Why do children get abused by adoptive parents?

Question

Does anyone have a good story about being adopted?

Answer 1

why do children get abused at all?  there are some abusive adoptive parents, no doubt about it but i really wish one of the social workers here would provide some real stats -- how many kids in foster care were adopted as infants vs. bios in foster care.  I'm willing to bet a good portion of the kids in foster care are there because of their bios. . . .

and yes, people have good stories about adoption . . .we're just quashed because the anti-adoption faction swoops in and makes disparaging amounts.  they say they had great aparents and family but for some reason, they're incomplete and feel a need to not let good adoption stories balance their anger.

i certainly hope this isn't your only resource for adoption questions . . .

Answer 2

Why do children get abused by biological parents? Some people just shouldn't have been parents, regardless of how they got there.

Adoption can be great, or it can be bad. All depends on the individual. I do know one couple that gave their baby away because they were only 15 and 16. Later they married, had two more kids, and she was a very neglectful mother. They divorced and introduced abusive stepparents into their kids lives. I know that if the girl they gave away ever tracks them down, she will thank her lucky stars that they gave her away.

Answer 3

It's funny, really, how many PPL want to deny or just totally SIDE STEP your question, rather than try to answer why adoptive parents would abuse a child they apparently wanted badly enough to go through the hoops of adopting.  

I would think that AP's would be horrified to hear about other AP's who abuse their kids.  Instead, their only response is "biological parents abuse their kids, too."  Is that suppose to be a defense for abusive parents?  

And to those adoptees who've had happy lives; Why do you feel the need to deny the experience of other adoptees simply because it was not YOUR experience?  As if saying, "I had a happy life. My parents didn't abuse me", dismisses or nullifies the experience of adoptees who were abused by their parents?  Hey, I'm happy for you! Truly I am!  

It would make more sense to hear you say, "Wow. I don't get it! My parents were great. I can't imagine a parent abusing their child."

However, your happy experience doesn't change the fact that mine wasn't.  I was "disciplined" while growing up with a belt or a board (whatever was handy), left with welts & bruises; called to the office in Jr. High by police detectives b/c someone had called to report my a.parents' abuse.  Of course, when asked if my parents hit me, I lied, as most kids do (adopted or not), for fear of getting into more trouble.  I was told very mean things I won't even bother writing here by the a.mom who resented me & delivered the bulk of physical & emotional abuse I lived with.  My parents were functioning alcoholics, who fought & yelled (my home was often like a war zone).  Oh yes...and I was unceremoniously "unadopted" by her 2 days after my father died...via voice mail.  Why would she agree to my adoption?  Why would they bother going to the expense of getting a private attorney?  

YES, there are many happy stories about successful adoptions.  Good adoptive parents. Happy adoptees.  Many of the adoptees advocating for reform had happy family lives.  

But even these happy adoptees are regularily accused of having had an unhappy experience for pointing out any cracks in the carefully crafted image of glorified adoption.  

Ideally, "happy" is as it SHOULD be in adoption.  No child deserves to be abused!  And certainly, we'd all like to believe that people going to the trouble and expense of adopting a child would NEVER even consider hurting that child.  It's one of the myth's perpetuated about adoption that is so frustrating.  That adoptees are guaranteed a "better life" by the mere fact of being adopted.  

When, in fact, adoptees are probably only slight less likely to end up in an abusive home, or a home where parents divorce (one of the reasons given for relinquishing - to give the child a home with 2 parents), or experience financial difficulties at some point, or become "problem drinkers"...whatev.

What a HUGE disappointment. This is one topic that I would hope we could ALL agree on.  That NO child deserves to be abused, adopted or not. That IF it is happening in adoption, something is broken in the system and needs to be fixed. And something we would ALL, hopefully, be more than willing to advocate for!  

**Sigh***  But some of you would rather put your heads in the sand and pretend it doesn't happen. Or, because it didn't happen to ME, it doesn't matter.  Or, because biological parents do it too, really, it's a non-issue.  SAD.  VERY SAD.

Answer 4

Why do biological children get abused either?  I am adopted, I was never abused by my parents, and I have 2 adopted children, and I don't abuse them either. I have a great story-  my adoptive parents chose me, and raised me very well, and loved me- and I love my children as well- just because you are adopted that does not mean you will have an abusive life, any more than if you were biological your life is perfect- my hubby was raised by his biological parents- and was emotionally abused.

