Why do I try to ruin every good relationship in my life?

Question

Why? I am a nice and very loyal person. But why am I always testing and challenging relationships? What am I trying to get out it?

Answer 1

Maybe you feel you don't deserve it.  Maybe you just like to test limits.  Good luck to you in figuring it out.

Answer 2

You're trying to find the "chosen" one.

Answer 3

you are insecure.You wont a person to prove over and over they love you no matter what you do.

Answer 4

Probably because you dont know how a real relationship works and you dont know how to compromise. Perhaps you have an underlying condition or need to always be right and prove your points, making your mate feel inferior to yourself. Maybe you have a need for control? Controlling people like to always challenge and then in the end, continuously insist they are right, no matter the situation. Therefore you exhaust the other person, and they grow tired of it. Perhaps you ought to get some professional help, and let someone disect your mind for a bit, giving you some more insight.

Answer 5

i do the same thing...i am a one woman relationship wrecking machine!!!!!!!

Answer 6

r u a woman? if u are thats the answer.

Answer 7

Your personal insights you stated are a good start!

You'll find a lot of clues in Ekhart Tolle's book, "A New Earth" .It's all about how our ego sabatoges our life.

It will help you --if you can be patient with the book

and with yourself.  Good luck!

Answer 8

Everyone has ups and downs but when you say testing and challenging relationships, you are right to as you have to expect the unexpected in everyone and everything.

Just concentrate on your behaviour each time you speak to someone like if it's with anger, slouchiness, boredom, being testy, etc.

Make notes of what you do right and what you do wrong in two columns everyday and pay attention to what you say to improve it for the next time. I think monitoring yourself will help.

Answer 9

How I wish you'd given us some indication about your s*x, i.e. male or female. That would explain a great deal to begin with. Your age would also be a major contributing factor. For instance, if you're a 19 year old male, you probably haven't "sown all your wild oats" yet. If you're a 45 year old male and you've never been married and your continuing in this pattern, buddy, you've got a serious problem.

The bottom line is, it doesn't sound like you've found "the" one yet.

Answer 10

So you don't get stuck on one and can move on to the next.

Better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.

Answer 11

Do you feel worthy of being loved?  It is possible that you create bad situations in relationships because you are thinking along the lines of... ok if she puts up with this then she must at least love me enough to put up wiht that... ok now after youve caused a bad situation that requires forgiveness and it hasnt changed your view of yourself, now you must believe hey im not worthy of being loved but this person forgave that and loved me.  What is wrong with them?  Next you might say, OK now let me see if they will take this which is a little worse.  Oh they left.  Darn.  (Or possibly they forgave again which made you lose respect for that person again, further damaging the relationship.)  Either way testing love by presenting unneeded obstacles only hurts the relationship and in the end, you.  See these people that you are jacking up the relationship with, they are going on and having happy relationships after you.  You are the one who has to be alone for it.  Realise this and stop now.  

Answer 12

You come from a broken home and are trying to prove that people can't be trusted and they will always hurt you and or abandon you. You don't believe what you see or hear because you think that they are hiding something from you all the time. You feel that it's up to you to bring this deception out of them.

If you want a relationship to work, you have to be confident in yourself and be willing to enjoy this moment with the person knowing that something could go wrong. If you can believe that little things really are what they seem and not a clue to something bigger. People are just people.

You must find someone whom will be honest with you and shares your values and who will be considerate. Otherwise, you could sabotage it by making the wrong selection. Just because two people are 'nice' and loyal doesn't mean they will always get along. Release your past and live in the moment.