Why did you choose to be a stay at home parent or a working parent?

Question

Not a criticizing question, just more of a why you made the choice you did. All answers welcome, but I do ask that you don't criticize each other.

Answer 1

I work because I have to, to help support our 5 person family. However, I would love to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. I think if you are fortunate enough to do that, good for you. That's a job in itself!! I can barely keep up with working and then trying to do all the cleaning, taking care of everyone in between. It's tiring! But I'd love to be able to really work with my children on certain key things like reading/writing/etiquette, etc.

Answer 2

I had 6mths maternity leave...then changed it to 12mths because my daughter needed me too much and I couldn't bare to leave her (and being breastfed made it hard for her daddy to take over). When 12mths came near I quit my job instead. I didn't feel my husband would look after her properly, and he had no confidence and showed no desire to do so. Plus as even with him working full time we needed benefits to help us it seemed like 'why should I work and miss out on my daughter when we get the same money with me at home?'

And the final consideration was that I wanted another baby so it seemed pointless to go back to work then be off again.

BUT after my miscarriage in Dec and some problems with our benefit I DID go back to work, part time, and I have to say that it is sooo much better! I thought being a stay-at-home-mom would be brilliant but I find working gave me back a feeling of self (I would get depressed with bordem and 'burn out' at home) and made my husband HAVE to look after our daughter, which he suprised himself in doing well and he even said he wished he'd done more sooner! And of course the extra money, standing on our own feet and not needing benefits, is a huge bonus.

Our relationship felt more balanced too.

So I am happier to be working than not. And my daughter still gets loads of my time...and better quality time too.

I'd say if staying at home or working works for your family, with everyone being happy, then that is just fine!

Answer 3

I never intended to be a sahm. I thought I would be a working mother like so many others. However, when I was about six months along, I was sitting at my mom's when I realized that I didn't want to leave my baby. I wanted to be the one taking care of her 24/7. My husband and I worked it out although there have been a lot of sacrifices along the way. I don't know what I'll do when my youngest goes to school, but I don't think I'm ever going back to work full time. I like the peace of mind knowing that I'm there whenever they need me. And I really don't feel up to the juggling act of daycare, sick kid, demanding boss. It's too hard. For me, it would have to be one or the other, either I work and not have children or I have children and don't have a job.

Answer 4

I would love to be able to be a stay-at-home Mom but I have a great job and my income is quite a bit higher than my husband's. Luckily, I will have the opportunity to keep my job and work from home after the baby is born. I am a little worried about juggling all of that responsibility but I know that I am extremely fortunate to have this option.

Answer 5

I decided to stay at home because I feel it is my responsibility to raise my kids. I wanted to impart my values and be there for them  when/if they need me. But I respect those that need/want to work. They have a tough job trying to balance work and family. I commend them for being able to do so! :)

Answer 6

I was a single parent when my daughter was born I got custody of her and later adopted her. so I didn't have a choice  but to work but I didn't work right away because I wanted to bond with her. (6mnths) and when I got her I just started dating my husband. he was fine with a kid but I wasn't ready to depend on him because it wasn't really his responsibilty. when we got married we talked about if I was going to stay home or not and we both agreed that's not who I am I work at a teen pregnancy center and I love it my daughter goes to day care during the summer I take that time off so we can all have time toghether. in the end it was both of our choice when we do have more babies I will take 6mnths off after having the baby.

Answer 7

I work because I love what I do.  I'm an engineer for a medical device company.  I work full time because that's what I need to do to pay the bills.  Even in a perfect world where money wasn't an issue, I can't see myself ever being a full-time stay at home mom.  I love my son dearly, but I need more intellectual stimulation than putting together wooden puzzles and running around outside.  My son does great in daycare - he is happy, and I can barely drag him out of there at the end of the day.  I might feel differently if he was shy and didn't have friends.

Answer 8

I chose to be a stay at home parent because my husband and I talked about it before the baby was born and decided that we could afford it and it would not leave us trusting other people to take care of him properly. I do miss working outside the home, but I know I made the right decision and I love staying home with my little boy.

