I am 35 years old. I look about 25. I have green eyes, which is the only feature I like about myself. I am 5’5†and about 150 pounds. I had been skinny all my life but over the past 3 years a few people say I look a little healthier, or I have gained some wait - looks good. I still see this skinny person. Doesn’t help that I’m short and look young. I have gone all my life feeling ugly and have no idea how to lift that esteem. I tell myself sometimes that I’m not because I have been in relationships before with very attractive women, but they never last. My teeth are the worst, and if I had anything I could change about me it would be that. Since they are bad…and I mean bad. I do not smile at all except maybe a closed mouth grin. I hate pictures of me. There is no one on earth who has a picture of me and if they do, it isn’t on their wall. My own parents didn’t even want me. I haven’t seen them since 1990 when I was 17. I ask friends if I am horrible to look at, and all of them say no, some say I’m “cuteâ€Â. I hate that word, and I truly believe they just say that so as not to hurt me. I feel like I will torture myself with this question all my life and have no defining answer. I know you could say “why let it bother you? Stop!†But when you have done this all your life, it isn’t that easy. Being ugly won’t just stop you from having relationships; it can stop you moving forward in your career as well. It keeps me depressed and screws with many avenues of my life. It makes me mad at God. I drive a really nice sports car, and some people will pull up fast to see who is driving it, only to back off when they see me. You can call me vain, but it is a trait the world has taught me through their own vainness. The only girls who think I’m worth smiling at, or crushing on I guess are way too young. I am tired of little teeny boppers thinking I’m cute because from my appearance, I look young, but no one my age even pays attention. I know, there are probably no answers to my questions that will ever resolve what is in me, I know this it is an inside job. But I post anyway just in case there is some miracle answer out there as to why I feel this way, and why I let it bother me, dictating everything I do in life.
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