Why do i feel so shy it makes me feel ill?

Question

i have had this for about a year now. in general, i can be a confident person if i am around friends, family, boyfriend etc. but in some classes at school, i sit at the front, and i feel so paranoid that everyone behind me is watching me, and i start to feel ill with worry and i shake, because i am terrified that i will be made to speak.

but i just don't get it. the people in my class aren't all bad!

also, i have two friends who have left me out all year, and one of them is not helping my shyness as she will actually mock me in front of everybody e.g "she's so boring, she doesn't know how to have fun" and i believe this has triggered my lack of self-confidence.

it will be my last year at school in September, i just need a few tips on how to banish this stupid feeling because i am dreading going back!

thank you x*x :)

Answer 1

You seem to have a good handle on the fact that you really have no reason to feel the way that you do.  This is actually quite a common problem and not that easy to fix.  The short answer is "it gets better as you get older"....but that only applies if you continue to put yourself into social situations.

A good way to help is to be consciously assertive.  Before class one day think of a poingnant, relevant question that you can ask your instructor during class.  Rehearse if you have to.  Do this same drill a few times or in a few different classes.  You will have the confidence to know that you don't have to "think on your feet" because you already thought up and practiced the question.  Over time, it will feel more comfortable.

Also, the feeling of people looking at you from behind...that one doesn't go away.  I have absolutely no problem speaking or being seen, but it always makes me antsy and paranoid if there are people seated behind me.

Good luck!  

Answer 2

Why do you sit in the front of the class?

I would think that would help somewhat, to be behind everyone.

If you don't have a choice, realize that most kids are thinking about themselves and how they look to others.  

When I was in school, I don't remember focusing much on anyone else except myself (or boys!).  It kind of goes with the age to be worried about what others are thinking about you.

When it comes to being called on, make sure you know the materiall well, and concentrate on what the teacher is saying.  That will also keep you from worrying about what anybody else might be thinking.

As for your other "friends", I don't know, but I'm thinking you wouldn't want to have the "fun" she is talking about.  

Maybe if you can concentrate on what you might want to do with your life, and see your last year as working toward that, you can stop focusing on what others might be thinking, or "friends" who seem to be the ones who are insecure and have problems, since they are so concerned with you.  I mean, you must be doing something right, to cause them animosity toward you.  Do you get good grades?  You must have something good going for you.

I would move on, and try to make friends with someone who has the same goals as you do.  

But, try not to (not sure how to put this) transfer how your two "friends" are behaving, onto everyone else, thinking they are the same.  They're not.

God bless!  :)

Answer 3

First of all find new friends, you should find friends that you are not shy around.  Second of all there is nothing wrong with being shy, lots of people are shy I am 28 and still shy around people.  It often happens to people who are picked on, or weren't socialized enough as a child.  Being shy often gives an innocent look and you don't want to go to school making a statement by dying your hair green or anything so just gradually work your way out of being shy for example find a hobby that you like and join a club at school.  Joining a club where you have a say in what happens to helps.  Don't be afraid to raise your hand if a teachers asks you a question in class and you know the answer that helps you establish a good relationship with your teacher so that you have at least one true friend in the class.  Finally don't do anything your not comfortable doing for example, being shy isn't necessarily a bad thing and you will grow out of it eventually.  

Answer 4

This dreaded feeling is a very common condition called anxiety disorder basically you are just worrying and thinking about things too much. Generally all teens go through a period of these symptoms for about 6 months. It's part of growing up. .....google anxiety disorder and you will find all of your symptoms listed. It's one of the most common conditions among people in the US. Go and tell your doctor and he will put you on anti-depressants which are non-addictive. even though you may not be depressed, they will give you a feeling of well-being and you wont be worrying and thinking about such negative thoughts all the time. It's what they are prescribed for. You may have social anxiety disorder. It just means that your brain has a chemical imbalance that will be regulated on the medicine. I know how you feel...thinking negative thoughts all the time...putting your self/thoughts in the worst situations. Go to your doctor and tell him. He will understand completely as it is very common...I would be hesitant about explaining it to an adult or Friend as it seems people who don't experience these type symptoms will not understand you and just say " Oh your just being shy ".....shyness is nervousness...that's why we are shy because we are nervous people....NERVOUSNESS=ANXIOUSNESS=ANXIET... Get treatment or it will soon turn to depression.

Answer 5

I am in a very similar situation myself! I am nervous all the time, with everything, but particularly when I have to shout to someone. I am always worried they will ignore me and I'll look stupid. I avoid using people's names in case I get them wrong! At work I have been told several times to call someone over if I need them, but I get very panicky about it because I'll either be too quiet or so loud people stare at me. Often when I get nervous I lose my voice completely, which really doesn't help!

Your friends are probably just messing around, but once again I know how you feel - I am in a group of very loud people who say I'm too quiet! Just try - I know it's hard - to be yourself and you'll be more confident. Say whatever comes to mind, as long as it's not offensive, and at some point you'll say something right! What I find works is not trying - I'm funny when I'm not trying to be :) Being funny helps your confidence because you laugh with people and it makes you shine!

Just think, what's the worst that can happen? Someone will laugh. Okay. Then what? If you don't speak, the worst than can happen is you lose all confidence in doing anything, and that's a lot worse!

I would help more but I'm kind of losing the gist of things here, you might be able to tell...basically, be yourself and be happy with yourself, and the rest will follow :)

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. It used to happen to me. She doesn't sound like much of a friend..maybe you should try ignoring her or even telling her how you feel? The feeling that everyone is watching you is a paranoia. To get over it may some time. Just remember people aren't actually aren't looking at you, they might be thinking the same thing and they probably have a lot on their mind. As for being scared of being asked to speak I used to be the same and I would do anything to not do it. When your actually speaking it isn't as bad as you make it out to be, your just getting your self all hyped up over a small thing that lots of people don't want to do.. I know it easier said than done though.  Have you spoken to friends or anyone about this? Maybe see a councilor or speak to parents/trusted friends? Good luck:)

Answer 7

i used to be the same, you've just got to say to yourself, "f**k it",  

Answer 8

the two so called friends are not friends, just bullies, my advice to  you is to take up judo or something similar, your confidence will go through the roof, your so called friend will never mock you again, and you never know we could be watching you in the 2012 olympics, good luck.

Answer 9

Just relax and try to get involved with the subject is being discussed instead of who is looking at you.

Answer 10

hi i know exactly how you feel...in my opinion makes some knew friends...talk abit more in class, and get a few hobbies as this will make you more confident.

take the seat at the back of the class sometimes and associate with your classmates...i know how hard it will be but you need to know that everyone has a first time..

Answer 11

It is very difficult once you've had your confidence shaken.  Going to a therapist and perhaps doing some hypnotherapy or something similar would be a great help.  If your parents aren't willing or it's too expensive, think about helping yourself.  First of all, who was really at fault here.  Would a mature, kind person do the things that your friends did?  Are they shallow, mean, vindictive?  Did you do anything to cause them to be angry?  Once you've mentally worked it out, then work on your faults while realizing that none of us can be perfect.  Get the support of your family and boyfriend and mentally build yourself up.  Concentrate on your good points and maybe find some new friends at school.  Join a new organization if you can.  If your anxiety gets worse though, I would definitely recommend seeing a professional.  You don't want it to progress to panic attacks. Good luck,dear.