Why do adults always think they know better?

Question

Well when i was looking at questions on this site adults are always saying to YOUNG ADULTS that they are to young to be in love with someone or they are to young to know what love is. The only difference with some1 between the ages of 12-20 and them being in love and with people who are 20 and older is that they are just that - older. Young children know what love is - they love there mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters. I no that its a different kind of love when your actually in love with someone, but who are adults to tell younger adults that they are too young and don't no what love is? Young adults are just as capable as everyone else to know and feel what love is. I no that adults have more experience and most probably do know better but that doesn't mean they have the right to say young adults don't no what love is. So the question I'm asking is Why do adults think young people don't no how or what love is and why to they patronize them by saying so.

Answer 1

That depends on the Adult.

Answer 2

They having had the experience of life over the course of several decades understand that we as people grow and change over time. That what was important to us in our youth quickly fades and that this is a life long process. While they comprehend that you understand of what love is (via family and friends) they also know that perhaps that you aren't aware of all of the differences between that type of love versus the intimacy that exist between people (intimately) and how fleeting this can be in reality w/o an understanding of sacrifice. To some degree I also think it's a wistfulness of us remembering our youth, how we now wish we had spent our time (and with whom- in retrospect) and feeling the desire to impart our understandings of life. As well, as the reality that young people want to experience life on their own terms and usually are indignant when someone older (in their opinion) tries to force their views on them (which is usually about the your lack of freedom/independence rather than our views/advice).  In the end I think most adults are just hoping to pass on one main message, take it slow (and cautious), you've got a long life ahead of you to have many experiences.

Answer 3

Part of growing up is going through the phase you are right now - thinking that adults don't really understand where you are coming from.  I've been there and thankfully made it through that phase of my life.

Good luck...and try to remember that your parents are usually right about these things, no matter how much it doesn't seem that way.

Answer 4

Adults generally have more life experience than kids or young adults do.  

Trust me, when you do grow up most people realize what REAL love feels like.  Puppy love, family love and REAL love are so very different.  

Answer 5

they are usually right

Answer 6

well.. being older is not the only difference. the difference is in fact they have lived through more, experienced more, and been wrong more than a younger person. they are knowledgeable enough to know that just because a young person thinks he or she is in love, they are probably not. why? because the adults themselves were once of course young, and probably thought that they themselves were in love at least once when they now know they were not.

also, i do not believe younger adults are as capable of understanding love as older adults, for the belief that love is not some phenomenon that occurs abruptly are out nowhere, but instead is something learned and experienced over time, something that younger people have not had the time to find out nor understand

Answer 7

We have lived and loved...for the majority of us, we are not still in "love" with the ppl we dated when we were 15...we have more life experience.  I don't think it's our intention to be patronizing, we are just saying that you will most likely find true love when you get older, and teenage crushes happen to all of us...you get over it, and it's not as serious as you think it is when you are a child.  

Plus, it illegal to be with someone over 18 when you are a child...(12-17 is not a young adult...it's a child)  

Answer 8

I think that once you get older you'll understand where we're coming from. Life experience will teach you what true love is. But at the same time, even adults think they are in love when really it is something else like lust. But most adults have been though situations that they're able to look back on now and say O wait, that wasn't really love. You'll experience that too. In the meantime, enjoy being young because once you get in to the whole "love" thing things can get complicated.  

Answer 9

The big difference is that the 'young adult' you are talking about is ruled by emotions and hormones versus the more mature and intelligent adult. Of course, some adults who are supposed to be wiser than the younger ones are still capable of making idiotic decisions in regard to their love lives.

Answer 10

they know you know what love is. in theory, practice and theory are the same thing. in practice... they're often not.

When you're older, you're starting a family, you know what is responsible, and you're thinking about your bills and your children etc etc, then that's like adult love. when you throw all of that away, and just do everything for the sake of you and your lover... that's young love. Neither are better or worse, but adults think they know better because, they've most likely had young love before, and got their hearts broken. like me. I would tell a 20 year old couple madly in love with each other that, it may not last... no I wouldn't tell them that, but I would think it. because I was there once.

That's what adults have over you youngins. it's happened to them before.

Answer 11

You're totally misusing the word "patronizing" but don't worry, most everyone is anyways.  But you are even more misusing it than most people do.

Anyways, I think the adults are right.  Yes, the younger can have the legitimate feelings like adults, but when the young don't have a large portion of the reality that goes with those feelings, such as the sense of responsibility, then it is quite fair to say they are clueless on love.

A good example (among many good ones which I have heard):

Recently my Sister's husband tells her that he wants her to leave their house and not come back because he doesn't "love" her anymore.  He's 19.  It turns out later that the only reason he said that to her and wanted her to leave was that she recommended to him that he delay in undertaking a particular pass-time or hobby for financial reasons.

Do you think that guy had any clue of what love was?  When he said "I don't love you anymore"  All he was saying really is "I don't enjoy you anymore"  And that isn't just that one guy.  Open your eyes, look around.  A significant portion of people have no idea what love is.  It only goes as deep in their hearts and minds as the idea that some people are intensely enjoyable to them, and that that feeling of enjoyment can wear off, at which point they think they have lost the "love".  But they never had it.

Sure, this utter blindness is not totally age dependent, yet it tends (from my observation)  to be largely an age (and experience) issue.  This makes sense, since what should activate an actual living heart in someone's chest other than the hurts that come with time and living?

Answer 12

Adults think children don't know what love is based on experience and knowing full-well of the naivety that comes with youth. There will come a time when you'll think back to this day and realize how naive you were.

