Why do I feel jealous of this boy?(Journal HELP entry) Observe & analyze please

Question

I didn't know if this belonged in the depresssion or not but I had to post it here because I am 16 and I had just got out of 4 months of depression because I found out that this guy I was talking to who was like 20 had a girlfriend and was about to use me for s*x. As a teen I think I have always worried so much and thought so hard that it actually makes me sick, of course I can only blame this on myself but thats why I came here to get some online help until I see a counselor. I guess I'm basically saying that relationships are making me sad because I feel I will never find what I consider a "boyfriend" because when everytime I start dating a guy I find out sooner or later(and I know they aren't bad people) but they are either about to break up with their girlfriends or are still with them. Even the "good guys" have puit me through this situation. Ok so anyways, I met this guy who I didn't necessarily like as a boyfriend but as a friend and it turned out that he like me more than a friend, I use to play with him at work which was pretending to me that I liked him but to him he really liked me. So obviously he got mad when I told him I liked him as a friend but gradually I decided that he would be great to go out with. He gave me his number and I started asking him questions. My 1st question was: "Have you ever made out before? " and he texted me back on my cell "Of course" and he told me he had 3 ex girlfriends in his lifetime. I told him I never necessarily have a boyfriend but I didn't tell him why. So I don't know all of a sudden I became jealous of him, not necessarily of his ex-girlfriends but I think I'm jealous of the fact that he considers them girlfriends and he has made out before. I don't even know nor have I seen his exes but I don't get why I am so jealous of the fact that he has made out before. Then it disturbed that I was jealous of the fact that he even kissed a girl, I didn't like him to begin with. I tried to tell myself that I can't control that fact and I tell myself I too have kissed a boy but to me making out is like kissing for a long time and I feel I haven't made out so I guess I feel a little insecure and that I feel I have to know how to do these things since he did it(I assume with his other girlfriends, really I don't know) I've never felt this way before and he didn't even know me then, also I am sad because he goes to a different high school form me and his ex does go there. The thought of not having a good boyfriend makes me feel inferior and that I am not good enough or that I am a wierdo, a freak, a loser, that I have no life because I haven't made out I guess, but really making out can be different things. I just don't feel important and I already have a lower self esteem form my so called boyfriends. I have been in high school and my friends talk about their boyfriends but never have I felt this bad about it. I'm just looking for something that will make me happy and I see girls smile when they talk about their boyfriends taking them out and I just see the world as everyone has something I don't have not what I have. Ok more on the different high school, it saddens me that I'm not going to see him over the school year and probably never again because even though I have his number he hasn't been texting me and he is going to graduate this year. I don't know what to do and sometimes I think he will go back to his ex girlfriend or she might want him again because I asked about his ex gf and he told me that she loves him but I don't think he loves her. I just need some help sorting my feelings out because I feel like jello almost. Thank you for reading whoever finishes this!

Answer 1

could you try to break it into paras or something so its less of an info overload? yeahh i'm kinda like whoa...

anyway, i think that you're not really jealous but more resentful of your best friend/boyfriend (wait, ur still together, right? a little confused about that) because he's had more 'experience' in relationships that don't seem as unstable as yours.

second of all, you're 16! dating right now is like experimenting, to see what kind of guy we're more attracted to and stuff. its great to have a boyfriend who can make you happy, especially in high school when we're all stressed out about like everything, but remember, high school relationships don't last long and are definitely more fun then serious.

but if you really think you and your bf could be serious and last, then why don't you tell him all this stuff? he needs to know your insecurities and help you deal with them cause it always feels better to tell someone (that you know, not total strangers) your problems, and cause if the ppl you tell are really your friends they'll give you advice and stuff.

i'm 16 too (i know i sound older its just cause my brother majors in psychology and i've picked up his psychoanalyzing habit XD) so i say don't worry, relax, and be confident!!! ur boyfriend likes you for a reason, you know, so don't compare urself to his exes and don't compare him to yours 8D hope i sort of helped!

Answer 2

first . i'm sorry guys treated you like ****. and i understand what you are feeling but what you need to underrstand is boys dont matter in high school. like sure some people find their soulmates but most dont. yes they make you happy but you could get involved with other activities that keep you busy and make you happier. yes it might be nice to be with this guy but if his past bothers you then you shouldnt have to make yourself uncomfortable. also not making out with a guy is NOT a big deal. i had a camp counsler who hadnt kissed a guy and she was a sophmore of collage !! and now (2 years later) shes engadged !! so i would focus on yourself try to make you happy get involved with things that you enjoy and try new clubs and stufff like that but i would try and stay busy because you wont even notice it but you'll be happy :D

xoxo,

Mimi

Answer 3

First of all you're welcome :-P (I didn't think I would actually finish but I did!).  Secondly, I think that you should start to seek some sort of solace within yourself.  You seem to be looking for it through this ideal relationship because that is what your friends or other girls around you seem to be experiencing.  Well, I have to write that what you are seeing between these people around you is what they show you, not what is actually happening (maybe these people-girls and guys alike-feel exactly like you do, you never know; don't believe the hype).

On the 20 y/o, honey, you are only 16 y/o.  He is 20, and practically a grown man.  I don't want to offend you or anything, but I think he was attempting to take advantage of you.  My advice on that is to stay away from older men until you are older yourself (and even then I would watch my steps if I were you).  

Now, with the high school guy that you were texting.......I think that you just let your insecurity get the best of you.  When you start to question your self worth (especially if your self-esteem is low to begin with) your mind begins to find fault in everything.  It's sort of like a virus, like a domino effect or something (I hope that makes sense).  

I don't believe that you actually like this person like you think you do.  I think you like what his status as a male offers  you-the chance to become that "good boyfriend" that you want.  There's nothing wrong with wanting a "good boyfriend," but when you allow your desires (or when you are lacking them) to destroy your self-worth then you really need to take a good hard look in the mirror.  Ask yourself why it is that you want these things, or why you get so insecure.  

I know this doesn't have anything to do with relationships, but let me give you an example.  When I was younger I used to believe that I was ugly.  People made fun of me and called me ugly so I actually started to believe it.  I would look in the mirror and find fault in everything that I saw.  Finally, one day I decided to focus on something that I like about my face (which turned out to be my eyebrows LOL, but I'm serious) and slowly I started to see that I am a beautiful person.  Anyhow, I think that you need to do something like that.  Though you may not have had a boyfriend yet, think about what you like about yourself and try and restore your own confidence instead of placing it in this desire of yours.  There's no better feeling than to love yourself (well, God, but that's another post :-P).

Now, thank you if you made it this far in my response.  Don't worry so much about having made out or having a serious boyfriends.  I am going to tell you the truth about myself and I am not ashamed of it either.  I am 22 y/o.  I have never had a boyfriend or made out and I don't care.  There are certain things that I want but I won't settle, and neither should you.  Things happen in their own time.  Just because you don't have something doesn't mean that you should destroy yourself in the process.  Learn to love yourself first, then go for it.