Why do 50-60% of marriages fail if both partners are in love with each other and feel that it will last 4ever?

Question

I just don't understand how so many marriages fail. Why is it so rare to be married and never get divorced? Is it just meant to be that way? I guess I'm just looking for people's opinions. My grandparents were married for 66 years until my grandfather died. I want to be like them. But what are people doing wrong? I know most get married because they are in love with each and feel they have found a soul mate, but why does that seem to be not good enough? My fiance and I are deeply in love and I don't want to be like everyone else.

Answer 1

Because they don't communicate.  They let too many things go.  The husband doesn't clean the dishes.  The wife never fills up the gas tank.  They begin to take each other for granted, and fail to do all the little things that make or break it, and then wonder what big thing they did wrong...it never starts off huge, it's all the little things that make such a big difference.

Edit: Open Communication + Honest Communication = Trust

Also, never stop dating.  Try to go out together two or three times a week, just the two of you to talk, spend time together, and have fun, and experience different things together.  Even if it's just breakfast, it will make a big difference.

Answer 2

nobody knows...sometimes I guess it because some people THINK they love them, then get married and realize they didn't or they just have a lot of money problems or another problems and don't want to deal with it so they leave Theres a lot of different reasons not just one

Answer 3

Marriages fail not just b'coz of the two partners but b'coz of the relatives also.

The relatives have a lions share to break the relationship between husband & wife.

The mother & sister of husband are mostly responsible for creating bitterness between husband & wife.

Husband is related to them by blood. Obviously, he will be emotiionaly more inclined to them. Gradually, he start following his mother's order.

Only beacuse of his mother & sister, his marriage fails.

Most of the husabnds think that wife is just for s*x n to give birth to child. She must not have her own views. Whether the wife is an IAS officer or a doctor or an engineer. They don't think that she is also a human being.

If all husbands change their attitude towords wife then there will be 100% success rate in marriage.

Husbands, come out the womb of the mother.

Answer 4

Couples these days are doing it the wrong way around. The idea is to sift through the people you meet, until you find someone you connect with. You date them and see if you are compatible. If you aren't, you keep looking. If you are compatible you date some more, and if all goes well, you date exclusively. If the two of you have a great time together i.e. are happy most of the time, after a year or two, you get engaged and stay that way for a couple of years, so you really get to know each other - all the while enjoying yourselves. If you are still having a great time together and can see yourself with your partner for the rest of your lives, you start preparations for your Wedding. If you get through all the hassles that can bring, you marry and THEN live together.

Over the next few years you REALLY get to know what makes each other tick and how the two of you will make two different sets of ideas meld into one, so you both go in the same direction (this is the hard part and why the first year of marriage is often the hardest).

THEN once you have had the bonding period, and really feel in sync with each other, you look to having children.

These days, lots of people date - move in - have children - wonder why they aren't having the fun they used to - become disillusioned with their lot in life - separate (though some believe getting married will fix all their problems, so they get married) - pay maintenance till the kids are 18 and sometimes do it all over again.

It's not that hard, you just have to focus on your partner, put them first in your life, and have a plan. The older generation stayed together longer because mostly, they did it all the tried and true way.  

Answer 5

Do laugh when you find my question about divorce but I think was financially why people stayed together back in the day.  People change and some people can not accept the change.  I wish you the best of luck...I really do.

Answer 6

The two answers before mine summed it up and it'd border on being superfluous if I elaborated any further, but I'd just like to bring one thing to the table that someone only scratched the surface on.

Financial reasons.

Did your grandmother work? If she didn't, it's not surprising that they stuck it out for as long as they did. In the times where a woman didn't work, a divorce meant she had to go crawling back home to mommy and daddy. She had no real money to herself, no job, and the previous marriage was like a dark smudge on her record. Now that women work more often and have more independence, they're not as motivated to put up with a crappy marriage.  

Answer 7

Because in this day and age people have no concept of commitment. My grandparents were married 65 years as well before my grandfather died.  But nowadays, maybe it is just too easy to get married and to get a divorce. I guess all you can do is worry about your love for the other person. You can never know what is going to happen on the other side. Go with what you feel!

Answer 8

Most couples want instant gratification.  It's all about ME ME ME, NOW NOW NOW.  They've not learned to value planning, and delayed gratification, and setting a goal and reaching it later.

Many couples also expect that initial burst of feeling to continue forever.  But it doesn't.  Never has, never will.  But when it fades, someone immediately thinks, "I'm not in love any more."  Yes, they're still in love.  They're just not in the lust and passion of the chase phase of the relationship.  But because they don't know what love really is, they don't recognize what's happened.

And love takes WORK.  It takes time, and it takes effort.  It takes compromise and saying "I was wrong" and "I'm sorry".  It takes a DAILY commitment to place your spouse ahead of all others in your life, and to put your spouse's needs ahead of your own.  (I said NEEDS, not WANTS.  Wants are negotiable and subject to compromise.)

Love is an active verb.  You fall in love with someone because YOU CHOOSE TO.  It isn't an accident.  You enjoy that person, so you intentionally choose to spend time with them.  You intentionally choose to talk with them.  You intentionally choose to learn about them and please them.  Love doesn't become less of an active verb just because you get a ring on your finger.  You still choose, every day, to love this person.  It's impossible to "fall" out of love or to wake up one morning and not love your spouse - if you don't love them, it's because you've been making the decision, over time, to not love them.

Every marriage has its share of mornings where one person wakes up, looks at the person on the other side of the bed and thinks, "What in the h*ll was I thinking when I married you?"  It's how you complete that thought in the next minute or two that determines whether you'll have another anniversary or whether you'll be meeting in a courtroom.

Daily conscious decisions.  Every day for the rest of your life.

Answer 9

Well, the truth is those 50-60% don't really know what real love is and thus are unable to live the guidelines of  'real love'.  

Answer 10

Who knows. Love is unpredictable.