Why do divorces happen, I cant really justify it in my mind?

Question

Im not saying my relationship is perfect because its not. Ive been married 20 years and certainly have endured my share of hardship. But heres why I ask. After spending 23 years with my wife, 20 married 3 dating, I really cant picture my life without her. Id say that 23 years has put us in a place were we are so comfortable around each other that just ending a relationship doesnt make sense. Can anyone see what im saying. Yea the sparks do settle down after a while but they do I feel like your left with a relationship that is almost like that between a best friend or a close family member, no you dont always get along but youd never remove that person from your life. I guess that just what I dont see, how after years of being around someone everyday for your life can people just remove people and move on?

Answer 1

Well for starters, it takes 2.  Now days, people are selfish to the extreme and expect the wife or husband to make the marriage work.  Mine failed due to infidelity, MORE THAN a few times.  So I had to end it.  How can I continue building on a unstable foundation.  Trust is the platform to build on.  If that's NOT there, then you are wasting you time.  I wish my husband was as dedicated as you are to your "marriage", instead it was all about him and his, and what he needed for self.  In time God will bless me with what my heart desire, to love him for the rest of our lives, not be hurt, used and abused just for the sake of being called a wife.

Answer 2

I don't understand it either but sometimes theres fighting,cheating or all kinds of things behind closed doors that no one knows but the people divorced!  

Answer 3

Hate to break it to ya very few people divorce for the reasons you listed. I have not personally known a single person who just tossed out their marriage over such petty stuff. I know my mom divorced because my father beat her he locked her and her 2 children in the house and had a stand off with police..i mean they just gave up! maybe no matter what she should have kept on bringing us up around that.

Answer 4

because they dont like to work on their marriage . they never have and never will . congrats on your 23 years together .  

Answer 5

In the IDEAL world it would be this way for everyone. I'm very glad your relationship is so stable. I had a eight year relationship with my daughters father. Yes the sparks faded love dose change over time. I did not leave him for any single reason you listed. He became a drug addict started cheating lied about money kept secret bank accounts. BTW i was not married to him but, it was a long relationship with a child involved. I am happily married now I hold my marriage very high.

Answer 6

Those people don't TRY. They have been taught to give up. I'm happy for you and your 23 years together!! Congrats.

Answer 7

i think if more people shared your opinion, there would be far fewer divorces in the world.  sometimes you gotta shift your priorities and put the other person first and your life partner should be your life partner no matter what.

sounds like you have a great marriage, and chose the right person.  

the grass is not greener.  i see all the time with people my age or younger or older that got divorced, not one of them is happier than before they got the divorce, and 9 times out of 10 they realized their mistake and tried to get their wife (or husband) back.  sometimes they do get back together, sometimes not.  

Answer 8

My ex and I divorced as a result of two major problems in our marriage.  It was only after 2 years of failed marriage counseling that we did so.  

Issue #1 - My ex had a major issue with spending.  He opened credit card accounts and loans without discussing it with me, spent bill money on hobbies and the list goes on.  Despite several discussions and much budgeting together, this behavior continued until we were eventually driven into bankruptcy.  We lost our home, a car and were left with zero credit worthiness.  After the bankruptcy we started having more marital problems as a result and entered counseling.  His spending habits didn't change a bit after the bankruptcy and with counseling.  In the two years of counseling, my power was disconnected three times and the gas was disconnected four times.  Since the divorce 7 years ago, I have re-established my credit, purchased two homes and am comfortably living beneath my means.  We have two children and, sorry, but they deserve a home and electricity.  It wasn't always happening when we were together.  Since the divorce, he has filed chapter 13 bankruptcy... again and still has no credit worthiness.  Sad, but true.  I simply couldn't continue to worry and wonder how I was going to feed my children.  There wasn't any reason to have to.  We earned plenty of money to meet our basic needs.

Issue #2 - He was incredibly jealous and possessive.  I literally became an antisocial hermit just to avoid his accusations.  Among tons of other things, he even accused my parents of helping me to cheat.  According to him, I visited them after our children were in bed to use their telephone to call other men.  This was at the 1.5 year mark in our counseling.

Not everyone is fortunate to have selected a mate that they are compatable with in the long term.  I'm happy for you that you were able to find this, and definitely wish that I had.  But, there are just some things that cannot be overcome even with great effort.

Answer 9

I hear you.  I've been married for 22 years, and I can only imagine that if my wife was suddenly gone, I would feel like a part of myself had been removed.  From my perspective, divorce is inconceivable.  In my heart, I fully believe that we're going to be married until one of us dies.

Answer 10

So what would you do if you found out that your spouse was sexually abusing your kids (you and your spouses)  and had been doing so for a few years?  

Can you justify that or would conselling after your spouse came out of jail help you stay together?

Now come down from the clouds and join the real world.

Answer 11

Its not that easy and it takes a few years of living with heartache I'm sure.  I am not married never been, but I have people very close to me that have gone through affairs and divorced.  I have heard the lack of communication will break a marriage up every time.  Sounds like marriage works for you so congratulations, but in the defense of many many people out there its a rare thing these days to find someone for a lifetime.  I think we settle for less passion which is scary because I couldn't imagine my s*x life without being very active.  I couldn't imagine being with a spouse and having them tell me day after day week after week month after month "no".  That would drive me to an affair.  I'm sure you get very attached but if its not right its just not right, and when it is it is and yours is.  Others may not be.