Why cant some "friends" understand that anger is a natural part of any relationship??

Question

so i had this friend who i have known for years.( and who will probably read this and make sum nasty comment but whatever)

well i asked her about 6 months ago to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. i originally wanted her as my maid-of-honor, but had a feeling something like this would happen. well she told me she would "try her best" to get a dress. i sent her links to dresses on clearence. i went with her to try on dresses. she said her mom was going to pay for half of it. i thought everything was all good. her "husband" makes very good money. they had talk about getting a dog. they got a house. they just bought a new car. they just got a bearded dragon. so here i thought everything was fine and would be afforded no problem. well last night she tells me, 20 days prior to the wedding, that she cant do it!! so now i have to cut a groomsman. and i reacted with hurt feelings and told her how i cant understand how when rich makes what he does and you guys have been doin what you doin why u couldnt put $10 aside each month to save up for a dress?! was that too much to ask for? so she writes me back calling me ALL SORTS of nasty names, prooving our friendship meant nothing.

so my ? is, why is it that some people just cannot accept that just because you are mad, doesnt mean you wont get over it. why is it that any sign of anger or hurt feelings result in a loss of a friendship?

wouldnt a good friend just given me some time to cool off?? i didnt call her any names, didnt tell her to f off like she did to me. none of that.

Answer 1

Well if your raised in a family like I was, anger is considered inappropriate. You can only imagine the problems that it has caused me.

Anyway, she too will learn from this and see that you can get angry with her and life will move on all will be good if she is willing to try. Some people are more sensitive and insecure so if you do care for her as a friend you may at some point want to let her know you value her as a person and as a friend. You truly may help her learn, as a friend should, that friends are forever.

Answer 2

The first problem here is alot of hypocritical talking. I am this "friend" she speaks of and wants to talk about here instead of talking with me. First of all when she asked me, she told me it was because she had somene else in line, but found out that they weren't so much of a friend so now she has a spot open that needs to be filled. So, I was just a fill in.

Second, RIGHT after she asked me, I told her I didn't think it was a good idea because money has been tight and I didn't want it to get too close and her find out I couldn't. She insisted that I try, so I said I would try my best. She was again told throughout this whole time that things are rough and I just didn't think it would happen, but yet I tried. Yes, finally a few days ago I told her I couldn't, that it was just not going to happen. My mom had to get her car fixed and could no longer pay half, my fiance has had some health problems that have been getting some much needed attention, and I myself just didn't think it could happen with gas prices and my new car. WE did not get a new car - I did. Yes, I have a new used car. I HAD to get a new car. My old vehichle was literally on its last leg and I didnt have a choice in the matter. If I wanted to continue working and going to school, another vehichle was a must. I had to do alot for this new car including borrowing money from family members in which a contract was signed on when I had to pay the money back.

WE did not get a new house, it is his grandma's house. We are staying here because she was put into a nursing home and the family didn't want the house empty. HE pays ALL the house bills, plus his truck pyments, plus insurance, plus he gives me money when its needed and he has it. WE did not get a bearded, I got a bearded dragon. I adopted him, got him TOTALLY free. The person who gave him to me even payed for more supplies when I picked him up. I have payed maybe a total of $7-10 total for him. I have even gotten his food free from work because he was an adopted pet (I work at a petstore).

If I had the $10 to put aside I would have. I also have a daughter to pay for....I think, I know she is more important than a dress I will wear once.

Yes I did say all sorts of nasty things. I told her from day one I didn't think it was a good idea. Now that I am correct on the factor that I new from the beginning she went off telling me I wasn't  true friend, and that I didn't try hard enough. No she left out curse words, but some have a nack of making you feel like total sh&t with out saying it. She made accusations and assumtions about my life, my relationship, and my family. I was pissed. Just as pissed as she was, but I don't have a right to express myself? So I used curse words, so what? She said I should have known she would get upset. Yes I knew she would be upset, but not hurtful. And, if I was supposed to know her reaction and to let her "chill out" than she should have known what my reaction would have been.

I have told you over and over again Jayme that I didn't think it was a good idea. I have email after email of me telling you I didnt want the day to come and me bring your day down. You are the one who said it could happen, but yet I was the one who was supposed to pull $$ out of my holes. And by the way, my man's money is HIS money. I don't take it and spend it on tats, hair jobs, boob jobs, tanning, etc, etc.

And this stuff about how you would pay for the dress but money is tight, and you got this stuff about me HAVING to get a new car and everything else up - You could have bought the dress for me if it was so important to you instead of you and your man getting all filled up with tats every week. You coulda held back on the tanning and the diet pills.

I will say it once again Jayme, I am sorry. I am sorry I can't do it. I am sorry I don't have money flying at me like you obviously do to where you think it should be just as easy for me. You have known me for years, you knew how I would react. You knew when I said it wasn't it a good idea a ton of times, that maybe, just maybe you should have looked somewhere else.

Now it comes down to my not wanting to over my not being able to. You hurt me too Jayme. I told you from day one it was a bad idea. Did you call me a loser, claim I was a bad friend, say I wasn't trying enough from day one?

Now how am I supposed to even wanna be their? I mean I do wanna be their, but now I am the B*t*h that "ruined" your wedding.

I feel horrible for even trying, doesn't that say anything? I don't feel horrible in a mean way, I feel horrible as in I ruined everything  all your wedding plans - your day. But, Jayme, you put me in this position. You put yourself in this position by not heeding my warnings.

You NEVER told me about the maid of honor thing - EVER. Considering I was a fill in in the first place I very highly doubt the truthfullness of this. Plus, your comment about how you didn't choose me cuz you knew something like this would happen....well, this just proves that you know enough about my life to know I had trouble being able to do it. Also, that doesn't sound like a good comment coming from a "friend" who was considering me for the maid of honor position.

I am so sorry hun. I hope your day is beautiful. Tell Jimmy I am sorry. Tell everyone I am sorry. I will remember this in the future and I will stick with my first gut feeling on not even trying - it doesn't turn out good for anyone.

And thank you for airing my stuff on here.

Answer 3

You were friends enough with her to consider her for maid of honor, but you asked her to be a bridesmaid instead and obviously, she is unhappy about it. That is why she is putting up such a hard time about finding a dress, and eventually bailed out of the wedding. Her feelings were hurt. I'd write a letter of apology, blame wedding nerves, and explain that you understand her not wanting to be in the wedding, and that you hope she will still attend.

Then pick someone else for a bridesmaid and move on.  

Answer 4

you as the bride should be buying the dress anyway your friend is probally upset too and maybe embarrsed that she cant afford it give it a few days to sort out handle with care

Answer 5

let me congratulate you on your nuptials. that's a big step into happiness. on the other hand your friend might feel a little left out if you didn't ask her to be your maid of honor. you got angry because she decided not to get the dress to be a brides maid .you got angry, an emotion that all creatures have, so did she. now the name calling...that's sticky! that shouldn't have happened! give her , her space and you go along with your wedding...if she comes and around and buys the dress and be a brides maid ...great! if she doesn't and she stays mad...then that's a chapter of your life that is closed.