Why did you choose adoption?

Question

What were you real motivations for adopting? I am an adoptive mother and ex foster care. I really want to know why people choose this path? Are they infertile? Do they do it to help children? Also did you choose foster care adoption, private/agency, or international?

Just tring to get a feel for the board. I have made no bones about my reason for adopting, to have a family of my own. I did though choose foster care adoption to ensure I was adopting children already without parents or whose parental rights were taken away.

Just curious, will respect all answers!

Answer 1

We chose to adopt because we wanted to be parents.

Our infertility was not a factor in our decision to adopt, we discussed adoption when we discussed having children.

We chose to adopt internationally for very personal reasons but also because we wanted to be parents to a child/ren that needed parents regardless of their geographical location.

Answer 2

We chose adoption to add children to our family and hopefully make a difference in the life of a child.

I am not infertile. We chose foster care adoption.

Answer 3

I chose adoption because I was single.  I had just ended a long-term relationship with a man, and I was 37 years old.  I thought that perhaps there would not be time for me to find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and still have children.  For a brief moment, I considered sperm donation, but decided that it would be irresponsible to bring a fatherless child into the world deliberately.

I contacted an adoption agency that worked with singles, and told them that I was interested in adopting ANY child....older, special needs, whatever.  They asked me if I wanted a healthy baby girl from China, and I was amazed that I would be eligible to adopt a baby!  Nine months later, I held my first daughter in my arms with incredible joy.  I did go on to adopt two more older special needs girls from China.  But I was happy to have been permitted to experience the joy of raising a baby, too.

Answer 4

Well, I think people adopt more because they just don't want to have a baby of there own. They may think that its to much of a hassle.

Answer 5

I have always said that we didn't "choose" adoption; it chose us!  

We have a very unique situation.  We had been trying for many years to get pregnant.  After our third failed infertility treatment, we were giving up hope on becoming parents.  We had talked very generally about possibly considering adoption but realized that it was expensive and not sure that we were strong enough at that point to handle a possible disruption if a bio parents changed their mind.

However, a friend who knew what we were going through called to see how our treatments were going.  She herself had been through infertility treatments and was herself an adoptive mom.  As we were talking and she asked if we had considered adoption, she told us that there was someone she wanted us to meet.  She worked with someone who was looking to make an adoption plan for their child and thought it would be a perfect match for everyone.  

At first, I refused to meet with the family.  I was not ready for adoption or to even consider it seriously.  I finally gave in to the meeting just to "shut up" our friend.  But after meeting the bio family and having them place the child in my arms, it was as if we had all known each other forever.  When they asked my husband and I if we would consider being his parents, we were overwhelmed with emotion and honored that they thought we were good enough for this baby.  That was the beginning of our adoption journey.  I know it isn't like most, but that is why we feel truly blessed to have had adoption touch our lives.

Answer 6

Well it has changed. When my wife and i were dating we said we wanted three kids two natural then adopt one. We were going to adopt first  then have kids. then my wife got diagnosed with Diabetes and we were told not to wait to have kids if we were going to have them. So our plans changed we had a high risk pregnancy that went really well and no complications. We decided not to risk another one and adopt the second and third instead.  We are almost done with the home study and we are adopting from  foster care. Truth be told we are doing it because of the price. I really really  feel for kids in foster care.  I hate the fact that they turn them out at 18  but we were concerned about the developmental delays and abuse that the kids have gone through. We considered international adoption but it was just to expensive.  We will adopt a  girl now toddler like our daughter. Then in a few years we will adopt a pre teen –teen  boy when the girls go to school and my wife goes to back to work.

Answer 7

I have never been married, but have always wanted children.  I decided if I wasn't in a position to get married by the time I turned 30, I'd adopt.  I was teaching and would have gotten fired if I'd gotten pregnant.  plus, I always wanted to adopt.  I had friends that were adopted and I always thought that was a great thing to do.  so when I was 29, I applied to adopt.  I got 2 children, half brother and sister, and am not sorry for a minute.

Answer 8

I honestly feel that adoption chose me.

I have two bio-children. Both pregnancies were high-risk, so I had my tubes tied after my second c-section. I had no plans of having any more kids. I was very happy that I had two relatively healthy boys.

My sister got pregnant for her 2nd child when she was 18. She decided to give her baby up for adoption. She asked if my new husband and I wanted to adopt her baby. My husband did not have children, so we thought this would be a way for him to be a parent and me niece or nephew would still be in our family. Shortly before the baby was born, my sister changed her mind and decided to keep her baby. I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad, but I was also happy for my sister.

