Why do I have issues with eye contact

Question

My boyfriend recently brought to my attention that it almost seems that I go out of my way to avoid eye contact with people. Actually he is right, I will look at people when I talk to them but sometimes even I am aware that I am not looking at them, like I'm looking above them or beside them etc. I get very nervous when I make eye contact which is strange because I am a highly social person who isn't uncomfortable with things like public speaking, meeting new people, etc. Any suggestions as to what could be making me do this?

Answer 1

You seem to feel threatened by people, or at least estranged from them. There is a beautiful song by Louis Armstrong that says "And I say to myself: 'what a wonderful world'". It might not be exactly that wonderful, but the song is good practice...

Answer 2

i used to have the same problem it was always hard looking someone in the eyes i couldn't even hold a gaze for more then 4 seconds i realized that it was because i wasn't comfortable with my self that i couldn't look at anyone else because of my self i wasnt sure of how could i look in other peoples eyes and be sure of them

Answer 3

It seems as if you have some sort of self esteem issues...did something happen as child where you wasnt allowed to look someone in the eyes..maybe a teacher or family member and maybe it just carried on with you through adulthood.

Answer 4

I have this issue as well and have been trying to figure it out for years.  I've even spoken with my wife about it (she is a psychologist).  Issues with eye contact could be due to a number of things.  First, it could be that you have low self-esteem and take a submissive role in one-on-one conversations with people.  Second, it could that you have problems with intimacy (not sexual, just connecting with them); eye contact really "exposes" you to someone and that can make you feel uncomfortable if you don't know them very well or don't trust them.    And third, it might be that you never developed eye contact as a skill, as it is a very understated social skill that we, in fact, learn throughout our lives.  Some people are just more socialized to engaging in eye contact than others.  

In my case, I have no problem making eye contact with strangers in day-to-day life, such as retail clerks, and public servants, and people on the street.  It's when I'm in an intimate one-on-one, face-to-face conversation with people that I start feeling very uncomfortable with maintaining prolonged eye contact.  I feel like I'm in a starting contest and that's all I can concentrate on for some reason.  So I look away often.  I still can't figure it out.  

Answer 5

Making eye contact is an incredibly powerful tool for gaining control. I know a guy who can make an unruly kid behave with a glare. I've seen him do it. It's incredible. We were in one of those warehouse discount stores... you know the kind. This kid was standing up in his mom's cart, stomping and screaming. This guy nailed him with a glare and the kid stopped stamping and quit screaming. He continued to glare and the kid sat down in the cart. We moved on. But about 10 minutes later we happened to pass the kid and his mom again; and he was still sitting quietly in the cart.

I used to lifeguard... a few years ago. When somebody was breaking a rule, I'd blow my whistle and make eye contact. Then I'd motion for them to get out of the pool and come and talk to me. And they did.

If you make eye contact, people KNOW you're talking to them. I was always taught it's kind of a courtesy thing. But women have to be a little careful with it. If we get caught staring at a guy... Just keep it in context.

In answer to your question, I don't honestly know.You could figure it out for yourself by thinking back over your life... or you could visit some psychologist and pay him or her a couple hundred bucks to ask you to go back over your life'  and he or she would tell you when you had figured it out for yourself.

Are you selfconscious about something? Are you particularly shy? Learn to make eye contact and nobody will ever know. ;-)

Maybe work on it in a mirror?