Why did my 9 yr old son disobey me then tell me?

Question

Ok this is a long one. My son who is 9 has been hanging around this boy who isn't a great influence. The other day my son asked to go to a place that he knows very well he is NOT alllowed to go. Well he was over this kids house and he made the choice to go with this child to that place. When he came home without me asking, my son told me he had dont this. I assume he felt bad so I didi not ground him and I explained to him that sometimes we make bad choices and those bad choices will bring consequences. I am confused whether or not to let him hang around with this kid or not. He is somewhat of a bad kid with no guidence at home. What would you do?

Answer 1

He may be trying to get you to say stop hanging out with this kid. Some kids do something they know they are not supposed to do as a kind of "test" to see how much their parents care/love them. If he doesn't like hanging out with this kid but doesn't know how to stop he may need your help.

Answer 2

I think your son found a glitch in the parental saying that if they tell us they wont be in trouble. He knew he would be in trouble so he told you right away and avoided trouble while still doing what he wanted to do. Basically he got away with it.

Pretty smart kid!!

At least he told you and now you know there is little supervision at this other boys home. So you can act accordingly - invite the other boy to your home instead ( so you can supervise) or take them to the park or somewhere like that where there is supervision.

Maybe your son will be a good influence on him. You cant really blame the other boy because your son made a bad decision. Its easy to look to the other peoples kid as a bad influence much easier than to look good at our own kids and see them as others do.

Answer 3

I think that you handled this situation very well.  I would say that if you are available every time your child hangs out with this kid and your kid is open and honest with you then it may be a good learning experience for your child.  If you can keep him honest and making the right decisions.  Maybe you can work with your kid on being a positive influence on the other.

Answer 4

Wow - everyone has good answers this time!  I  kinda agree with everyone.

I would just like to add in, my son has a similiar friend.  My advise to my son was that I'm not going to forbid you to hang around with this person, but I am going to ask you and trust you to make good choices while you are together.  I explained to him that no matter who you are with, someone may want to do something bad and that he has to learn to be in those situations and keep his head on his shoulders.  If he ever needed me for talking or jumping in I'd be there.

I have to say that the answer about the kid needing the mother to jump in for him is interesting and could be true.

I wouldn't have thought of it right now, but my brother was like that.  He never could say no to his friends. He always would get in trouble (on purpose) instead so my mom would have to say no for him.  By the way, he didn't do so good.  He's now in jail for 3 months for doing what his friends did one day and graffitting an area.  If this is the case, teach choices, don't solve his problems.

Answer 5

have the kid come over to your house and hang out in your house.. most likely he felt guilty and thats why he told you so that is good.  the "bad" kid might behave diffrently in you rhouse... some kids though they seem to be "bad" need some kind of guidance and yould be more respectful with you.  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,now!! call me mean or old fashioned but i would NEVER send my son out there to no ones house .. i dont care if the neighbor is nice.. if the little friends are nice.. i just cant... you don tknow who comes in and out.. at his day and age i don teven trust any one with them.. you figure a nine yr old like my big boy should have better judgement because they wan to play little adults at time but you find many adults with the the craziest ideas.. i dont trust ANY ONE with my kids.. a 9 yr old should not be going to others parents homes specially on their own.. h**l no!! as a mother you have to think like a criminal.. what can those parents or friends of the parents do to your kid specially if those parents are not a good example for that "bad" kid.

Answer 6

I agree, insist that he can only be with this friend in your presence. You will also be helping the other kid by giving him some guidence that is obviously badly needed.

Answer 7

If he insists on hanging around with this friend, then you insist that they do it at your house.  It's not wise of you to let him go over to a house where you have already stated there is no parental guidance.  Maybe you would be a good influence on this kid.