Answer 5

There are many good stories on here about being adopted.  Even those wanting reform are generally still happy with their adoptive parents.

Children can be abused from both adoptive and biological families.

Answer 6

seriously i dont get it either

i was adopted n they treated me like shet when i got adopted i was 1 yr old my adoptive mother which i will call lala used to pull my hair my adoptive dad which i will call baba used to burn off ciggs on my skin i can't feel the pain any more but it sucks to nat have no parents once i turned 18 i left it was so sad

lala once tried to kill me she only adopted me to do chores to clean clean clean so now a cold hearted bit       ch is wut she made now i have no smphothy over no one n i hold grudges like no other person here n even though i no i have feeilings i cant let them out i try so hard but i just cant

Answer 7

Not all adopted children get abused by adoptive parents.      

    Why would you think that, unless you were, if that is the case, sorry to hear that.  We have an AD, an 2 bio-children, I can't ever think of a time that I would want to abuse any of my children.

   The better question would be, why would ANY parent abuse a child, not just "label" adoptive parents as abusers.

Answer 8

The same reason biological kids get abused by their biological parents. The parents in question Natural or adoptive are bad people and  should not have been parents period. Yes you could say I have a good adoption story I was loved unconditional always knew this, i was not treated diffrent then my brothers who are biokids.  I never felt that I did not fit in with my family. Knew I was adopted from a very  young age and it was just apart of who I was not a negative or a positive just apart of who I was/am. In fact my parents sort of fought to adopt me because they wanted me so much. No they didn’t fight my geneticdonors. I’m bi-racial and down in the south where I was born they often One drop people with African heritage, since my family is white some would have preferred I be adopted by a black family. I never and still don’t get it I mean my god my  birthmother was white.

Answer 9

I guess it's because adoptive parents are human too, and with that said some are good and some are bad.

Answer 10

I think you need to do a little more research before you make a statement like this. If you "flip it", there are more than likely FAR MORE adoptive children that were neglected or abused by their birth parents, hence, why they ended up in foster care, and were adopted.  Also, the media is very successful in highlighting all of our horrible stories. For once, I would love to view an entire news broadcast of positive, happy stories...........

Answer 11

Because in many cases, the adoptee is not the "perfect" child that the adoptive parents would have had. The adoptive parents never got over their issues of infertility and cannot accept the adoptee.

Answer 12

My daughter and son was adopted several years ago by a family that could not have children.We just recently found her on my space and have been talking with her and the woman that has her is very mentally abusive, we found out the only reaason they took her is because they wanted her brother and they told her that among many other things. And i am so heart sick i have been since the day she was gone. we are doing all that we can to get her backIt seems the red tape never ends.My story is a very long and and very in depth one that is why im trying to keep it short and very painfull. But the reason they are mean to her is they just wanted a son,they never wanted a daughter.

Answer 13

It makes me sick that any child adopted or not is abused. But why on Earth are you people on this Q & A constantly bashing adoptive parents? Hundreds of thousands of families have " good stories" about adoption.

Answer 14

maybe they have an attachment disorder like that of a child in a similar situation.

Answer 15

My adopted brother and I were abused much like Robin.  My amother used to beat us with our own toys, too.  Most notably my brother's Hot Wheel tracks.  I don't think my afather knew most of this happened.  She got off on shaming us, too.

And she wasn't even an alcoholic.  My theory is that she didn't want what she thought she wanted.  She WANTED her own kids, she was obviously disappointed but the adopted kids she got stuck with.

She never laid a finger on her two younger bio kids.  Go figure.

Answer 16

My parents helped many children in foster care, sadly some of them were seriously disturbed. However my parents kept even the hard ones most kids don't have anyone who will allow them to push and still be their. Alot of people do foster care for the money involved and never use any of it on the kids I have seen alot but yes I've witnessed many good results too!

Answer 17

u shud reword it not all adopted childern get abused and alot of non adopted children get abused i have a 10 yr old brother who my mum and step dad adopted him at the age of 2 and a half, he is definately not abused, he has a gd life with us, he has 3 sisters a mum dad a extended family and still gets letters from his biological mum, he loves having a family because if it wasnt for us he wud probably still be in care because he was half asian half white no 1 wud adopt him as asian familes rarely adopt and if they did he would have to be pure asian and a white couple wud not be allowed to adopt him, we adopted him because our mum is white like his mum and step dad is afro carribbean.