Answer 9

I chose to be a SAHM for 7 years to be there for my children though everything.Now, I'm going back to work part time (only while my kids are at school) and I can make my own schedule to fit time in for school activities/occasional lunches and volunteering. I'm going back mainly because I get a little bored when their gone and I like money. LOL

Answer 10

We decided for me to stay at home because #1 we live in a big city and it frightened us to have to find someone we trusted to watch our kids #2 I didn't want to miss out on all of the milestones #3 My income would barely be enough to cover the cost of child care.  So why miss out on so much to work just to cover the cost of child care.  I am blessed everyday that I am able to stay home and watch my little girl grow up!

Answer 11

I have been a stay at home mom for two years.  I originally did not want someone else to raise my child.  I had #2 and began going to school and their father and I arranged our schedules so they still did not need a sitter.  I am going into hygiene so I can work part time and make decent money.  I think it will give me a good balance between kids and work.  I am now separated from their father and my boyfriend has daughter two months younger than mine, he had to put her into daycare and she is really smart!  I am looking to put my children into daycare so they will be able to learn more and interact with other children.  I am a very hands on mother, really into reading, learning activities, hardly any tv, and I am amazed at what daycare is able to teach!

Answer 12

Because to me it is the right thing to do. My husband and I agreed when we were dating that when kids came along, it's in everyone's best interest for me to be home. We don't agree with having other people raising the kids, as long as we can afford to have me home. From our personal observations, it seems kids are more stable, and tend to be better people overall with a parent home with them. So that was our reasoning, and we both still feel the same today.

Answer 13

I have always been a working mom. Unfortunatley right now I am a stay at home mom because I hurt my back this last January. And then in June I found out I am pregnant. Over the last couple months I have been staying at home but working from home for my husband's business. I have to tell ya now that I am better and I know the baby is okay I am so ready to go back to work. Working is my GET AWAY. I look at it as my time, not to mention I get a pay check with my name on it :) I guess my real reason for working is because I have two degree's. I figure whats the since in spending all that money on college if I'm not gonna put it to good use.

If your husband supports you and you guys can make it on just him working then thats great. Enjoy the time you have.

Answer 14

I really wanted to go back to work after my son was born but only on weekends when my husband was off.. And i did for about 3 weekends in a row and just had to quit. I didn't think it would be that tough to leave my little man but it was. It was very stressful on his dad b/c sometimes the only answer is mommy. And my hubbie would call me at work and say"the baby is crying i don't know what to do i have tried everything" And it made me so mad, like don't call me at work and tell me that what am i suppose to do? Just leave...so i decided we really didn't "need" my paycheck to survive, so i stay at home and take care of the baby and the house.I hate it when people( like my sis in law) asks me what i do all day.. I think being a stay at home mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world. I don't get a break and when he does take a nap- I have laundry , dishes, dinner, and other things to do. It's not like i sit around all day and eat icecream and watch movies...And now i regret even thinking about going back to work... The way i look at it noone can teach my child the fundamentals in life like i can... And thats why i love being a stay at home mom..

Answer 15

I was a SAHM for 3 years. My husband and i both felt it was best for our daughter and we dont have family members that were willing to babysit for free while i worked. The way/hours my husband and i worked would certainly not be accomidated by a daycare or any babysitter that i know of. When it came down to it i just couldnt stand the thought of leaving my baby with a stranger. We struggled for a while, but we made sacrifices and my job became accountant and budget master and we got by just fine. We managed vacations, concerts and even bought a new house all on ONE income. It IS possible, it CAN be done, and we DID it. However when my daughter was 3 i was ready to get out of the house and so was she! She needed to be around other children more and i needed to be around other adults more. We put her in a preschool and i got a job at a bank with great hours and decent pay...Since we can make it on one income my checks are extra. We are all much happier although my house is not as clean as it used to be, we love it! I may not have as much time with my daughter, but the time we do have is MUCH more valued and better used. I am 3 months pregnant with #2 and plan on staying home for the first year, but I will go back after that.

Answer 16

I unfortunately have to go out to work full time so I can support my daughter and myself. I hate that I have to put her into childcare and miss her milestones, but it's the only thing I can do to afford things as I don't believe in sponging off the government.

