Why do I struggle with responsibility or having to do favours for people?

Question

I am pretty responsible in most areas of my life, I've always taken good care of my pets, done the household chores, admit to my own mistakes, but if someone tells me to be responsible for something, for instance today my mum asked me to look after my grandmother (who is staying with us) this afternoon because they are going out to a book conference thing, I really feel angry about it. Like I don't deserve to be responsible. I realise logically that I should do my parents a favour, but for some reason I really get annoyed when this happens.

Maybe it's more about favours. I don't know, maybe because as a teenager I had quite a soft/kind nature and others would take advantage of this and would get me to do favours for them that I didn't really want to do. I do say no now, but maybe I've gone to the opposite extreme and feel like I deserve to say no to everything, even though it's not fair for the other person.

I don't want smart remarks or insults either, I am asking this to find out where I am going wrong and how I can fix it.

Answer 1

It's probably a temporary phase you're going through.   Try asking for favors for a change.  Maybe a little payback is all you need.

Answer 2

People can take advantage of submissive people when it comes to favours, although this specific circumstance with your parents asking you to look after your grandmother for an afternoon doesn't seem to call for it. The reason you could be feeling angry is because of how it was called for in the past when you were taken advantage of your submissive nature of doing favours for people. I think you know where to draw the line now, and people can only take advantage of you if you let them.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with you.  Your mind is simply reverting back to the times when people did take advantage of you and how badly it hurt you and affected you.  It made you feel horrible and you just don't want to go back to those negative feelings anymore now that you've learned to overcome that obstacle.  Perhaps if you shared this with your Mum she would have understood and even though you still would have had to "look" after your Grandmother, she could have asked in a better way.  But when you do stop and think twice always remember that it is just because you do not want to go back to a bad or negative place because you've accomplished something positive and let the thought go and move on.  It will take time but you will get over it. I used to be a "door mat" and I had to go to therapy to learn how not to be one.  Trust me, I'm not anymore.  I still years later find myself in the exact same position you are in but I quickly reassess the situation, correct my judgment and do the right thing.  Good luck!!!  It'll get better, it just takes time and practice!!!

Peace & Love  :)

Answer 4

Your parents?  You should not have to think twice.