Why do I always worry about this?

Question

I'm with my boyfriend on and off since June. We started going back out on the 3rd of this month and I'm always feeling like I'm going to lose him. Like one day he is going to turn around and be like "yeah, f*ck you i found someone better". I can't get the thought out of my head. I know that what I'm thinking is wrong, we just thought I was pregnant and he said he would have loved it if I was and was planning on marrying me next year after I had the baby. But, just found out that I'm not pregnant. This thought isn't recent, I've always been thinking that he'll find someone better and walk away from me. I'm head over heels for him I just don't know what it is.

Any of you have any ideas of why I keep thinking this?

Oh...I'm 19 and he is 30. I only date men 25 and older because of two very bad past experiences.

Answer 1

You may have issues with abandonment.  I do.  My Father died when I was 21 and my brother died when I was 14.  Go talk to someone before it causes you problems.  I have had a lot of problems because of it and it seems that I ALWAYS pick people who continue to make me feel that way. I guess because that is all I know and I expect everyone to leave me.  It's hard.  Think back and try to make a connection with someone very important to you leaving you for one reason or another such as divorce, death, a friend moving, such as that.  I am 44 and I still do it, and know I do it,  I don't have an answer as how to not worry about it tho.  All I can do is say you are not alone.

Answer 2

It sounds like your relationship was not on a firm footing in the first place, until you told him you thought you were pregnant.  You probably think he got together with you more firmly for that reason and now you are not pregnant, he has no real reason to stay with you.  This shows poor self-esteem and the idea that you "need" a man to feel fulfilled and worthwhile.  You need to mature and develop some self-esteem because people have an inherent self-worth and if you can't find it standing on your own two feet, you are not going to find it in any other situation.  I hope you   develop some chutzpah!