Why do I feel jealous of my husband's friends and family?

Question

I can't help but feel jealous and alittle competitive with my husband's friends and family. What is too much? I feel like they are cheap *&#$@ who expect him to be giving to them, yet they don't do what he does to them. I am tired of them, and I am purposely being mean to them.

Answer 1

Well just be the partner that you signed up to be and when they try to take advantage say no for him that's what I do my husband is the same way but I don't allow anyone to use him I block that s*** now his family is not that way but some of his friends are but it is better now because they know I don't fall for it. Besides you cant make your husband not have friends if he is a people person just because you are not.  

Answer 2

Well if it is jealousy then that is usually based in fear and insecurity. If he is giving you the amount of time, attention and priority that he should be then you are being overly protective of him.  Certainly he is a grown up and capable of dealing with them and making choices about the degree of their pull and demands on him wisely you would hope?

I hear resentment more than jealousy in your question.  Maybe he needs to learn to draw more appropriate boundaries and lines with them and that is something the TWO OF YOU need to discuss if it is a point of contention, resentment and/or problem for you in your marriage.  I have a problem with my husbands family and find it hard to be nice to them too - so I understand a little.  BUT they are FAMILY and he loves them whether you do or not - which is how he should feel about them.  He doesn't need your approval or authorization to love them or spend time with them.  BUT as your husband he does owe you a place in the equation with regard to decisions that affect your family, his time, your finances etc.  SO sounds to me like you need to have some serious communication time.  

Answer 3

He must attract selfish people, friends and spouse alike.

Answer 4

Family is family.

He needs to set boundaries and you need to control your negative thoughts.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Be careful, he may choose them over you.  You have to try and talk this over with your husband..........you very immature it sounds if you are 'purposely being mean to them'  Grow up and resolved things maturely.

Answer 6

Zafta, you are setting your relationship up to fail.  It is immature and selfish to be "purposely mean to them".  As a married woman, you need to discuss this situation with your husband.

Answer 7

My ex-husband's family was kinda like that too. I'm sure it gets old for you.

Talk with him and express how you feel. Your needs and the needs of your children ALWAYS come before those of his OTHER family.

You can always move on......

Answer 8

Geez.  I'm glad your not in my family.  You sound evil.

Answer 9

Get your own life outside of your husband and his affairs.

How he chooses to treat his friends and family is his choice, you can't control that.  If you had your own set of friends and family to spend time with then you probably wouldn't even notice the things that he does with his.

Answer 10

Keep on doing what you're doing and watch your marriage dissolve. Then everyone can get back to being HAPPY.