Why do I Need My Mom's Permission?

Question

I'm 37 years old! Why do I need Mommy's permission to Petition the Court for my own Birth records?

Once again the adoption system in the USA baffles me beyond belief

Answer 1

Sigh.

Because, adoptees are forever children in the eyes of the government.

Unless we are asking about our origins, in which case we become psychopathic serial killers who are going to hack up our bio's with a 10-inch butcher knife and dispose of the body in a cornfield in Iowa.

Answer 2

That's ridiculous, all right.

And pathetic.

And it's exactly why I despise bureaucracy.

I know this is WAY off topic, but when my dad went back to college at age 39 he had to have his mommy sign some permission paperwork, too - even though she was pushing 80 years old and was living in a nursing home while suffering through the last stages of Alzheimer's.

The system doesn't care. It's all by-the-book nonsense that sacrifices actual accomplishment for a false sense of "efficiency."

God, I hate the pointless idiocy of red tape and formalities.

Answer 3

wow...what state are you in?my thing is what if you dont have a good relationship with your adopted parents and you still want to know who your birth parents are..is it a no go?

Answer 4

I was adopted and found my birthparents. Certain states, such as Delaware, where my adoption was performed, will not open sealed records, but allow you to request your original birth certificate, which will allow you to see your birthparent's names.

I used those names and other info on the birth certificate to locate my birth parents.

Answer 5

I can not imagine being of legal age why you would have to jump through hoops to obtain YOUR records. It is your choice, but what a wonderful Mom you have to be so supportive in your quest. I have been searching for my birth son and I can only pray  not only that they told him that he was adopted but they too would be supportive and active in helping him find me if he so chooses. Our system gives birthparents no rights! All I can do is keep on updating my info so that it is there for him to find me. I pray that He does. I wish you well in your search if that's what you plan to pursue. I hope they're all you imagined they would be.

Answer 6

It is not asking for your mommy's permission to do something, it is your mommy giving the government permission to let you see the records.  When you were adopted, your records were sealed.  This is done mainly to protect the natural parents identity.

Answer 7

the only thing i can think is no matter what it is a legal document, and your mom is the one that signed it. therefore, in their eyes, she is the one entitled to the information.

its ridiculous, but i cant come up with a different conclusion.

i dont think they have ever considered the adoptee as a person when they make up these procedures. at the time you were a 'purchase' and you will remain that way in their eyes.

no matter what your age.

Answer 8

haven't you asked this question before?  or are you always looking for a way to bash the USA?

you don't need your "mommy's" permission -- you need the state's permission.  please feel free to get it so you can stop your whining.  

You are adopted -- you have not served in war so please stop acting like you deserve some sort of purple heart for the 'atrocities' the US just heaps on adoptees.

Good God!

Answer 9

The American system loves to watch people jump through hoops for the fun of it.

Answer 10

Okay, so a lot of people here don't understand the issue, how the adoption process works, or the law.  As you know, some states do not keep records sealed from adopted persons.  It has absolutely nothing to do with what the birth parents want or don't want.  If that were the case, then records would seal upon relinquishment.  

**The records of children who have been relinquished ("given up") for adoption by their natural parents do not seal in any state in the US.**  Therefore, it is NOT about "birth parent anonymity."

It is only if an adoptive placement occurs and FINALIZES that the records seal.  In states that close records, this sealing happens whether the natural parents want them to or not.  They seal whether the natural parents want contact or not.  It is not up to the natural parents.  Interestingly, in two states (California and Ohio) the adoptive parents and/or the adoptee (if old enough to state) have the option of whether or not to seal the original birth certificate.

**Sealing of records is about the ADOPTION, not the relinquishment.**

It has nothing to do with contact/reunion.  That happens with or without closed records.  Even people who know their natural families cannot receive unconditional access to their own birth records in closed records states.  Yes, some states do require that an adopted person get the approval of their adoptive parents as part of the process in accessing their birth records.

This is an issue of equal rights.  If some people wish to call it whining, by all means do so, but in our country we strive for equal treatment under the law for our citizens.  Adopted citizens are not receiving this in many states, such as Heather's state.  All of citizens, INCLUDING THOSE RELINQUISHED BUT NOT ADOPTED, have the right to access, without condition (other than a nominal fee,) to their own birth record.  Adopted citizens are the only ones who don't.  Expecting equal treatment under the law is not whining -- it's standing up for what is right.

ETA:

Hmmm, a southward thumb?  Someone doesn't believe in equal treatment under the law....

Answer 11

OMG!  The answers, as always, are hilarious!  The answers reveal how little is known about adoption in GENERAL and how much adoption myths and falsehoods prevail. Even among some adoptees, sadly.  

"If it were a closed adoption..."  Open adoption is a relatively new concept. (or, a renewed one, since it was a more common practice prior to 1930).  Open adoption wasn't even an option when I was adopted. Open adoption became an option around the early to mid-1990's.

"If your birth mother doesn't want to be contacted"; well, actually, we don't know that UNLESS we contact her to ask. If she says she doesn't want contact, well, of course, that's that.

My birth mom was waiting to hear from me, hoping I'd contact her. She didn't initiate contact for fear of "messing up" my life. And because she'd been told not to, like many first moms.  

"If you don't have a good relationship with your adopted parents and still want to know birth parents" - what does one have to do with the other? Why do I (a grandmother, BTW) need my parent's permission to make contact with another adult? Do you need your mommy's permission to have contact with your grown up friends?  

"It is your mommy giving the government permission to let you see the records."  Again, do you need your mommy to give the government permission to, say, get a copy of your birth certificate? No you don't.

The records weren't sealed to protect the natural parents ID's.  

In fact, prior to the 1930's in America, this practice didn't happen.  Originally, beginning in the 1940's records were sealed to protect children and their adopting families from the stigma of illegitimacy.  

"A child’s birth certificate was at one time stamped with the fact of  his or her illegitimate birth.  Later, replacement birth certificates began to be issued, listing names of the adoptive parents as if the child had been naturally born to them.  What started as a process to make adoption more attractive and to protect the child from being stigmatized by his illegitimate birth became linked with the mandate of secrecy.  By 1950 most states had laws forever sealing original birth certificates and court records, not only from the public but also from the adoptive parents and the adoptee."

http://www.adoptionhistory.org/

When we don't even know WHY something was started in the first place, how can we ever hope to change it?  

What's the saying?  "Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it." Or, perhaps more appropriatly, "Ignorance is bliss."

ETA: When I began my response, Laurie & Rachel hadn't weighed in yet...The "hilarious" answers are those mentioned in my response...

Answer 12

That's odd.  Not a clue!

Answer 13

Because in the US adopted children, like Lost Boys, never grow up....  [/snark]