Why do many people think that TRUE friendship is all about materialism?

Question

In your own words/opinion, how do YOU actually define a "true" friendship?

My former foster family members would always tell me that this person & that person isn't a true friend towards me because they don't feed me, put clothes on my back, give me a bed to sleep on, etc. & they don't give me material gifts, like a DVD or take me out to the movies, or give me $$. & they would tell me that I'm "stupid" for being friends with a person who doesn't do anything for me.

& when we used to have our disagreements, they would always throw in my face what they did for me or what they gave me. EX: (This never happened, but this is an example scenario) "Yeah, I was the 1 who paid for your high school class ring! I was the 1 who came & rescued you when you got jumped by a gang! & I was the only 1 who came & visited your crazy @$$ when you were sittin' up there in that HOSPITAL! You think your "friend" would've done that for you, huh?" It's sort of like, with their fake morality, they believe that a true friend is a person who "takes care of all your needs".

***So, which is a better relationship? A person who so-claims to take care of you by giving you things, & ridicules & humiliates you, beats you up & abuse you in EVERY way, uses manipulation & control to get whatever they want, & brainwashes you into thinking they should be the #1 favorite person to look up to? Or a person who's just an open ear, gives good feedback & advice, is judgemental, & who don't give you any gifts or "take care of you". Maybe they might give you a b-day present or something.

Answer 1

A friend is someone who cares about me the same way I care about them.

If someone is important to me, and I'm important to him/her, then this person can be considered a friend.

If I'm not important to them, or they don't even care about me the same exact way I care about them, then they ARE DEFINITELY NOT MY FRIEND.

Answer 2

Your former foster family sounds really messed up.  It's good that they were there for you (in some ways) , but they shouldn't have to go around bragging about it or putting down your friends.  They also shouldn't do all of the other bad things you mentioned.

A true friend is just someone who cares about you, loves you as you are, and supports and listens to you.  

Answer 3

I think true friendship needs no money or materialism at all. A person who cares about you "takes care" of you emotionally maybe, usually not physically.

Friends might buy each other dinner or movie tickets, but if it gets thrown in your face later then I wouldn't consider these people my friends. A friend is willing to be generous if they are, I have friends who are notoriously cheap and never pay for anything, but I still love them anyway. I don't expect anything in return if I give something to my friends.  

Answer 4

The really important things in a friendship aren't material things at all. Friendship is one of the greatest gift if it's real friendship, that means to be there for one another in good times and in bad times. To be a good listener, to talk when talk is important but also to feel comfortable in silence. To help out in a crisis, to encourage, to give advice if your friend asks for advice, to not judge your friend, to like your friend the way she or he is despite or because of their little flaws which everybody has and to accept them as they are and not try to change them. To help them or comfort them when they need comfort. To be their confidant or confidante, to share laughter, to have fun together. To spend time to choose a gift you may think your friend likes and spend hours of your time over that but it doesn't have to be expensive. Sometimes the best gifts are those that are self made.. it shows that person invested a lot of time and personal effort into creating a unique gift.. and to give a gift just out of the blue.. but again it has to be nothing of great material value but a nice surprise.. just for no reason... to give of oneself rather than to give material things.. A lot of people have riches, and money but they are lonely. they have all the material things and still aren't happy.. because they lack a true friend. x*x

Answer 5

A true friend is someone that stays with you in bad times.

That is when you know a good friend.

I don't mean someone that gives you material things.

Also a good friend is someone that listens to you.

maybe won't offer the best help, but at least tries to help you.

Plus, if you have a friend that always asks you for a favor and never gives it back, then this person does not love you.

Friends should not substitute fathers or spouses or your kids.

Friends should occupy a special place in your life, but not be the center of your life.

I used to have a friend" that always called when she was in some sort of trouble.

She always wanted me to solve her problems.

Instead of calling her parents or siblings.

I had to run away from her, Oh she did took vengeance!

but it was worth leaving it like that