Why do kids feel so independent? i have a 4 yr old that wants to do everything by herself, and then screws up?

Question

like if i say let me feed u this McFlurry because it's melted and i don't want u 2 get it on your new outfit, she screams and hollers, and ends up s******g up her outfit

Answer 1

Okay... let's do a test...

Go up to your parents (it doesn't matter how old they are) and tell them that you can't do anything for yourself, including bathe yourself, feed yourself, etc.

Not fun, is it? Kids are like you - they don't want to be babied. They think they can look after themselves, which they usually can't, but you have to let them try, otherwise they're never going to learn.

Answer 2

becuz they feel babied, and its embarrassing. been there done that. when i was three, we went hiking. My dady offered to carry me, but i walked all by myself. And i was fine. Don't doubt your children, let them try things out for themselves, otherwise they won't learn. If you let her practice these things and show her how to do it right, that would be good. But if everytime she tries something and she does it wrong, she'll start losing hope and be dependent on you. You have to mess up before you learn.

Answer 3

The same thing happens with my nephew.

i guess since they see there parents doing it they probably want to do it to.

this is actually helpful for the children because they learn how to do things themselves.

Answer 4

Thats an awful attitude you have. Children learn by trying things out and making mistakes. How about not buying her a McFlurry when she's wearing a new outfit? That sounds like you screwed up on that one. Or bring a towel to put over her so she doesn't drip on herself. Or maybe if you know you're going to go out and get her a treat that might be messy, dress her in her play clothes. I don't think your daughter's developmentally normal desire to be independent is the problem here.

Answer 5

they want to try and do it themself..thats how they learn to be an independent person. i always used to tell my niece that if she needs help to ask. but its good for them to do things on their own and to figure things out for themself.

Answer 6

i think the best way of learning is to make mistakes

Answer 7

thats just how kids are, i never really understood it myself, but they like to feel like they are accomplishing something....plus, i think its a good thing in a way, they start being able to do things on their own quicker which means they have to rely on you less and less and frees up a lot of time!!!

Answer 8

That is part of getting older, i try to hold my 2 and  half nephews hand and he pulls away and says no lisa i a big boy they have to experience it, unless like i am in a very busy place and i don't want him to get lost. If you are getting ice cream i suggest putting your daughter in a play outfit that you don't car if it gets ruined. Giving ice cream to her and her ruining her outfit is more her fault than your fault then hers. That is like allowing a child to play outside in an easter dress

Answer 9

That is how kids learn to be independent. Do you want her to be 10 years-old and still spoon feeding her? My son was feeding himself with a toddler spoon and fork a little bit at just over a year-old. So they make a mess. That's what kids do.

Answer 10

It's how they learn to do it right.

Answer 11

I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old and I'm pregnant my 4 year old always hated breast milk so we gave her goat milk , now she drinks regular 2% and she wants to do it herself every time I tell her your going to spill and when you do you get to wash it herself  and she's so sure of herself so I try to help her she throws a fit so I just stand behind her and pretty much every time she spills it and then cries I'll tell her  i told you so and she whines and runs away and I end up picking it up.

Answer 12

Outfits can be washed let her have a go it develops self confidence.

Answer 13

That's pretty much what kids are supposed to do: try to be more independent and learn more about the world around them.

Getting ice cream on her clothes means you wash the clothes.  Not a huge deal.  Maybe instead of you wanting to feed her, set her up with napkins and let her do it herself.

Point is, kids her age are SUPPOSED to be wanting to do these things by themselves.  If it's not dangerous, you're supposed to let her (with some support, like napkins).

Save getting upset for the big things.  Ice cream is a little thing.

Answer 14

well since she is sill a toddler she is very curious. and again she is at her ast age of toddler years. so when she wants to do something let her do so, but then after she "screws it up" over and oer again you can maybe try to make her find a way to watch you do it th right way. and with the mcflurry or another drinks jus give her a sippy cup or somehting

Answer 15

4 year olds want to do as much by themselves as possible because they are learning so much so fast.  They want to be in control of things that they can control.  If it isn't a big deal, then let her try.  A little food on her shirt really isn't a big deal in the whole scheme of things.  Pick your battles.  I have learned that I don't have enogh energy to argue with my little one about everything she wants to argue with me about.  I usually let her try most things by herself and then I am there to help if she gets frustrated.  There are some things I insist on though, and if she throws a fit, she deals with the consequences, but I don't give in.  It has cut down on the arguing some

Answer 16

Because they instinctively know that they need to learn how to do things by themselves.  It can be slow and annoying, but ultimately if you let them try it will end up making your life easier as well as making them more competent and confident.  (And no way would any self-respecting 4-year-old allow anyone to feed them!)

Answer 17

Because that is how kids are...and that is how it should be.  It is through doing it on their own that they learn how to do it.....and by messing up on their own they learn how NOT to do it.