Why do I have no friends at all/am I a loser?

Question

I haven't had a friend in almost 10 years, and he was a psychotic wannabe-goth kid who started beating me mercilessly before moving. Since then I've talked to people. I've been in every type of environment imaginable and still never had friends. I'm about to celebrate my 23rd birthday in a week and I will be completely alone for the first time. The last few years I spent my birthdays with my Mom but this year she's going to see my older brother-his b-day is the day before mine-and he and his own family cut me out of their life recently. I barely talk to or see my other family anymore because when I do they basically see a loser loaded with all the potential and looks in the world who pisses it all away. Even my younger cousins are starting to see a loser in me as they get older. They've friends, bf/gfs and lives while I just sit at home alone scared to live life. When I get jobs no one likes me or talks to me. I know my good qualities but I have no reason to feel like this!

Answer 1

First you need to change your negative mindset. When no one talks to you, you should take the first step and approach them.

Answer 2

you're obviously making fun of someone else and if you arent you just need to look at the bright side of things because someone always has it worse than you :( sorry.

Answer 3

Believe in yourself .. do only things which are right .. don't try to convince anyone of anything ... just do all the right things and go on your way -- it will show.

In order to have a friend - you first, have to be a friend.

There is some reason for sooooo many of the same type of reaction from many people.   Do an inventory of yourself - and see what's up - (be truthful with yourself).

Answer 4

Wow...and I'd like to add...Hmmmm.  I'm finding myself curious to hear about the "I know my good qualities" part.  I'm not sure a loser is the word I would use to describe you. I might say a lump instead.  Just "existing" is not necessarily a "loser".  now...back to those good qualities...   :)

Answer 5

i really dont know what to say but ive had the same problem and no one would be near me. then i went all quiet and wouldnt talk to anyone. people started to let me be near them. i was always the butt end of a joke. then a friend moved out of state and one of her new friends and me stated texting alot somehow and i told her about how everyone treats me and now theyve stoped. i dont know she did but im no longer an outcast. i suggest that if there is any1 u trust to tell them and they will get the word around that it isnt funny. i hope this works.

Answer 6

Ah, I know a lot of people. This does not mean I need to have slumber parties to prove it.

Friends in a way, suck, ugh, my character becomes there's, they begin to laugh and talk like me, dress like me, and then the most annoying thing is they agree with everything I say, as if I needed approval for my thoughts. I like controversy, I love diversity, and yeah like minded individuals can have some advantages. I feel I get more accomplished on my own (when I really really want something to get done). Friends come in handy when I want to get plastered, or talk c**p (how sophisticated) about someone’s dress. Most of the people I know don’t seem to like the same things I do, so I distance myself to feel somewhat whole I guess. The more I distance myself from people I know, the more I lack in meeting new people. I find company entertaining but that’s not what I’m looking for in anyone, for god sakes, I can make my own self laugh. BUT, I sure as h**l won’t dare and get drunk on my own though. See what I am saying?  

It’s funny how people use one another. I don’t want to do that.

Oh yeah, back to you kid. So you spent you’re last birthdays with “yo mama”. Yikes! Interesting more so (I think).

Okay, spending you’re birthday with moms is probably not the greatest thing on earth that could have happened to you, but honestly she will last in you’re life forever. Unlike most people you know, or will ever know.

Oh well

Thank ya

Who told you, you were scared to live life? Define life? Maybe you’re definition of life is different from there’s. Maybe it’s easy for people to tell you what you’re not doing because they feel whatever there doing is more expectable by group of association, the same association groups that fall in to agreements within there own living styles. So theoretically you’re labeled”Alien”. Phone home Bi-itches.  

You know, I will say this again, It’s funny how people use one another for acceptants according to there universe. Where ever the h**l that is.      

Hey, as long as you don't fall dependent on others to make you happy, then you're pretty much happier then them.

Answer 7

well what makes you feel like your a loser? do you like your own company? (guessing not cuz your scared to be alone)

and that's key if you don't value your own time and company why should anyone else???

you feel that your not living life then this might help!