Answer 17

I had to work when my first was born, we did a husband works int he daytime I work in the evening.  I worked part time when my second was born while my husband worked full time, then I kicked him out and started working two jobs to support my family.  Met my new husband and after having my 2nd in a daycare where she was sexually molested ( we took her out immediately and i quit working the same day)  we decided that i would stay home and not let ANY daycare worker within inches of our children.

Answer 18

I'm a lucky stay at home mom of two beautiful children, a two year old boy and a seven week old girl.  I made the choice to stay home with our children and my husband backed me on it completely.  He would rather have one of us to be there than to have someone else raising them.  I could work, we could use the extra money if we wanted to have extra things, but it's not necessary for us.  My husband makes enough to pay the bills and buy our necessities and even have a couple bucks left over to save for a rainy day or special occasions.

I know not everyone wants to stay home with their kids or has the choice to stay home.  I completely understand needing to work to help support the family.  Like another user said, isn't it ironic for stay at home moms to say that working moms miss out on so much when we as stay at home moms also miss little bits and pieces too with our daily chores at home :)  

It's all in what is the best for your family.  Working or not, moms are moms and we love our kids.

Answer 19

I have to work, otherwise there would be no food on the table, no gas for the cars, and no clothes on my children. My husband makes enough to pay the rent and utility bills, but I have to work so we can afford the other necessities in life. I also want my children to learn that things cost money and you have to work to get it. Luckily their grandparents are nearby to watch them so I don't have to worry about them while at work.

Answer 20

when my children were young, I had a home daycare so I wouldn't have to leave them with other people. Instead, I took care of other people's kids who had to work. I made a good living (in addition to my husband's salary) AND I was home with my children. Now, my 3 grandkids live in my home (along with 2 of my daughters who bought the house with me) and I'm a nanny to another couple's kids. I would LOVE to be able to be home with my grandchildren more, but I'm single now and have to work- having a home daycare these days is SO expensive. I say, if you choose to work outside the home, be confident in your decision, find the best daycare/nanny/etc. and then go to work with a light heart. If you choose to be home with your kids, bless you, and don't let anyone make you feel as if you aren't doing the most important job on Earth. And if you HAVE to work, but would rather be home, make the best of it because it's the only way to be happy- spend as much time with your kids as possible, give them lots of opportunities for adventure and making good memories of the time you DO have together!

Answer 21

I didn't choose, I have to work full time to support me and my daughter.  Yeah, I know I chose to have s*x and therefore I got myself into the situation, but it is what it is.  I'd definitely love to be home more with my daughter than I can be now, but even if I could I'd work at least part time I think.  Just to get out around other people, as I'm not sociable on my own and I'd go nuts being a full time SAHM, at least I think.  I'm glad my daughter isn't home with me all of the time, she's gotten a lot of opportunities to do things with the sitter and her kids that she wouldn't have gotten to do if we were home all the time, and she gets to associate with a wide variety of people, both kids and adults.  Hopefully she'll turn out to be not quite as shy as me!  So far so good...  lol.

Answer 22

I never finished college and got my degree.  I have a job that pays more than most of the people I know with degrees and has awesome benefits.  I have job security and I enjoy my job.  That said, I've had this job for 9 years.  When I took it, I never even knew if I would have children; I wasn't sure at that stage in my life.  My oldest is 3 years old and my baby is 4 months old.  Even though my children are my life, I choose to work.  If I were to quit my job to stay at home with them and then HAVE to work in the future, I would never be able to find another job like I have now or make half the money I make.  I want to be able to give them everything they need and more.  I don't want to have to stress over money and bills.  I love working.  What if the unthinkable happened and my husband and I got a divorce?.... I would be working somewhere for minimum wage to support my boys... I don't think so.

Answer 23

Mu husband and I chose for me to stay home and raise our children about 16 years ago (before they were even born!) and I have been doing it ever since.  We chose this because of our very strong sense of family.  We feell very strongly that our children are to be raised by us.  God gave them to us to raise and enjoy.  We feel it would be wrong of us if we sent them away all day and allowed someone else to get their time.

This is why we chose to have me be a SAHM.

