Why did he come back the next morning?

Question

background info: dated for almost 2 years. (hes 23 im 22)Broke up 2 months ago because we had individual issues to work on. Besides the first week we have been seeing eachother 4 or so times a week, we still talked everynight. I went out of town for a week. He has a key and permission to use my place while im gone.

Saturday night on the phone he says to me "i think i'm going to be spending alot more time at your place then either of us thought this semester. I think i'm going to bring my drumkit back over"

Sunday- I fly in. i land about noon. He calls me before i'm out of the airport. He calls me again about 230 and tells me he wants to take me to dinner and a movie, and asks if its ok if he spends the night. He picked me up about 5. we went shopping, to dinner, and then ended up seeing a friend play live at a bar (my idea instead of a move). So we get home get ready for bed, and then i say that im going to bed, are you coming? and he informs me he plans to sleep on the couch.....this upset me and i cried. i asked him if i need to move on from us or if we are going to work on us this semsester. we talk for a little while. i told him i feel like we are both trying to have our cake and eat it too. he said that he just really likes my company, spending time with me, and loves talking to me. That he isnt not going to give me and him another chance, hes just not giving me and him another chance right now.

Monday night- im on myspace and discover he was browsing girls (the settings were Specific to him)...on my computer....at my house. ...i was under the impression that we were working on ourselves and when we were both ready to be in a relationship again that we would give us another try. I confront him on the phone and tell him that i need a few days off from us, we talked for 40 min. he didnt have much to say. at first he tried making excuses and then said that he was looking because he was bored but it wasnt in a 'how you doin' picking up girls way..

Tuesday morning- he shows up unannounced a few min before 8am (he has a 35 min drive to my house). he comes and lays down on the bed with me. he apologized for last night. i told him i was sorry that it happened the way it did. he asked me if i wanted him in my life and i said yes without hestitation and 'that i have a lot on my mind right now' he asked 'like what' and i told him 'you, me. us, family stuff, school stuff' . he said 'ok, we can talk about that later, since your half asleep right now'. He called me at 5 while i was in class, at 945, and again at 1245 am. i didnt answer or call him back

wed- wrote him a message telling him i wasnt ignonring him, taking a few days to think and clear my head and figure out my feelings. before he read it he called my friend to check on me since i didnt call him back. they talked for 15 min. she told him that i need a few days and that i will call him when im ready.

MY QUESTION: What does this mean?! Why would he come cuddle, and be cute, and apologize, and everything? Why is he looking for other girls if hes not ready to be in a relationship? What is this not at the moment chance thing? when will he give us a chance? im so confused. i do want him in my life, and it may have to be as just a friend, but i cant hold onto this hope that we may be together again. i just dont get why he was so affectionate the next morning?!

Answer 1

two words: Clean Break

You two won't be happy until you leave each other alone. It doesn't sound like you are going to work as a couple, so why keep lingering around? Move on, and forget about each other.

Answer 2

It sounds like he wants his freedom but doesn`t want you to have any freedom. It`s a 2 way street. You are his backup in case he doesn`t hook up with somebody. He doesn`t want you all the time and he doesn`t want anybody else to have you either. If you are not going to be a couple,then he needs to give you the key back until he figures out what he wants.Most guys want to have a couple chicks on the line ans backups. I think you might be wasting your time and feelings.

Answer 3

your not dumb, you know whats up

Answer 4

your like his blanket right now. you keep him warm when he needs it. stop being there for him. cause it seems that you have  your stuff together and he hasn't figured himself out. he cuddles with you cause you make him feel good and he doubts himself. you need to push him away and concentrate on yourself and school. you like him and its gonna hurt for a while but its also gonna hurt if you stick around him.

Answer 5

he sounds like a complete nut case to me

Answer 6

sounds like you should be friends with NO benefits. His surfing for chicks could be a big health hazard for you...and you can't trust him either.

He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too....

Answer 7

Hello...he's a drummer. Ever heard the joke "What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?".............Homeless...

Drummers are flaky, always. Period. I've only met a rare few that could actually maintain a serious relationship for any amount of time.

He's cute and cuddly because he wants to keep you around to mess around with when he can't find another girl for the night. He probably also needs a place to park his drums....

I say focus on school. Let him go. Work on yourself and figure out what you want in a relationship. Once you know, you'll be able to recognize him immediately.  

Answer 8

It sounds like he loves you, but is not in-love with you.  He is apologizing because he does not want to lose his place to stay right now. Or you, his friend with benefits.  In addition, he knows that you want to work out the relationship.  He simply wants it all and it is draining you.  Don't sleep with him.  You will not sort your feelings out with him there running hot and cold.  He is looking as well for other girls and he will find one, if he hasn't already.  Give him two weeks or so to move.  

Answer 9

Don't be naive here. Walk away from this relationship before it crushes your heart.

Answer 10

You're his backup girl.  He's keeping you in the wings until he finds someone else.  If he senses that you are getting over him or are uninterested, then he's going to be all over you.  As soon as you start to act interested or serious about this relationship, then he'll start backing off.

It's fine to want him in your life, but you need to accept that it's a friendship only.  

Set boundaries.  Don't let him in your apartment when you are not present.  Don't cuddle or get physical with him.  Make arrangements to see each other only on your terms, if he shows up unexpectedly don't let him in.  And avoid conversations with him about dating.

Answer 11

It means that you have so little self esteem that you will put up with this c**p... you let him, so he will.... Wise up hon, you're getting used., and you will get used as long as YOU allow it....

Answer 12

That's an easy one - you are being taken for granted and used.  He is not ready to commit but you are just too much of a good thing to let go of.  A place to crash anytime he wants it, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to hang out with, even some occasional "nookie" ( but only when HE wants it, not when YOU do.)  Of course he's going to do whatever it takes to keep you hanging on, even if that means kissing up a little.  

You know what?  Boyfriends will come and go, but your pride is something you can't afford to loose.   You have the status of a door mat right now as far as he's concerned.  Time to take the key back or change the lock.  

Answer 13

i'm sorry but it sounds like he is using you. you need to let him go. if you want to be friends that's fine but you need to spend some time apart and get over the feelings you have for him. do not let him stay at your place anymore. don't let him come over, cuddle and whatnot, whenever he wants. have some pride. so he can check out other girls, do what he wants, and have whatever he pleases from you too? he's just being nice because he's loosing out on free s*x and a place to stay

Answer 14

no idea