Why cant they just leave it alon?

Question

Why is it when a child is given up for adoption. Then a few years go by or maybe longer and the birth giver or as you may call it parents want to come back into there lives. Dont you think its hard enough on children. Just let them live until they find you. You mad the chose to give them up and I know that sometimes that is best but they did not ask you to make there lives h**l by coming in and out. Just let it go . They will find you when they are ready. (Sweet Kacey)

Answer 1

I don't believe that it is the sole right of one or the other party to make initial contact.If that was the case I would still be completely in the dark about everything.I am in the situation of being both an adoptee and a relinquishing mother who has found both my mother and my daughter and if it had been left up to them there would have been no searching whatever.I would just like to explain that even though I have found them both neither one wants any further contact but at least I know that they are alive and hold on to the hope that either one changes their minds about future contact.

Answer 2

thats horrible.....

if someone gives a baby up...they shouldnt try getting them back...

thats horrible..

Answer 3

There is so much more to it than you are giving credit for. Don't you think that child has a hard time without the mother they knew before someone else comes along? There are advantages to the child to have their first parents in their lives, ancestry, medical info, sense of belonging, just to name a few. You obviously haven't done your homework on the affects adoption has on a child. You probably think they are all clean slates. If you got a good life that's great, but what does that have to do with someone else? You seem to think making that choice was easy and since a parent made it they should not think of their child ever again, like signing a piece of paper si going to erase everything magically. You need to do some research on this subject before you mess up another child of adoption.

FYI: I did leave my kid alone until she found me and it's because of mothers LIKE ME from the baby scoop era, that you have so much backing TO be able to keep your kids and go to the ends of the earth for them. I'm glad you feel that way about your children but I can pretty much guess you didn't come from the same era I did. If you had you would understand a few more things. Not everyone had a choice. I did. I made my choice and I stuck to my agreement. You should be grateful that your in the position your in, you didn't get there all by yourself.

Answer 4

hes a dead beat and thats terrible once u give up something that it u dont go back to it.yake care of reponsible thats someones life

Answer 5

I do not think you have anger issues at all, and that site "adult adoptees" is for angry adoptees, who want their adoptive parents dead, so they can fulfill their lives - yada yada yada.  An adoptee never had any choice in the matter of adoption, when it comes to reunion, they should finally have all the choice.  Some bitter birth moms will disagreem and many whiny adoptees will as well.  But some times yes, it is best to leave well enough alone.

Answer 6

You are entitled to feel that way about your own personal situation but please leave everyone else alone.

I would have given anything to have known my Mom when I was growing up.  Anything.  It would have saved me from living in the dark and fantasizing about her - knowing the truth is better than not knowing anything IMHO.  So I disagree with you; but each person has the right to decide what is best for their own situation.

Answer 7

What you ask is very difficult for most people to do.

It used to be that most adoption records were sealed to the adoptee and the birth parents, but that has relaxed quite a bit.

Many birth parent's circumstances change in the years after giving up the child/children. Combine that with the remorse/regret over their perceived loss, and they strongly want to recapture what they "lost" out on. It's human nature.

The only way we are ever going to change this to keep the birth parents from contacting their children is to revert the laws back to where adoption records are totally sealed. The trouble with this is that if the adopted child wants to find his/her birth parents they are out of luck.

Answer 8

Why do you think that those who can afford a private adoption go that route?  The states continue to s***w it all up and have children ripped from the only hands they have ever know because someone changed their mind!!

Answer 9

i was adopted, my mom and dad were alcoholic and drug heads, Ive new my parent all my life but didn't see them or have anything to do with them till i was 16 or 18.got to know both of them as i got older.i was glad i was adopted because without it i would have been like them. they were good people just had there priorities wrong.i have 4 brothers and 5 sisters in the family. some i get along with the rest turned out like mom and dad.sad way to live in my book

Answer 10

Sweet Kacey,

Are you an Adoptee?  It sounds like you have some anger issues with your First Mother.  I'm so sorry for that.

You know a safe place for you to go and talk to other adoptees like you is

http://www.adultadoptees.org/

I have visited there.  They will embrace you as family.  Do give it a try.

It is never good to generalize about a group of people.  There are some wonderful First Parents here.  You might be experiencing misdirected anger.  These First Parents here deserve to be treated with respect.  

I am so sorry for your pain.

Answer 11

i agree with you. but think about how much that person loves you and just wanted the best life for you and thats why they gave you away. it was probably the hardest time in their life.

Answer 12

Well i was adopted by my dad, and my mom was my mom. they raised me calling him dad, and i still think of him as my dad to this day, my biological father i was curious about, and talked to a couple times, but to be honest, i lost interest right away.

I think that depending on the type of adoption.

if it is an open adoption, then the child bearer would have a right to know things, but if it is closed, then they cant contact you or the child at all. the child can decide when they are old enough what they want to do.

its a tough one really.

Answer 13

Have you thought about it from the so called parents point of view?  Maybe one parent didn't want to give the child up for adoption but was forced to.  Or maybe they didn't have the money to take care of that child at the time and now have made something respectable of themselves and still want that conection with their child.  I don't know it would depned on the adoption situation.  Not all adoption cases are bad.