Why do I live in fear?

Question

This is going to sound really crazy. But for the past couple of months, I've been EXTREMELY scared of my parents or my brother dying. Life is going good right now, at least better than it was..and I feel like I'm going to be punished for something. And the only way I can get rid of this punishment is to live in fear and worry that tragedy is going to happen.

I KNOW death is unexpected and inevitable. I know that it happens to everyone. But I feel like the MINUTE I lose that fear of this thought, then it will happen. I feel like once I start to think "Oh yea, stop worrying, your parents are fine, just live it up" then life will happen and something bad will happen.

I know this isn't normal, so should I go see a therapist? Has anybody ever felt like this before? How do you get rid of these feelings? It comes to the point where sometimes I am afraid to go to sleep (I do eventually, but I get scared because I feel like I should have been better to my parents that day.)

By the way, my dad is 67, works 7 days a week, my mom is 55 and is always stressed and lonely bc me and my brother both moved out at 18 about 5 hours away. I feel guilty. My brother lives in LA and I live in OC and we barely see each other.

HELP ME PLEASE FIGURE THIS OUT?

Answer 1

You seem to be suffering from mild anxiety, noting to worry about. You're not going crazy you just seem to have alot on your mind at the moment. The best thing to do is may be see a psychiatrist. They can see what is causing it and help you to get through it. Also the best  thing to do before you go see one is figure what is triggering these thoughts. Then you can try and eviod these situations.

Answer 2

Yes I used to feel like this. And those crazy thoughts used to come back and follow me.  But I began to realize that no matter if I lost my family, I would try to remain okay and strong.  I also knew that even if I lost everything, my friends, family and materialistic things, that I could still be okay and get love from some one else.  Weather it be friends, a new bf or God.

Answer 3

I'm a woman, and  when I was a teenager I had all kinds of fears.  I don't know if it is because women tend to be more sensitive to other people's feelings or what.  I eventually got help for it, and I'm OK, now.  I was a constant worrier and I had trouble sleeping, too.  I still have trouble sleeping during a full moon, but I think that's more a physical problem.

The other folks who suggested that you see a psychiatrist are right.

A psychiatrist can maybe put you on medication that will help you

stop the cycle of worrying and fear.  I had it a long time before I got

help.  As a teenager I was worried for my mother when she would fly

on a plane.  I was afraid she wouldn't come back.  As a child I was

afraid of being separated from my mother (separation anxiety). Why?

To this day, I can't even begin to know, possibly I was born that way.

Or as you may or may not know, children can pick up on their parent's

fears and anxieties, even if the parent doesn't say anything about it.

You are not crazy.  Also, as another answerer suggested, meditation

will help you relax.  See if you can get some CD's or tapes that teach

you how to stop worrying and how to meditate.  I hope this isn't considered spamming but I have some tapes from Dr. Wayne Dyer

that have helped me tremendously.  But there are all kinds of tapes

and CDs you can get.  Also, I think you feel for your mother.  Maybe

call her or send her a little note or card saying you are thinking of her

and I think that will ease her mind and yours at the same time.  It's

important to keep in touch with your family if you can.

  Hope this helps.

                  

Answer 4

Don't feel this way, it is just the guilt setting in. I did that when I was younger and mom and daddy were getting older. Now I'm the one who is getting older, LOL 52.

I lost daddy at 81 years old, and mom will be 75 this September. I live about 4 hours away, and sometimes feel bad cause I'm so far away. But i have a life too, and we all have to do what we have to do.

You may need to speak to your MD about this so you can sleep and live your life a little less stressed.

Life is to short to worry about things that haven't happened yet. Trust me I know, if I could just go back  before my breast cancer . I worried over my parents and never thought about myself. I do now and I put myself on the list.

Also tell your mom to get out and meet some ladies her own age. Sometimes we just sit around doing nothing way to long at this age with to much time on our hands. And over think everything.