1. Set goals that are close to your morals, values, and heart.

Goals are great – they keep you on track! Only if they mean something to you and they are close to you. Then understanding that your goals you have to WORK for they are not going to be giving to you on a silver platter just because you picked that as your goal. Grant you, you may meet some people to help you along your journey! If you never get that goal all that work you put into will make you feel ALIVE!

2. Educated risks

When we get stuck in our daily lives we tend to do the same thing over and over giving us that feeling of geesh just another day! One way to stop that is to do a bit of research and take a risk. Weather it be jumping off a bridge (that you know is save to jump off of) or asking a stranger what they think of something or other. Is it scary well I hope so because that is the point! We tend to forget we have other emotions and if you don’t startle them you will feel bored of life.

3. Comfort zone (goes with educated risk)

Along the same lines of educated risk we all tend to do what is safe for us? I’m not asking you to do something ridiculously stupid or completely unsafe. But try to point out your comfort zone.

For example: you are not the type to start conversations because you are shy or because you had a bad experience. Well you are not the same person you were back then so step out of that comfort zone and try it.

Maybe it’s your clothing you never wear yellow it’s to bright and may look funny. Try it any way not like it’s going to hurt you! Stepping out of your comfort zone at least 1 time a day can really increase your feeling ALIVE.

4. Where is the kid in you?

Did you lose that every asking questions of interest? Are you scared to do something out of fear someone will say you are childish? Is that someone you look up to or are they just pretending to live life? Grow down do something silly get laughed at get called a kid then say I’m a kid at heart! Parents got a head up on this one when you have a kid you have to play with your kid! There for acting like a kid is easy. So think back on what you enjoyed as a kid or even something you never had the guts to do when you were a kid and give it a shot!

5. Forgiveness

Okay this is one of the hardest things to do but it will take that tension/pressure off of you! Weather you forgive that human to their face or just to yourself either way you should do this. One of the hardest things was to forgive someone but it is the one thing that will make you feel free and alive! Plus you won’t have that added mental weight killing your mind.

6. Something new (sort of a piggy back off of comfort zone)

At least one time a week do something you have never tried before it could be a new way to work, a new taste, or even a new thought pattern. What ever it is make sure you go into it with a clear head and mind. (Easier to have a clear mind when you forgive people)

7. Give yourself time (MAKE IT)

You can’t enjoy it all if you don’t take time to breathe it in and reflex on it. You know the saying stop and smell the roses. Yes it is harder in today’s age but how ever you have to do it: schedule an appointment with yourself, Give up TV for 15 minutes for yourself, or pass up a healthy meal for a quick fix to help free up some time! What ever the sacrifice it will be worth it in the long run!!!!

8. Give up excuses

It can be hard not to give excuses to something but don’t give excuses for who you are or the actions you take. If you were wrong or you made a mistake apologize and learn from it then make it good.

Example: If you were late for work don’t wine about the traffic jam you know what stuff comes up. Learn from it by leaving early for work or just say sorry I was running late! And leave it at that!

9. Let it go!

Letting go is almost like forgiving but your letting it go almost in one ear out the other, mainly with negative stuff that we get slammed with daily. If you think someone said something to hurt your feelings or you are unsure why they said what ever who cares just let it go, it really isn’t that important! Yes it is easer said then done but very effective! So practice!!!

Answer 8

What do you really like to do? Are there groups that do this in your area? If so join them.

Go out somewhere, not bars, and just start talking to people, keep going there around the same time (ok bars are ok but find a good one where there isn't somebody falling asleep at the bar every night). Just keep going and soon you will meet some people that have common interests.

It sounds like you are in a funk, and it might be due to some sort of injury (most likely emotional), that makes you have a bad self image. If so then get some counseling for it.

Answer 9

duuuuude! you need to build up some confidence! if you think you're a loser, so will everyone else. also, do you do this pity party rant when you're with other people? if so, talk about the weather instead. and happy early birthday!

