Why do good parents become incompetent during divorce?

Question

I'm just curious and would like input from others as to why, when some couples divorce, all of a sudden one or both people deem the other an incompetent parent? I know there are exceptional cases that involve abuse or drug/alcohol addiction. I'm wondering about situations where each parent thought the other to be acceptable, but then demonize one another as parents when it comes time to divorce. I'm not going through this myself, as my divorce was years ago and we work together as parents. It's just something I've wondered as I read some questions posted in this forum. Any insight will be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

its because each party will do whatever they can do to make the other look bad in court..even use the children as pawns...

i worked with my ex also (we are very good friends) and my daughters grew up happy and had both parents involved in their lives..

Answer 2

Parenting is not just an adult-to-child relationship. It is a family relationship.

A poor parent doesn't just have a bad influence on a child, but on the spouse, on other relatives, and ultimately society.

So a poor parent CAN be a benevolent disciplinarian, compassionate, nurturing, and totally devoted to the children (although this is the exception)....and still be a poor parent.

The first most important duty as a mother or father is this: PERSERVE THE MARRIAGE!!!

The marriage is the structure of the family...and with no marriage, no family, no need for parents.

This is why you have folks taking swipes at each other while trying to raise the kids during a divorce. They feel betrayed. And they should, because someone has betrayed the marriage...maybe even both.

I think its a shame that we don't denigrate and humiliate people who get married and then get no-fault divorces. Maybe people would be willing to tough it out more often.  

Answer 3

too many emotions involved so rational goes out the window  

Answer 4

I think most of the time these women married LOSERS!

And these same women KNEW darn well their husbands were crappy parent material and now wonder why (and I know it is most women bagging on men) their now ex husband cannot just become Dad of the Year overnight.

Stupid women have babies with stupid men.  

Answer 5

Priorities become mixed up. They pay more attention to themselves during that time than they should on their children. It's natural for people to do that.  

Answer 6

Because of the wickedry of women.

Answer 7

Because divorce is so draining and so hard.  It is hard to manage everything all at once.  Its not that you are trying to be a bad parent, it just really hurts so bad that you have trouble dealing with any aspect of your life.  I find that to be true no matter what the reason for divorce. I divorced due to being abused but was still so emotionally drained it was hard to be a good mom and a good person in general.