Answer 24

I went a bit farther on the stay at home mom category.   I wanted to be a stay-at-home homeschool mom :)

I have a college degree and could do much with that, but I found out near the end that what I enjoyed most was the teaching aspect.  I would hate to teach other peoples kids - think about all the c**p teachers put up with from kids who aren't disciplined at home...

When I had my first, I wanted to do everything I could to be the best mother I could be.  I love being a Mom - the hugs and trips to the park are special, and I have creative hobbies and computer games when I need 'me' time.

Then I realized if I'm going to be home anyway, why not try homeschooling?  It's not like we don't start off that way - kids need to know their letters before Kindergarten, why can't I just continue it and keep the kid away from the nastiness of school & give them a boost on learning?  A trip to the zoo teaches better than the zoo coloring book in a closed classroom.  America has a terrible public school system, made that way by undermined authority and lowering standards.  I could teach my kids to LIKE learning.  Our schools have lazy kids who spread the dislike of learning like a plague.

I have noticed that homeschool kids mature much faster because they are put in adult social situations rather than childish social situations.  It teaches them better how to act in the real world - unlike school, which can inadvertently teach petty childish behavior by mixing young peers too much.

Answer 25

I am a SAHM and we decided it for two reasons

1. I was not making enough money at my prior job to really justify working.  I loved my job (teacher's assistant in the Special Ed department at a middle school)  Had I stayed on the cost of day care, likely some formula for the first year, transportation, dry cleaning etc would have left us with just about 100 dollars after all those expenses.

2. also my husband really wanted me to stay at home with our daughter.  His mother went back to work two weeks after he was born and I think he really wished she had been at home more.  She worked by choice.  I think he would have felt differently if she had to work because of money concerns.

As much as I loved my job, I really enjoy the one I have now.

Answer 26

I work for the same reason that my husband does - because we need the money to pay our bills, have food, clothing, a home, gasoline, heat, electricity, and enough money to do things that we enjoy that also cost money.  

We decided to work on opposite shifts so that we could spend as much time with the kids as possible.  We also have a weekend family job, delivering inflatables to parties.  The kids usually come along when we do that & earn their share of money, too.  It helps them appreciate the time/work/effort value in every dollar that we/they spend.

Answer 27

As soon as my daughter was born I knew my place was at home with her. I did not want anyone else raising my children, and I could not bear the thought of putting her in a Daycare center. My husband agreed and has worked very hard to support our family so that I may stay home with our 2, soon to be 3, kids while they are young.

Answer 28

I choose to be a working mom because I dont want to give up the luxuries that my family and I have b/c there are two working parents.  I also like contributing it makes me feel whole in a way.  We wouldnt be able to afford to send my children to private school or good colleges in the future if I did not work. I also get free tuition to obtain my masters at my job and my husband gets to go to school for free as well. To me I  wouldnt pass up that opportunity. In the end my kids will fully benefit from everything I am doing to better their future.

Answer 29

My Mom was a single parent and had to work. My sister and I were shuffled between babysitters, daycares, and family. We both hated it. Mom worked long hours and I felt like I never saw her. When it came my turn, I told my husband I'd be staying home. He was frustrated at first and scared about the money, but I made the check work. He's now an avid supporter of my choice. I've been at home 10 years and will be for 5 more, until all the kids are school aged. My sister also made the choice to stay home and loves it.

Answer 30

I am a stay at home mommy and very very lucky. I always said I would work if I had to or wanted to and at one point last year I wanted to and it was only part-time then I realized I didn't want to. My son is almost 2 and a 1/2 and I wanted to be the one around him when he learned so many new things. They are only young once and I want to be here for them.

Answer 31

I'm a working mom.

I had to make that choice because I have to provide clothing, food and a place to live for my son.

I'm a single mom.  I didn't want it to be that way, but my son's father fell into a nasty habit while I was pregnant and I chose not to have my son around those issues.

My son's father is now ordered to pay child support.  I've seen $125 in the past 2.5 months.  He's already behind almost $5000.  Let's just say he let his nasty habit turn him into an irresponsible person who doesn't even have time to see his son.

So, since he's not helping to provide for his son, I have to be the main income for my household, which includes paying almost $800 a month for daycare.