Why do I still have these feelings?

Question

I have been in love with a girl for the past 12 years. I have also been close friends with her husband since then. She's pregnant right now, so I know I shouldn't even be thinking of her like that. Her husband has a ton of mental problems and she takes great care of him. I wish I was treated like that by her. She is so perfect. She had motivated me through everything, from taking myself off alcohol and killing my addiction, to being hurt to almost the point of death while fighting over in Iraq. She is always on my mind. Recently, she lost one of the twins she was pregnant with. Her husband was in a mental asylum and knew nothing of his daughter's death. I supported her when he couldn't. She has helped and supported me even more.

I know it's wrong, but why have my feelings only gotten stronger over the years? My relationship with the husband is suffering. I don't want to lose my best friend of 12 years, even though I'm starting to resent him. I don't want to hear that the right girl is waiting for me out there. Please don't tell me that. Why haven't my feelings for her gone away?

Answer 1

You are latching onto her because she has helped you through so many problems. Resent him because he has what you can't.

Your feeling are getting stronger for her because you look for no one else to have a relationship with.

It's time you separate from her and move on with your life.

He's not your best friend or even a friend. Friends don't think and obsess about their friends wife the way you are. You might think he is but do you stay friends with him so you can be around her?

Question: Don't lie to yourself either. Do you wish he would die, leave her or whatever so you could have her. If so you need to get out of their life and start your own.

None of this is said to be mean, so don't take it that way. Just as I see it is all.

Hopefully you'll find someone someday that you'll feel the same for as you do her. Not if you don't change your surroundings though. You don't have to fully remove yourself from their lives. Just don't be in them as much as you are.  

Answer 2

You have a really hard decision to make. I really don't feel qualified to give you advice. That is something you need to talk over with a professional one to one. You alone can decide what to do. I really couldn't tell you what I would do, I really don't know.

I can't help feeling though by one or two comments that what you're asking is for permission to do what you have already decided to do.

One thing is sure though. You can fall in love with another woman, but you won't have room for two women feeling the way that you do. If she is off limits, then you're just torturing yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I am sure you like her but these feelings that you are having, tell that, you have to get a girl and move on in your life. What you need to do now is support her like a friend and get someone in your life. If you dont understand this then, all you can do is talk to her about this. But since she is so faithful and wants to be with her husband, I guess you should respect her as a person and understand that your feelings are just a manifesation of your needs. Dont confuse yourself with all she has done for you, just help her back and move on, its not like you wont get another girl, is it?

Since she is going through pregnancy, it is better not to upset her by telling her something like this.

Answer 4

Everything happens for a reason.  I'm a firm believer that nothing in our lives is random.  Maybe what happened to her husband was meant to give you an opening to tell how you feel about her.  Obviously, you love her.  Otherwise, you wouldn't have cared for her for so long.  You can't make love go away.  That's why those feeling are still there.  Don't fight it.  Tell her about it.  Maybe she feels the same way about you.

Answer 5

Man thats a tough one, but you know what you got to do.

You have to tell her and see what happens from their.

Maybe she even feels trapped down by her husband and is just waiting on you.

Either way you got to do what you go to do now go out their and do it.