Why do CERTAIN people come onto the adoption forum just to tell everybody how wonderfull and right adoption is

Question

Just because these people are obviously happy with their own good experiences doesn't make them qualified to judge others situations.

Also, I don't think anybody, adoptee or otherwise, is ever qualified to say that adoptive families are always best when possible.

I think a person being willing to keep their child makes a more suitable choice for a parent than a person willing to adopt

BTW, I'm an adoptee.

Answer 1

I think that there are times when adoption is better than being with the biological parent. Take abuse and neglect for instance, adoption would be in the best interest of the child. Although I can see your side, I also have a few friends who are adopted and know that they were given a better chance at life by this being so.

Some people do not realize they are unfit as parents until they have a child and can't handle the stress it can put on them. Others realize before the child is born that there's no way they can offer what others can, so they make the decision before the "bond". Although I consider it unfortunate when such things have to happen, I also think it is wonderful that there are others willing to open their homes and hearts to these children that are really in no way connected to them, and offer them a fighting chance.

Answer 2

I think agencies feed into the couples that are desperate for children and really take advantage of them by offering adoption as a solution to their infertility.

And the couples fall for it hook, line and sinker because they've been searching for a way to make their childhood dreams come true for 5, 10, 15 + years.

The adoption agency makes thousands, the infertile couple gets a baby and by the time they start realizing something is WRONG ( if EVER, some people stay in the fog for EVER ) Its too late to reverse the damage. So they find places like THIS where theres happy happy joy joy replies to help ease the reality of whats going on in their sugar coated adoption experience. If they surround themselves with other ONLY HAPPY experiences, maybe they can keep pretending theirs is the same way too.

It really helps the bubble of people looking to adopt,wanting to build their families, and get that baby the "dr.s" told they'd never have on their "own." If you turn one eye it will all be okay won't it?

Answer 3

Ha.

Just take a look at the people's reasons for thinking adoption is great...

Adopters getting a kid.

Seems to be the common theme in all the reasons, doesn't it?  It's all about getting what they want.  It's about entitlement.

These people see nothing wrong with trolling MySpace for young girls, and begging for their children.

They see nothing wrong with "buying" a child by paying a pregnant woman's rent, buying her everything, by coming to the delivery room, by pressuring her to give up her child.  Creating this obligation is just a means to an end.

They see nothing wrong with closing an open adoption agreement, with amended birth certificates, with making sure there's no "birth mama drama" once the ink is dry.

They see nothing wrong with terms like "gotcha day" and "you grew in the wrong tummy" and "you were meant to be mine".  They don't get that those words hurt, those words mean that the child was meant to lose everything for the sake of the adopters.

They see nothing wrong with hoping and praying that a little baby girl in China will be abandoned, and will face that heart crushing loss, just so they can become parents.

They see nothing wrong with these "safe haven" laws, with the fact that ANYBODY can be dropping off that infant, it doesn't even have to be the MOTHER of the child.  They don't care if there is a possibility that the child was forcibly taken from the mother and dropped off, they just don't care.  They don't care that in those intsances, the child will NEVER be able to know who and where it came from, or get a medical history.

They just want an adoptable baby, they don't care HOW the baby becomes adoptable.

They don't see the hurt that losing one's family causes.  They only see their own entitlement, and don't care about the expense to others for them to get it.

They only care for themselves.

Edited to add:

Anybody want some Kool-Aid?

Answer 4

i don't know why they do this maybe for someone to know and learn about it. i am adoptte also. i had good luck with good parents but  happen to know several that were abused with agoption and parents that is sad. so i don't know how one can tell if they are good or ont and not all you are right are good.

Answer 5

Hmmm.  Copied my question, just turned the point of view around, but strange how you got none of the raving, ignorant rants that I got.

I guess some people really don't like other's opinons, huh?

Lol.

Answer 6

I don't agree.  Every situation is different, we have adopted two children and honestly ~ please know I am not a judgemental person ~ they would not have had a life in the situation they were born into.  The first birthmother had 7 other chidlren and never wanted them...she when she had her 8th...she had no thought but to give her up for adoption.  she didn't want to give up her lifestyle of going from guy to guy and living with them...until she got pregnant and they kicked her out.

The second birthmother has 3 other children who are with family members.  The birthmom has mental health issues and says she is not able to care for them.  She does send them letters and gifts every so often, and we are going to make sure that he knows who is birthmother is.  She spends most of her time in the hospital because she always thinks something is wrong with her, or someone has done something to her.  Unfortunately it is due to the way she was raised, a very difficult lifestyle.  

Adoption isn't always right, but there are reasons why children are placed with adoptive families...and in most cases I would have to agree with that decision.

Answer 7

Because everyone wants to be right, and they will say anything to justify what they are doing and be in the right.  No one wants to feel guilt.

I just ignore people like that though!  Haha!  What do they know?  Nothing.  And its OBVIOUS.

Answer 8

midnitron:

This part of your answer is extremely insulting to most of us moms who relinquished our children at their birth:

"Are you telling me that you would be better off in a foster home?

Are you telling me you would be better off on the streets being homeless?

Are you telling me that you would be better off hungry instead of being fed?

Are you telling me that you would be better off left in a dumpster to die?"

Let me assure you, if I had kept my daughter, she would NOT have ended up in a foster home, nor on the streets, nor hungry, nor in a dumpster.

So why are you so sure the original poster would have ended up in those places?

The average demographic of most moms who relinquish newborns "voluntarily" is this:

Age: early twenties

Educational status: attending college or plans to attend college... usually with plans for advanced degrees

Family background: middle class

Contrary to popular belief, most of us are NOT drug addicts, whores, imbeciles, homeless, dirt poor, abusive, or unloving.

So I'd say.... adoptees who've been ripped from their natural families, losing their culture, family, original name, and their rights to their records have a RIGHT to be pissed, especially when often they were ripped from a home that could have and would have provided for them just fine.

Please try not to stereotype and demonize all of us birth families. Thank you.

Answer 9

Maybe they are adoption agency representatives who are looking to boost their take-home pay.  Trolling public discussion forums is a cheap way to find young women who are looking for help with unexpected pregnancies.  If they can keep forums all happy-clappy, ain't it great to give someone a nice gift tied with a pink or blue bow, they can get more babies for their customers.

And it maybe people who have had only happy experiences with adoption and have not experienced the not so pretty aspects.  Like mothers who were forced to give their children away and had them literally ripped from their arms while they screamed and sobbed.  Or adoptees who never recover from being separated from their mother moments after birth or after bonding with her for some years.  I have read that even children who come from neglectful situations, can mourn the loss of the mother-child bond.  It is a powerful thing that is totally dismissed by adoption "professionals". So sad.

I think that there are people here who have a financial interest in hiding the aspects of adoption that are not so wonderful.

Answer 10

Your kinda right, it doesnt make it better, I think the perfect family is a mommy and daddy that wants to keep their child, but stuff happens and adoption is great, exspecially for people who cant have kids of their own, my bro is adopted, but my other bro, sis, and me are all biological childrent to my parents, and I love all my sibs the same

Answer 11

I think they come to feed the propaganda machine.  If it were so great, they wouldn't need to PUSH it so much.