A year later, my adopted son was placed with us as a relative placement. (He is my bio-children's 2nd cousin). The goal was for him to be returned to his father's care. Our plan was never adoption, but to provide care until his father was able to. Well, his father’s parental rights were terminated because of the extent of the abuse done to my son. He spent a year in jail and did not want to participate in reunification. His bio-mother only showed up for one visit with him and they would not let her see him because she was drunk. She never showed up when her parental rights were terminated.

This is why I say adoption chose us. I think that all things happen for a reason. If we would have adopted my sister's child, I don't know we would have been in a position to adopt our son.

Answer 9

When I turned thirty with no plans for marriage in sight and wanting to be a mother I looked into adoption. I am talking a long time ago - 1972 - single parent adoption was new then. I applied at a private agency and within a year I had my home study done and was approved and placed on a waiting list.  In the meantime a young woman came to work where I was working. She was 5 months pregnant and was planning on giving her baby up for adoption. She asked me if I wanted to adopt "her".  We made arrangements with my agency and I adopted her child 4 months later - "Her" turned out to be a "He" (before ultrasounds).  I was ecstatic. As the years went by I did foster care and adopted 4 of my foster children - 3 girls and another boy. Of course they are all grown now and I have 4 grand children. I am still single but I have a wonderful family because of adoption.

ellie

Answer 10

We chose adoption  so that we could become parents. Being infertile and losing 3 children to miscarriage, this was our option.

As far as our route, I don't think one is better than the other. A child that is placed with an agency, also does not have parents "in the true sense of the word"...........What I mean is that the birthmother has made up her mind that this is the best route for her, not to parent, at that point in her life for whatever reason............therefore, agency, private, foster care, whatever, they are all children in need of love in my opinion, and we were thankfully chosen to parent our daughter.

Answer 11

My parents chose adoption because they couldn't have children... or they thought they couldn't... they had my little brother almost 9 years after they adopted me...

And I'm glad they adopted me... I love my life (friends, family, etc.) and I love my mom and daddy!!

Answer 12

After a miscarriage, Molar pragnancy and near death delivery of my daughter, I was told that having more pregnancies would be very dangerous. We decided that when my daughter was in school, that we wold do foster care and maybe adopt a child around her age.

God had another plan and Bub came into our lives when my daughter was 14 months. A bit over whelming, but truely a blessing.

Answer 13

i chose adoption cause i wanted to be a mom but i knew there was soooooooo meny kids in foster care and orphanages that i need to help and make a difference to some of them

its something i've wanted to do since i was a little girl i used to watch world vision foster care shows and sit there and cry so i made that chose to try to change the world for a few kids

Answer 14

I wanted to be a Mom.  I chose adoption becasue I wanted to be a Mom.  I'm not infertile.  I wanted to be a Mom and answer the call of a natural mom who placed her child for adoption/she severed her parental rights prior to me even knowing about her son.  I adopted internationally, through an agency.

Answer 15

My husband is infertile.  We began trying to conceive using a donor, as well as getting our adoption license.  I figured if we were meant to be parents, one or the other would work out.  We are currently in the process of adopting a brother and sister through the foster care system.

Answer 16

I don't think you should adopt a child just because you feel sorry for them and want to help them out. I think you should adopt if you have  a lot of love and attention to give to a child.

Answer 17

I am not joking, and I am not making light of your question.  But I think this is a fact that often gets lost in the discussion:

I did not choose adoption.

Answer 18

I am infertile.  And i adopted.  But I'm not sure if i adopted simply because i was infertile.  I could have gone on with treatments, but decided not to pursue them any further.  I sat down with my hubby one night and we asked ourselves what was more important.  To be pregnant or parents?  We both responded parents.

We wanted to make a positive influence on a child.  So i stopped fertility treatments, sought help for the issues i had about myself because of the infertility and then and only then did we move onto the path of adoption.  So yes my infertility lead me to adopt, but it was not the main motivator behind it.  Parenting was.

So i guess my answer would simply be I'm infertile.  But I adopted because I wanted to be a parent and experience all that comes with it.

Answer 19

I am like Heather adoption chose me.

My husband and I had been married 2 years and his sister became pregnant (she never disclosed who the father was) she became ill and passed away.  Then the war in the family began (my ex in-laws were not very good people)  they saw a baby and saw a check.

My son was passed around from family member to family member for 9 months.  Finally my   husband came to me and said I know we can have our own children but I want to adopt  "Joe" and give him a good home so we did. (That was 20 years ago)

We also went on to have 2 other sons.

We call "Joe" our store bought son  and our other 2 sons our homemade sons.