Answer 10

concentrate more on finding a  passion in life ....like learn to play the guitar or somthing like that.

exercise  your body ,go to the jim .......you will feel stronger and more confident.

check your diet ...make sure your getting enough fruit and veg.

try uk-muscle.co.uk  its good for diet and fitness.

you will be fine

Answer 11

Can you give me your birthdate? I could look at this from an astrological perspective. You have to be a Cancer or on the cusp and these types feel very sorry for themselves and can be overly dependent on other people. I have recently been in the same boat as you with family and what I have discovered is that the most important thing is to center yourself spiritually. You cannot rely on the outside world to provide you with love and self-esteem. Other people are not constant (or most aren't). Please start exploring something higher by going into the Eastern religion, Yoga, and Metaphysical sections of the bookstore and library. Good luck.+

Answer 12

Stop calling yourself a loser.  God doesnt make junk.  Learn to be positive.

Answer 13

I'll be your friend!

Answer 14

maybe you should see a therapist. im not being mean or joking but it really might help you feel better about yourself.

Answer 15

try to find something intresting you like, a hobbie for example, and join that group in your community, like if you like soccer, join a mini soccer team, or you can become a coach or something else that you find fun, anything, just find it and go after it.  if you're having fun, you'll forget all your problems, and maintain decent friends, and after a while you could maybe try and reconnect with your family showing them the new side of you!

and may i recomend  becoming a litlle more attatched to your religion.!

you know what make a goal, like by christamas or another holiday of your religion.  make your self worthy and confident enough to see the new fun side of you. and you will be celebrating christames with your family and maybe new friends like nothing ever happened!

Answer 16

wow thats kinda sad not to be rude or anything but if u havent had friends in 10 years than yea u r a loser sorry :[

Answer 17

First I just wont to reiterate that you aren't a loser and that you should begin to think about your great qualities and allow those qualities to be what fuels your confidence. Second sometimes we harbor feelings about ourselves and carry them into other relationships and when that its done we begin to isolate ourselves from the very people who love and care for us. Take sometime to think about what has happened in the last 10 years to make you draw into yourself and don't assume that when you meet people that they will think badly of you or feel that your a loser. Next time your with a group of people feel the conversation out and then offer up your great qualities, show them a killer smile and go from there, try not to focus on the negative while meeting people and don't offer your life story to soon.  Most importantly learn to love and forgive yourself,  do some self reflection during this period of being alone and fall back in love with you!   I know these seem like words and you feel like you have been in this slump for awhile and saying it will get better is cliche but it will get better as you begin to love yourself and try to find your purpose while getting in touch with a higher power. Good luck and Happy Birthday.

Answer 18

I would say you should probably see a therapist they could probably help you

Answer 19

This sounds like something you should talk to a therapist about. There must be som underlying reason that you feel this way. Do you try to make friends? Do you reach out to people, introduce yourself?

Answer 20

I think you really need to examine and be truthful with yourself. If the people around you, family, don't associate with you...then there is something you need to change.

Check out you local mental health clinic. If none is around, then try your local church. You are lost and are in need of guidance.

you may want to try to take a turn at taking care of something, a pet / plant etc.

Answer 21

At first, when I saw the first line of your question, I was planning to say that if you have close family members, then that can be just the same as having friends, but now I see that even your family seems to be cutting you out.

What exactly are you doing to anger people so much?  I mean, for your brother and his family to have cut you out of their lives, you must've done something pretty bad.  Or you are being too nasty or negative when you are around them?

Just sit down and think about why the people that you already know are avoiding you.  Take a notebook and write down how you might be able to improve yourself.  You can find lots of good information online, once you determine what your behavioral problems are.

If you are drinking too much or anything serious like that, get some counseling.  Or even just get counseling if you think it would help you to think in less loser-ish ways.  You can also spend some time praying (if you believe in that) or just thinking about what might be your major flaws.

You can start by doing some visualization, too.  Close your eyes, do some deep breathing, and picture yourself being and acting the way you'd like to be - not like some kind of rich bigshot or anything, but a true, genuine person that people would like.

You could also start a gratitude journal.  Spend some time every day writing about the things you are thankful for - big or small.  And write about the good things about yourself,while still trying to work on getting better.

You can do it!  Good luck!