Answer 5

you sound as if you are guilty.  you sound as if you feel responsible for your whole family.  

i think you know that staying awake and worrying about your family is not what is causing them to stay alive.  i think that you know that your worry is doing no good to anyone including yourself.  chronic worry easily becomes a habit.  thoughts repeat themselves and replay endlessly in your mind until you can think of nothing else.  add the worry about your worry and you have circles inside of circles spinning in your brain.

break out of the cycle.  try imagining all your worries packed into a box.  put a day and time on this box that represents when you will next take the box off the shelf and spend some time worrying about them.  if you start worrying before the date on the box remind yourself that you don't need to because you have a time already scheduled.   maybe in the begining the box has to be opened every ten minutes - that is ok as long as you slowly make the time that the box sits unopened longer and longer.

this mental imagery may not work for you.  you may need to come up with your own image.  the point is to give your mind a break from worry.  this will weaken the grooves worn into you mind that carry your thoughts along into the vortex of worry.  

also, call your mom.  tell her you care.  understand that although she may miss the h**l out of you it is not your job to make her life fulfilling.  suggest that she get out the house and make some friends.  p.s.  i am a mom who misses the h**l outta my kids so i know what i am talking about!

Answer 6

I feel the same way sometimes too. Your not alone. We all worry for our family. Try to be super nice to your parents, tell them that you love them. And if you don't feel better see a therapist. That should help.

Answer 7

Just find you interest, pursue your dream , don't worry thing too much, once you get stronger, you will able to handle everything in your life, as long as you keep yourself health, be happy, no worry.

Answer 8

Could your fear be a form of guilt?  You hint at that in your last two paragraphs.  It seems you have some regrets concerning your parents.

When your emotions and concerns become so strong that they disrupt your own health or day or night.....You are right, this isn't normal.

And YES, I would suggest you see a Counselor / Therapist / or a Minister of a church.  Each of these deal with fear and guilt.  

Answer 9

I used to have these fears too, and sometimes I still do, but I've learned to deal with my worrying. That's not to say that everyone can deal with it on their own. I had a good therapist who helped me.  Like you, I felt guilty or scared if I DIDN'T worry, like that was keeping the bad things away. Talking myself out of it like you were describing never worked for me. But I've gotten to the point where I can just cut myself off when I feel myself start to worry. But it took time to get to this point. If you can't see a therapist for some reason, at least get a book or two on dealing with anxiety. There's a cute book for kids - but I think it's good for all ages - called What to Do When You Worry Too Much that compares worrying to a tomato plant - if you feed it, it will grow bigger.

Be kind to yourself. Some of us are prone to anxiety, but there is help.

Answer 10

I feel sort of the same, my dad is 61 and my mom is 60

Answer 11

Hello there,

NOTE: This is my personal opinion; I am not a medical professional. Use my advice at your own discretion.

Let me tell you that I do not think that Yahoo! Answers is the best place to pose this question. But that is just my personal opinion. I would see a doctor.  

Well, it sounds to me like these feelings that you have need to be treated. I would personally suggest talking to someone about these feelings. I am not saying that they are not normal, because I really honestly do not know. How does this sound to you?

I cannot diagnose you since I am not a certified healthcare provider, but a suggestion is to Google Search some symptoms of anxiety (yes, it is a mental condition). Perhaps that will help? See if some of your symptoms match up. Again, I would suggest seeing your doctor. Your doctor can suggest very good therapists, you know.

Another thing you can try is yoga. It helps to relieve any stress and anxiety in your daily life. It really helped me! It gives you a sense of empowerment, and most importantly in your case, inner peace. Something that we all strive for. Just make sure that yoga is a good sport for you...(For example, make sure that you do not have any physical disabilities, recent surgeries, health conditions, etc. that may stop you from performing yoga...)

Another tip is that the next time you feel stressed out, to take a deep breath, hold it for 5 long seconds, and exhale for 5 long seconds. Controling your breathing can help you feel more relaxed.

Anyway, I am sorry I could not help you further. I hope this wins Best Answer. Good luck! I hope this answer helps.