year old that are not that great of moms my friend has her son at 17 and is a great mom age does not matter.yea it is best to wait until you are older but the only time teen moms bother me is when they do not grow up and act like they never had a baby and that is all moms not just teens..sorry going on now but i hope it made sense!

Answer 7

I completely agree with you. I'm 20 and look much younger, and I get dirty looks at my  pregnant stomach all the time. I just want to yell at them and tell them I'm 20 not 15, I have a great job, and I'm marrying the dad who I've been with for years. I don't understand why they take it upon themselves to judge you, what makes them so perfect that they have the ability to judge others.

Answer 8

Ah yes, the Sanctimommy, a breed all her own.  I don't know if this article will help you, but it always makes me laugh

edit: oops wrong link, try this: http://mom-101.blogspot.com/2006/11/sanc...

Answer 9

If you are happy with the way you do things,don't worry about what others think.I chose what I thought was best for me,my child & my family & haven't ever cared what anyone thought of it.I know it can get on your nerves sometimes,but really the best thin you can do is ignore it.As long as you know you are ok with all your choices,no one else's opinions matters.

Answer 10

AMEN! don't listen or look at the people that judge you

obviously there is something wrong with them that they have to sit there and judge you..your son is happy fed,healthy...that is all that is important..your doing a good job.that is all that matter's..

I tried to breastfeed too but my b***s were too big for my son's mouth and I wasn't getting that much out of breast pumping and it hurt..so I went to bottlefeeding.and you know what my son is healthy happy etc.

someone want to judge you just tell them they know where they can stick it lol..

I'm 30 yo and I look like i'm 16 or 18 yo.lol

My hubby and I get alot of looks because of that..

if youi keep letting it get to you..your just going to be miserable because your always wondering about what other people are talking about etc..

hope this has helped..

Answer 11

Lol...if you were 38 they'd be saying you were too old! 19 is the OPTIMUM age for having babies...you are at the most physically strong you ever will be...when your baby is 20 you'll only be 40! I envy you...I am 35 and have a 4 year old and a 5 month old..I have a certain patience that I did not have at 19...but then I was a really immature 19 year old!

Answer 12

Unfortunately thats the society that we live in these days!  You tried breastfeeding which is better than what some mothers do.

You sound like a good mummy so ignore what others think of you xx

Answer 13

If you're not doing anything wrong, then you should not be worrying about what others think.

Answer 14

I think the main reason is, because you look so young. Not because you do anything wrong. There are  a lot of people who are mean and judgmental to whom they think are teenagers. They are rude, because they believe they can get away with it easily. - Maybe you should ask them, why they feel so entitled to pester you, and whether they know your situation at all.

Answer 15

Don't put yourself down. Maybe your just thinking to much into it.

Just remember no one knows your situation so don't worry.

I bottle fed - I'm a single mum to a handsome adorable son - I don't care what people think of me because I know I'm a good mother and my son never goes without.  Let them have the problem with it. at the end of the day your doing your best.

You have have him and he has you thats a unique bond that no one can break.

Take Care hun and chin up :o)