Answer 13

Because adults have been in "love" as teenagers and in love as adults, and we therefore know there is a difference.  While I have nothing against teenage love (and in fact I think it's incredibly sweet), I now understand that it has as much to do with hormones as anything else.  As an adult you have a different vantage point in choosing a longterm relationship.

Answer 14

coz they want to prove their own parents wrong

Answer 15

i fell in love at 16, and married at 17, had my first child at 19.divorced by 28, looking back, i was in love and did love him, but my choice of partner was way off, so i guess im saying, what you think you want at 16, probably isnt right for you when you are older.and only time can tell you that.

Answer 16

Tell you what, wait until you are 25 and then look back at who you 'loved' at 14...and try not to laugh.

Answer 17

Because more MATURE adults have seen more,done more, and experienced more in life, and have a vast amount of LIVING to draw upon. Young ADULTS can certainly know what love is...but how can you know mature,long-standing love if you don't have that much time on this earth yet?:)

Answer 18

I'm 27 so I am neither a teenager nor over the hill.  I hate patronizing older people that leave comments on Y!A as much as you do.  Of course you know what love is at a young age but being deeply IN love with someone is very very different.  I believe that all the boys I loved growing up were just infatuations.

When you find someone who gives the love as much as they receive, who will be as dedicated to you as you are to them and who has the same respect for you as you have for then, well only then is where you fall in love with somebody relationship wise.  I don't think I had the ability nor the maturity to do all that when I was under 21.

But now I am married, I have found someone who I can commit to and it is a completely different kind of love than I have for my family, my friends and even my children.

You will find that out!

Answer 19

I don't know the context, but from my experience, younger people definitely know what romantic love feels like. However as I got older I realized that romantic, loving feelings is not really what love is about. It's about practicing the golden rule with your sweetie even when they're being a butt and even when you don't feel like it and even when the honeymoon period is over. Maybe this is what they are referring to?  

Answer 20

I agree with you, but being of experience (I'm 30) - it's easier to tell a young one of 12-15 yrs of age that they "don't know what love is" because explaining this would be difficult I think.

It's not that young'ns don't know what love means, because some do.  However, I think sometimes they think they feel they are "in love" but they are really "in lust." I can remember when I was 16 and dating this guy. I still remember feeling that I would die if we didn't get married because I "loved" him so much. What I realize now is that I really didn't love him - I just thought I did. The first time I really fell in love was when I was 19. That feeling I had at 19 was nowhere near what I felt at 16.

See, it's not that I didn't know what love was, it's just that I hadn't experienced it yet. I think that is what adults mean when they say "you dont' know what love is."

This is not to say that you can't fall in love at a young age, it's just usually not that common so if it actually happens, only time can really tell you if it's love or not.

Answer 21

There are many kinds of love, the one you speak of, for your Family: Parent siblings, friends, and then there is the love between the Parents, for each other, that brings children into this world. Experience makes Parents and other grownups  want to share with you that, you need to learn much more, and that shows in you question as well. Love can often can be wrong, as for someone that is much older, as you mention in your question. Adults know better because of experience and from seeing what goes around them and how many failures and abuse develop out of what some call love. Generally they do not want their children to experience failure, so they try to warn them and tell them. If you will listen you will benefit greatly, and avoid the hurt. Be patient and as you grow and learn more, you will also understand better what they are trying to tell you

Answer 22

coz they wanna seem better than kids. my mam always says to me ive got more life experience so i always take the mick

Answer 23

Maybe they do - But also that's what makes them adults, a different generation

Answer 24

first of all, adults are fully developed and therefore their brain mechanisms allow them to fully reason and look at the whole picture given the amount of experiences they've had compared to young people.

second they are able to distinguish what type of "know" or "no" should be used in what type of sentence just as you did in your question.

Lastly, because young people's. I am assuming you speak of teens, minds are not fully developed so naturally until they develop that reason portion of their brain, they really "don't know"  what love is because their bodies and minds are still changing so they see things only through one point of view, whereas adults consider many options.

Adults (in most cases) do know better than young people or teens whatever you what to call them/  

Answer 25

Because they have expierienced whatever it is that you are experiencing now. So they ud=usally know how to deal with a situation or whatever bette than a person who has never experienced that situation before.

Answer 26

Some adults seem to like to patronize us kids. make 'em feel big

but, it's true, under 20, we  haven't seen to much most of the time. there ARE exceptions, i've been acting as a third parental figure for years.

It's annoying though, we have feeling too. and rights!

Answer 27

Honestly...I don't know why they say it.  But in my experience...thinking back to when I was dating in highschool...the love I have now in a relationship is different from what I had back then.  Back then it was childish and it was just puppy love...you can't have a serious deep meaningful relationship when you are young.  God even some of my older friends still have stupid childish relationships and it just ends up in drama.

Answer 28

I know what you're saying and I agree.  I met my husband when I was 15, I knew then it was love, but adults shrugged it off.  We've been together for 17 years, our relationship and marriage has lasted longer than the ones of those people who doubted us (and *gasp* we're still very happy).  Who are they to talk?  

My daughter is 14.  The emotions are so new and strong, and it hurts so bad when something doesn't go right, she thinks it's the end of the world.  I know she'll live through it and find something lasting one day but right now, at her age and even at 12 (oh boy do I remember being 12), it's ALWAYS love.  

Answer 29

With age comes wisdom and experience. Wisdom that us young people can not fully understand until we have experienced life fully.

Answer 30

because they love to think they r better than everyone

Answer 31

they care but not all right is it !!!!!!!!!!!!