Why do i act so weird? do i have a mental disorder or is this fine?

Question

i used to be depressed i grew up feeling alone (still do sometimes) i had no friends and still don't and i had a low self esteem (still kinda do) i could never handle my emotions and thoughts and never talked about it and felt so sad and alone that i used to cut myself which made me feel better. i also became obsessed with how i looked i became bulimic when 16 but not no more and i was always suicidal ive been wanting to die since i was 9

i was always good at hiding this from my mom but she found out when i was 16 and saw the razor cuts on my arms and my dad found out my senior year in HS when i went to hospital for taking pills

now I'm 19 i feel better but...this is how i feel now

1. i still have fantasies of dying and love how fresh cuts look on me when my dog scratches me

2. my sleeping is weird i stay up for 24 hrs one day next day i only sleep 5-6 hrs or i sleep all day one time slept 22 hrs straight (ive been like this all my life)

3.I'm happy and social and active but then next day I'm rude, mean, yelling getting mad for no reason and impatient, and suspicious of others (even people I'm close to like my sister) and like to be alone

4. I'm self confident but then next day I'm beating myself up on how stupid, fat, and ugly i am

5. i still cant deal with emotions that i just walk away, hide or unresponsive when i see I'm going to get into a arguement about my behavior or asked about my emotional problems

do u think my mother is to blame? when i was 9 she would get frustrated that i wouldnt understand my math hw she once took a pencil and banged it on my head everytime i got the answer wrong lol i still hate math and now i never ask for help for anything and she never listens when i tried talking to her she interrupts me all the time but yet she complains i never talk to her

what do you think i have? mentally speaking? or am i fine?

Answer 1

your mother could b partly responsible fr it. try meeting a psychologist-it'll help you a lot. take care n all the best

Answer 2

You absolutely  fine! just get check ur B.P.,eat low fat and low salt,do exersize, keep good friends and read BHAGWAT GEETA.

Answer 3

I totally understand how you feel. Since I was young, like 5 years old, I have been the same. When I was about 8 years old, I wrapped a belt around my neck and told my mom I was going to strangle myself. It is extremely hard for me to control my emotions and thoughts about death/suicide sometimes too. Usually it's because something has happened, but sometimes it's for no reason at all. I recently got a prescription for Zoloft and took it for 2 months. I felt so much better but about 2 weeks after I ran out, I started noticing the same feelings again. I would definitely suggest seeing a counselor and trying to get on an anti-depressant or some kind of anxiety medication. If you ever would like to talk, my aim is sk8rbabi07. I know talking can definitely help, and it's much easier to talk to a stranger I think because you don't have to worry about how they are going to perceive you as much as you might with someone you are close to. I hope this helps and good luck with getting everything figured out.

Answer 4

got banged with a pencil that sucks lol but i dont think its that. might be that it caused u to fear ur mom in some way but blah. insomnia is from depression n stress. sleeping too much is also from depression and stress.the cuts are weird and also the irritability. go tlak to a doctor and tell him how your feeling. i wouldnt trust anyone to tell me whats wrong with me over a computer :)

Answer 5

Its difficult laying blame, if you have an illness there is something wrong in your body and noone is responsible for that really. It definitely sounds like you have depression and you really should see a counsellor or psychologist. It can help a lot. You're only 19, there's still a whole lot of life ahead, so why not do what you can to recover now so you can enjoy the rest of your life

Answer 6

Personally, I think you are suffering from depression.  It is a chemical imbalance in your brain, and the only way to "fix" this problem is wirh antidepressants.

I am on antidepressants and completely different.  My self esteem is better.  My emotions are better.

Sleep patterns are not where I want them yet, because I take my Prozac at night, which is a no no.  It does cause.  insomnia but I am supposed to take it in the morning.

Go see a psychiatrist and let him put you on an antidepressant.  You will be a new person when it gets into your system