Why do men tell me to smile?

Question

I'm a generaly happy person and chances are you'll always find me in a chipper mood and smiling but like anyone there are times when I just don't smile.

So why it is, random men, whether it's on campus, at a bar, at the grocery store or while I'm working some man will always tell me to smile.

Guys why do some of you all do this? I could understand it if I walked around with a scowl on my face every single day and you had to witness that but most of the time these are men who don't even know me.

What's the deal? How do these guys know I'm not just having a bad day? Like telling me to smile will automatically make things better.

Answer 1

They are trying to start a dialogue with you, and think that by bossing you about the first time you set eyes on them, you will automatically fall under their macho spell.

In short, they are jerks.

Best off just to ignore them.

Cheers :-)

Answer 2

maybe they've seen your smile before and thought it was really pretty and just wanted to see you smile :)

Answer 3

no, it's not really the outer smile that you carve on your face. it's the inner smile that's called "optimism". once you have it, you can always look "smiley" even when you're not smiling.

Answer 4

It kind of sounds like you are one of those god looking girls that walk around looking like you just smelled something foul. Guys obviously notice this and want you to smile to bring your beauty through. Just think about the faces you make every day. I bet you dont even notice that you are making bad faces, but everyone else does.

Answer 5

because you are probably pretty and guys like seeing pretty girls happy and smiling. it makes you look prettier and makes us happy

Answer 6

I get that sometimes too, my guess is that guys find girls more attractive when they smile. My friend says it is because they want to fantisize about you with a happy face on. *haha* Ok, sorry. I hope we helped.

Answer 7

I was just thinking about this the other day. I have had it said to me from time to time but I have never said it to anyone else, male or female and I have never witnessed anyone other than a male saying this to anyone other than a female.

As many of the responses you received suggest, most men who do this are hoping to enhance their viewing pleasure. I am sure they don't realize it is problematic and they don't purposefully intend to make women feel bad by doing it. It is simply a subconscious desire to look at something beautiful. The problem with this that men need to recognize is that women aren't objects of beauty, we are people who have complex emotional and mental lives. We are not here to make others field of vision prettier. We are here to live our own lives and sometimes those lives are frustrating, sad, depressing, or boring. Asking someone to smile is inherently asking that person to pretend to feel differently than they authentically feel. It presumes also that you have a right to ask someone (usually a stranger) to change for you. It is really rude to ask a stranger to change their bodily expression, no?

Then again, most men have been conditioned to avoid dealing authentically with their *own* emotions so they have very few tools for dealing authentically with the emotions of other people. Also, men think they need to fix everything and solve all our problems. So I think that most men who do this are definitely well meaning and they think they're are helping. They don't recognize the unconscious sense of entitlement ("I can ask other to change to suit me") and superiority ("I can solve your problems that you are incapable of solving") from which they are working. It's not intentional malice, but it is something that more men should be aware of. Perhaps this question will help.

When this happens to me I have taken to saying, "Thank you for your concern about my feelings, but I can choose how my face looks on my own. I'm sorry if it bothers you, but you don't have to look at me. Have a nice day." Usually they are left with their mouth open as I walk away with a more frustrated look on my face. Perhaps it's not "polite" but it's honest. I'd rather be honest than "polite."

Answer 8

maybe they think ur so beautiful you'd be gorgeous with a smile on ur face

Answer 9

Some people just have that 'serious' face. While you are completely content with the situation you're in, your face may express a bit of gloom that random people feel urge to cheer you up. Maybe you have strong imagination and your thoughts tend to drift away? Being more in tune with your surrounding may help.

Answer 10

After reading through the responses other people have given you, my perspective has changed a little bit. I always thought it was a man's way of not only trying to start a conversation with me, but additionally they are displaying dominance and macho like behavior. Attributes I don't like at all. When this happened to me I would be so annoyed.

But now I do see there is another reason why a man will ask a woman to smile. Some guys honestly want to brighten a woman's mood if they perceive they're having a bad day. Other people have mentioned if men can achieve that it's a boost to their self-esteem.  

Even with the knowledge that some guys do this because they don't like to see a woman sad, and that a woman is more attractive when she's smiling, in my opinion it's still sorta rude. I agree with louise that people shouldn't have to display a permanent smile on their face.  

Answer 11

They are just trying to be nice. Like they see that you are upset and just want to make you feel better and let you know everything is gonna be alright!

Answer 12

Men tell me this too.

Just smile and giggle to shut them up. Works for me.

