Why do battered women stay?

Question

Why do battered women stay?

Answer 1

There where several reports into this. But a more interesting question is: When they finally do leave the abuser why do they continue to seek out abusive relationships?

  Some people are just prone to violence, I am not saying all victims of domestic abuse are a little off balance but a rational person would only stay for so long,leave then become very very careful in future relationships.

     Not continue the cycle over and over again. That might point to the fact that there closet aggressors in some cases.

Answer 2

fear and low self-esteem.

Answer 3

Usually it's out of fear. Fear that they'll be battered again if the attempt is unsuccessful. Fear that they won't be able to make it alone. (esp. with children). I can tell you this, the system is definitely NOT set up to help these women very much at all. These women need a LOT of help. Not just with protection and legal matters, but also with counseling and even little things like safe AND affordable child care, transportation, groceries, housing. The agencies who help with things like these really don't do enough to help. Many times this results in these women going back or never leaving at all until it's too late. I have 2 very, very close friends who have had to deal with all of these problems and while there are many ways to improve the system, no one with any pull seems interested enough to do anything about improving things.

Answer 4

fear, low self esteem and lack of money to escape the situation

Answer 5

They think they can change him. They think "but when he is not being abusive he can be a really great guy." They think they deserve the abuse. They think they can't do any better. They are afraid of the unknown they will encounter if they leave him: "Where will I go? What if I can't support myself and children?"

Answer 6

low self esteem and lack of resources....

most have nowhere else to go, so they stay in the situation because they don't know what else to do.

Some women have been brainwashed into beleiving they deserve nothing better, will not be able to survive without their abuser...have been threatened....very sad.

Answer 7

The moment she opts out, she has only 2 options- either remain single and support herself, or look for another match.

The first option is gruelling and the second one is difficult or sometimes impossible.

Other factors which compounds the situation are lack of  parental and sibling support,lack of self esteem and over dependency in financial matters.

Answer 8

Self Esteem - think about it, how good is a person's self esteem if they allow someone to hurt them?

Fear - the MOST DANGEROUS time for a battered woman is when she decided to leave her abuser.

Financial - some women don't think that they have the necessary monetary means to take care of themselves without their abuser...if they have children this concern could be even more intense because they are often threatened by their abuser ....the abuser may say something like "you know that you can't take care of the kids without me, the courts will just take the kids away from you and give them to me"...etc.

If you're really interested in this topic you should read more about the power and control aspect of an abusive relationship.

I hope this helps you.  Good Luck

Answer 9

Basically because they are afraid to do anything else. Perhaps she has been beaten down in a sadistic relationship. Perhaps she fears for the safety of their children.

Read some of Erin Pizzey's books. She was the founder of women's refuges and she has some tales to tell. She is now also campaigning on behalf of battered men.

Answer 10

Why does someone batter? "Battering happens when one person believes that they are entitled to control another."

Why do victims stay? Battering is often part of a systematic plan of isolation and manipulation of the victim. Some victims are stalked and killed by their partners when they attempt to leave-abusers have also killed their children and their pets.

For example: Recently a NC woman in a small town had a protection order against her ex to protect  herself and her children-she kept calling the police (who were one block from her house) as her ex was threatening her at her home. He started digging across the street from her home. He told her it was her grave. The police just couldn't catch him-in spite of the gravedigging. He came back later and knifed her and murdered their daughter. She drug herself to the police station a block away to report the murder.  

What do victims of abuse experience? "Lack of control of finances, lying, using children to manipulate a parent's emotions, intimidation, isolation from family and friends, fear, shame, criticism, broken bones, forced sexual contact, manipulation, sexist comments, yelling, rages, craziness, harassment, neglect, shoving, screaming, jealousy and possessiveness, loss of self esteem, coercion, abandonment, silent treatment, rape, destruction of personal property, unwanted touching, name calling, strangling, ripping, slapping, biting, kicking, bruises, punching, stalking, scrapes, depression, sabotaging attendance at job or school, brainwashing, violence to pets,  deprivation of physical and economic resources, public humiliation, broken promises, prevention of seeking medical and dental care, ridicule, threats to harm family and friends, threats to take away the children, threats to harm animals,  threats of weapons, threats of being killed."

Some women have grown up in abusive homes-some just end up with a nut case-and they are very difficult to escape from alive.

Answer 11

perhaps they like it rough..

Answer 12

As a fledgling Counselor I can tell you this...It's a never ending cycle of Abuse unless they break with friends, family and social Structures that make it permissible. She will remain trapped. She has to say Enough Is Enough, Pull herself up by the Bootstraps and WALK!

Most of them come from Abusive families themselves, with Abusive Fathers, Brothers and Uncles...(Somebody Please watch the Color Purple) Watched their Mothers, sisters and aunts take it using the excuse they are keeping the marriage together for the sake of the Children.. That's a Lie...She stays because she is More intimidated of going it alone or For Finances and using that as a Crutch. She then goes on to abuse her children Emotionally and Physically and When they Say Enough Is Enough and leave her, she does not understand Why they don't want anything to do with her and her manipulation.

Answer 13

Low self-esteem. They don't think they can do better.

Answer 14

Wide variety of reasons...

>Desire to keep the peace between them and "make it work."

>She blames herself for the abuse, believing she's being punished for her failure as a wife/mother/girlfriend. (She may try to minimize the physical and emotional abuse to appease him, which ties in to the above as well... to keep the peace)

>She wants to believe that he will change.

>Her culture and religion lead her to believe in her husband as the head of the household and family, and so it is her duty to submit to him.

>She's very justifiably afraid that he will try to kill her if she leaves, threatens, or even _suggests_ leaving. Abusers are possessive people, and see their partner's leaving as a betrayal that must be punished.

Answer 15

Because they are made to feel as though no one else will want them, no one else will believe them if they tell - any fear tactic that can be used is, especially if she's beaten. I'm sure her life is threatened too if she ever leaves, which scares her into staying.

Answer 16

for several reasons, love! sake of the kids! what will people say! couldn't cope alone! he said he'd take my kids! he'll come after me! all these amount to being scared s**+-l-ss (fear is a terrible thing) lack of confidence and low self esteem which has been drained out over a number of years, but one day things take a urn for the worse and the 'worm turns', then the sh-t hits the fan, the worm turns into an anaconda and she becomes a different person and so do her children. until that day comes all you can do is offer her support she must do this off her own back, and she will. hope I've been of help. lol

Answer 17

A battered woman told me that it's because "nice guys are boring".  Absolutely true story!

Answer 18

I'd say it also has to do w/ Stockholm Syndrome.

Answer 19

because they are too battered to move.

Answer 20

Sometimes, they feel like if they leave, something worse will happen. They feel like they have no place else to go. These women are not only physically abused but mentally abused as well. They are constantly told that they aren't good enough and that no one else will ever love them, that there's something wrong with them.

I've heard the "but he really loves me" speech way too many times. "He hits me sure, but afterward he's so sweet." I don't really get why they have to go through all the beatings just for 2 hours of "sweetness." I guess it's kind of like Stockholm Syndrome, if you feel like there's no way out, you might as well make due with what you have.

Answer 21

Fear, low self esteem, financial reasons but mainly fear.