Why do I feel so overwhelmed?

Question

I am a stay at home mother. My husband works and that his only responsibility. I do everything else. I manage our money, take care of the kids, do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, plus occasional mantainance within the home like fixing the sink etc. I begin to feel like I am managing his life for him. He has no clue as to what bills we owe or when they are due. He didn't even know my son's birthdate when asked at a Dr. visit. I feel like I am doing this alone sometimes. This is a bit much for one person to handle especially if help is right there but not willing to be a part. I have tried to explain to him, but he says I don't work so it is my job. I am really stressed out all the time. What should I do.

Answer 1

Keep this up and you will burn out. He does have some responsibility and he is copping out on it. Is he a male chauvinist? He needs to spend a day alone with certain daily duties along with taking care of the kids while performing all those duties. Show him what your day entails. Make a schedule of your daily tasks. Use your Yahoo calender for that. Enlighten him for God's sake. Don't allow him to minimize the importance of all you do to keep the family intact. If he chooses to brush it off, counseling will be an option when you decide you want to strangle him. Tell him you want counseling, if he has insurance-EAP at work is free of charge for him and you. Good Luck with Chuck.  

Answer 2

I feel sorry for you. I had to make my bf and step-son get with it. Now, we all get things done, with it all falling on me or anybody else. The house is clean and nobody is too tired.

Tell him you need some help around the house. everything can't be your job  And that being home and taking care of every little thing for him and kids is more than a full-time job. He canvacuum, throw a load  of clothes in the washer, wash a few dishes. That is not too much to ask for.

Start a chore list if you must. Give him some light things, and if the kids are big enough to help, pass a few things to them too. Like cleaning their rooms, pulling the trash, help with the dishes.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like you are a single mom, does that make you happy?  Insist counseling or make a difficult decision to get out.

Answer 4

Quit doing everything. You are only human. He needs to help you. If not, go get an outside job, see how he likes that.

Answer 5

its called life i am too

Answer 6

I think your husband uses working as an excuse  to escape from the duties you describe. I am a working mom and my husband is a working dad but we divide chores. I think the key is to get him involved somehow. Go out with your friends for a ladies night. Make sure you tell him ahead of time so he can't make excuses and give him options on what he should do with your son. Make it as concrete as possible like: our son has a play date with x child and this is the address...you get my drift. Gradually pull him into doing more things around the house so before he knows it he's taken on more stuff. Something like, could you pick up the drycleaning on your way home or could you return these books to the library on your way to work...hand him a grocery list and send him to the store. DO NOT NAG. DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE "YOU NEVER DO ANTHING"...  

Answer 7

I do all this but instead of being a stay at home wife, I work full time. Either way, stress is there but I think sometimes women who stay home are more stressed because you don't have an outlet. You're home all day with the kids. Try dropping them off at a day care for a few hours during the week so you can have time for a mani or pedi. Or you could hang out with your girlfriends a few times a month and let hubby watch the kids. You need time for yourself.

Answer 8

I am friends with a couple who work things the same way and I could never understand it. No way could I come home after working eight hours and watch my wife work 16. I never had a problem pitching in. I considered house, yard, and car maintenance and child rearing my responsibilities and was always willing to pitch in with housework, too. Marriage is supposed to be a team effort, one person cannot carry it all