Answer 13

I have a friend who hears this a lot from men, as well.

Tell them what she always tells them: "I'll smile when you're dead."

It wipes the smile right off their face.

Answer 14

Maybe you have a nice smile?

Answer 15

When I was single I got that all the time. I found it annoying and it made me feel uncomfortable like there was something wrong with my expression....I want to smile when I want to smile and not because somebody tells me to. If guys want us to smile at them they should just say something funny or nice....not command us to smile as if we are children...As you can tell it really rather annoyed me.

Answer 16

I think it's rude. How many men ask other men to smile? Or women asking men?

It's like asking someone to frown. Or cry. Or talk. It's annoying. That's just my opinion, though. I'm sure most men don't mean to be rude, but they don't have the right to dictate what my facial expressions should be, just to make them feel good.

Answer 17

Oh, I've gotten this before too! I'm usually fairly pleasant, but we all have our bad days -- and that's when this lovely little remark comes my way. =/

I've come to a conclusion that men typically are more comfortable and attracted to women who are happy and smiling. Its very deep psychology behind the reason *WHY* they prefer it, but it has much to do with them not feeling pressure to make a woman happy.

When a man meets a woman who is regularly happy because SHE created her life to be pleasing to her, then he'll feel more comfortable to be himself as well and not feel as though his life would be strained while in her presence.

When a woman is upset, guys naturally try to please her -- as its natural instict for men, in general, to want to please women (even if you think they're sexist a$$holes).

If a man is able to make a woman happy or smile, its a ego boost in some way to him. If, however, they aren't able to, its a major blow to their self-esteem and ego. (Hence why men often can't stand being in a relationship with a woman who complains and naggs about every little thing in her life! They feel compelled to 'fix' it or make her happy, and it usually always fails because only WE can make OURselves happy.)

So they'd much rather have a happy/smiling woman near them, than a serious-faced beauty, because they feel less stress to meet the constant demand of their very own nature to make a woman happy.

It goes much deeper than that too, but that's what my studies have pointed to so far.. its pretty interesting, IMO!

Even though it used to *really* irritate me when a man told me to "smile!" -- I can understand why he's saying that now and most times, I'll smile anyway (even if I feel bitter about something in life at that moment).

Also.. on a side note; it never really hurts to smile either. Even when we feel sour, if you smile anyway, you'll usually start to see yourself becoming more happy regardless of your circumstance!

Answer 18

Well, I'm sure I've heard this sometime (not recently). I've heard it from a female, not sure if a guy has ever told me this.

I agree it is completely rude. It's like telling someone to do jumping jacks randomly, it's just being manipulative. You're not there to please someone else by smiling.

It shows little consideration for what you are actually feeling, and it makes it like they only care about how your mood affects them. It's selfish and bossy.

I like the quip someone posted above "I'll smile when your dead", just my kind of comeback!

Answer 19

They are being polite, caring, worried

If I see someone I know and they seem down, be they man or woman I'll see whats wrong try to talk them up "tell them to smile" in so many words. I have people and strangely enough mostly women who walk by me at work who do the same thing when I am having a down day. And you know what it helps. Its being normal and polite.

Answer 20

caz they like seein girls happy

Answer 21

Maybe it's not about your mood at all, maybe they just think you're pretty when you smile.

Answer 22

All men seem to do this.  I get men saying that to me a lot when I was young (they don't bother so much when you're old).  Why they expect all women to walk around with a stupid great grin on their faces all the time, I don't know.

There is no earthly reason why you should be smiling all the time, it is natural for the face to be in repose most of the time, not permanently grinning.

Answer 23

I got that too when I was in college and working in customer service.

"Smile, you're much prettier when you smile."

"Smile, it's not that bad."

"Smile, you look sad."

I never quite understood it.  It came mostly from older gentlemen, so it may have just been their way of starting a conversation.  

Some guys can do it and come across as a "fatherly" or "grandfatherly" figure.. but then, some guys do it, give you a big knowing grin, and make you feel dirty.

I've never been a fan.

I've not heard it in a while though.

Answer 24

Ice-breaker

maybe you look angry more than you realize.

Answer 25

your too serious,or you look depressed

Answer 26

You have a cute smile that guys want to see

I get the same thing when my face is normal, people say i look angry or hard out regardless of what mood i am in

Answer 27

We like to conversate like that. Us men want to start a conversation by having a women know that we are interested in them like that, we want you to feel cared for!