Why do moms hate stepmoms?

Question

I am married to a man that has a 15 year old daughter that now lives with us due to her mother being arrested for drugs. My husband and his ex wife shared custody up to the arrest. We now have custody and the ex is doing everything she can to upset the child and hates me and I have never spoke a word to her and treat her daughter like she is mine. My husband does all the communication with her and she has always been nasty to him as long as I have been with him. I just want feed back from others that might have the same problem.

Answer 1

She probably resents you because she is not able to be there for her own daughter the way you are. And most women cannot stand to see someone that they were so unhappy with or someone that left them being happy.

Edit**how does someone make your husband cheat on you?  ^Last time I checked it was called free will.

Answer 2

Most mums hate step moms because it is so painful to watch someone in your place. With ur partner and your child you made and raised together.  Taking your place in the family you built and had invested all your dreams and hopes and future in and worked so hard for and loved so much.

It isnt ususally anything personal to the step mom.

She could be the nicest person on earth, but its a natural reaction.  U feel as though she is trying to replace you.  Erase you.  She already has your husband and now is holding your children in her arms.

Its irrational but true.

It comes from hurt, having not moved on or let go and insecurity.

Better to have a step mom who does accept your kids than one who dispises them.  But its just hard for the mums left behind.

Sorry!

Answer 3

She sounds very selfish!  Her actions are not in the best interest of the child.  She has lost control and I'm sure it is eating her up!  Just continue to do what you think is right with his daughter.  Remember the 15 yr old hears everything and is probably hurt and confused right now.  Maybe focus on her instead of the mother.  Hopefully the mother can get her act together and become an adult.  Good Luck to you

Answer 4

she is right to hate u - u treat her daughter like yours. since why? who gave u that right? get your own children

Answer 5

in your particular case, she screwed up and sees that you are doing a better job than she could with her own daughter. In other cases, the mom worries (and for good reason) that their child will not or is not being treated fairly. Jealousy issues come up between kid and stepmom and/or kid and step-sibs. The mom feels helpless in protecting her child from hurt feelings and ill- treatment because dad's view of these situations can be clouded because he's caught in the middle. blended families automatically come with these issues, sucess is all in how you handle them.

Answer 6

I think that it is more common than most people think.

Just be strong and don't stoop down to her level - she is obviously a woman with misplaced priorities.

Good luck.

ADD** It is GREAT that you care about this child. People put down a stepparent who WANTS to be there but do not think about a poor child who is left with a cruel, unloving step parent...Some people need to remove the blinders because alot of stepparents are 100 X's better than the actual parent.

Answer 7

don't look for it to get better.

Answer 8

I know that, I don't want my son's stepmom to treat him like he's hers: Because he isn't. He already has a mom. Maybe you're going over the top with trying to treat her like she's yours, and she feels you're overstepping the boundaries. Maybe she still loves her ex, and feels you're in the way.

I don't like my son's step-mom for a few reasons: She made my husband cheat on me; she controls when my ex can see her son and if he can talk to me about it; after he left me for her, she insisted on coming with him to the pick-up and drop-offs, just a month after he left our marriage; she claims she loves my son, that she has all these things (clothes, etc) for him, yet it`s only for when he`s at her house (feels like she is trying to buy my son`s love...that`s not love.); she never talked to me, yet keeps spreading around rumors about me, insulting me, my family who she's never even seen in her life; she (and my ex) say that THEY should had custody, 'cause she'd be a way better mom than me (I am a great mom, provide well for my son, he's a happy kid).  To sum it all up: I don't like her. She intrudes, wants to be part of every decision about my child, when she isn't the mother. I am the mother, my child only has one mother. I made the child with my ex-husband, she's only been in his life 8 months, yet she feels that her feelings, and what she wants, is more important than my son. She won't allow him to stop at my house to see his son, so he has to do it in secret.

I think alot of step-moms believe that because they are with the father now, they should be making the decisions too, when in fact, lots of the time, they should just butt out.

That's just MY opinion. :)

Answer 9

She is suffering from first wives syndrome.

Symptoms include bitterness, jealousy, and insecurity.

Answer 10

The mom obviously is afraid her daughter will turn on her, so it's easier for her to make you look bad. If she's in jail, she has no control.

She may also still have feelings for her ex, so it's easier to hate their new ladies, than to place any blame on the man.  

I didn't like my step mom. But I never lived with them either.  I saw that it seemed my father did more for her, than he ever did for any of us when we were a family.  BUT it took me until I was past 30 years old, to figure out, it's was HER doing the things for them, not my dad. He was as much a loser with her.

Jealousy could paly apart. Insecurities play a part.

Answer 11

I'm a step mom and my husbands ex dislikes me too.  I guess its cuz we have what they had.  When it comes to the kids, she feels like daddy is supposed to pay for everything even if their spoiled rotten. They just need to move on in their lives.  But one thing to warn you about, when dealing with step DAUGHTERS they are always first in their fathers eyes.  I have a horrible time with my step daughter she is 18 spoiled rotten and is highly jealous of me because my husband spoils me too. She gets it from her mother, so good luck  

Answer 12

I am a mom who doesnt like the stepmom...reason being is that once she married my ex she became in control...Him and I are not allowed to discuss the children..Everything has to go through her and she makes the decisions for him...She has been a real problem and him and I use to communicate about the children until she came along and her saying we cant talk unless she is there....load of c**p, thats why we will be back in court....In your situation she just sounds jealous...esp if she has never met you.

Answer 13

she is just nervous her daughter will love you more. you might need to back off a little, let your husband be in control. him and the ex should be making the decisions concerning the daughter. but first the mom has to clean up her act.

Answer 14

Her mother is a drug user. Doesn't that answer your question?  

Answer 15

Not all do. But those who do have the resentment of the ex wife towards the current one, plus the fear that their children will love the other woman more. Read Carrie Adams' novel 'The Stepmother', it might help raise your spirits a little.

Answer 16

It is all about territory, no matter who you are, you will never be good enuff to grace the bed that she left, or be the woman for her ex man. Women are jealous creatures when it comes to this, and even tho they are divorced, they feel as if you are infringing on there territory and that kicks in the auto defense mode. ex wives dislike current wives just as current wives dislike ex wives, and for the current wife, its more of a security issue than it is a territorial issue