Why do more PAPs request girls over boys?

Question

There is a definite trend that shows that when perspective adoptive parents make a gender request, that overwhelmingly girls are preferred over boys. I've heard a few theories about why this is so, but I would love to hear thoughts on this?

Why are more girls "requested' than boys?

Answer 1

I personally think it has to do with PAP's feeling like a girl is more apt to be emotionally available and willing to bond with them...in most cases. My adopted boy (no preference of s*x chosen) made me fearful prior to the adoption. Would he accept us, would he love us, would he be able to bond with us and us with him....but mostly, would I have trouble with the fact that in 2 years he wouldn't want to hug and kiss me anymore...as boys are apt to do? Honestly, I secretly wished for a girl. Now that he is here, the fears are gone and I couldn't love a girl--adoptive or biological--any more than I love him....with or without hugs and kisses. The smiles and the laughter will be perfectly wonderful for me.

<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

Answer 2

I really don't know and have often questioned this myself. Boys are just as joyful and loving. A child is a child no matter what s*x. I can understand how a mom with boys might want a girl, but am perplexed by infertile couples only wanting little girls. Every day, I thank God for my son.

Answer 3

Well, I think if I requested a gender, I'd request a boy only because everyone else prefers girls!

But other than that, I wouldn't make any gender requests, if I made one at all. You don't have a choice of gender when you're pregnant, why do you think you should have a choice of gender when you adopt?

Also, for some reason, I think families with all girls request girls, because everone figures 'what boy would want to grow up with all those sisters?!' but people rarely think 'what girl wants to grow up with all those brothers!'

Answer 4

Maybe its because those are the type of people that are looking at adoption to serve their wants and fantasies as opposed to placing a child in need in a loving home.

Answer 5

Some people request because they have an idea of how they want their family so they adopt and request a specific s*x for that. Like my mom has two boys and allways wanted a girl. She considered but never adopted if she did she said she would of gotten a girl.  

Also in the case of foster care boys tend (we got this from the social worker in foster care and i don't know why) need more therapy and are usually difficult to place.

In our case we have a two bedroom and we have a girl. We are adopting from foster care and it does not matter with your bio kids but in foster kids only same s*x can share a room after a certain age so we don't know when we can afford something bigger so we are getting a girl  for that reason.  

We have talked about later when we can afford another room going and getting a boy

Answer 6

We requested daughters when we adopted b/c we already had two bio sons & wanted exactly what you said in your addendum that we wanted to experience being the parents of daughters.

I agree with you that I don't think that's the predominant reason.  I think it's probably fear.  People are more afraid of adoption/attachment/loss/grief/behavior issues with boys than with girls.  Boys tend to be a bit more aggressive than girls and when you add in possible anger (or other) issues to that dynamic, you have people who fear that a boy will torture the pets, burn down the house and stab the adoptive family with a knife in the middle of the night.  (yes, that was a tongue in cheek example, but I just wanted to illustrate the fear)  

Adoption issues are adoption issues and I think any adopted child is going to have issues to some degree or another.  I don't think it has to do with gender, age when parental rights were terminated, age of adoption or many of the other factors as much as it has to do with the child, what they experienced or didn't experience before the adoption, how well they cope and heal after the adoption and those kind of factors.

Answer 7

I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, since I haven't adopted yet, but I will in the future. But I for one, would like to adopt a boy internationally. I myself wonder why girls are preferred over boys.

Answer 8

hmm....girls are prettier and more lovely.... maybe that's the reason why they are more requested.

Answer 9

I am a single parent and expressed interest in adoptiong a baby girl.  I thought we'd bond better- both being girls- and also be closer when she is older and becomes a parent herself.

I actually adopted a baby boy because my heart and faith led me to him, instead of a girl.  I had recurring dreams of being a mom to a baby boy--  and I literally followed those dreams by expressing to my agency that I did not want to wait for a little girl only.  And when I got my call, it was a BOY!

My son rules my world.  We are very close and I couldn't imagine having a daughter.

Answer 10

With biological children you get what you get....adoption should be the same.

We did not know what dd was before she was born.

We were just grateful to ever be parents.

Answer 11

I don't have a "for sure" answer either, but it made me think of something I've been told more than once: "Boys are more likely to seek out their biological parents in adulthood."

I personally DO NOT believe this is even remotely true but I wonder if this has been told to PAPs and perhaps deters them from wanting a male child?

Has anyone else ever heard of this nonsense? Maybe its just me...

Just a thought.

Answer 12

The only reason we did request a girl was because we already had 2 boys. If we would have been childless it would not have mattered one bit.

I too wonder why those with no children would request either gender.

Answer 13

When adopting from China or Korea PAPs cannot request a specific gender, even if we could have we would not.

We are willing to parent a child of either gender.

Answer 14

Is it true that more girls are requested than boys>  We are adopting from China and waiting for domestic.  For both home studies we have expressed the desire for either a boy or a girl.  We don't have a preference.  Adopting from China you can request a boy or a girl or put no preference.  It makes me sad to  think that a couple  would only take one s*x over another but since I ask others not to judge my choice for choosing international and domestic I won't judge others for their choice.

ETA I am laughing that my stating I don't judge others gets a thumbs down.  I don't even know what to make of that.  LOL

Answer 15

I don't have an answer for you but I really feel that you should no be allowed to determine the s*x of the child you adopt.  A child in need is a child in need regardless of what gender they happen to be.

Answer 16

With our first adoption, we were given a choice but said we were happy with either and we got a boy.  With our second one, we were told that we could not request for a girl as by that time 90% of allocation were boys and they could not cope with any more request for girls (so I guess your question is correct in saying that).  

That didnt bother us, as we were not going to request a specific gender anyway.  We got a girl.  I don't know why that was so as we heard that some couples who made specific requests for girls (before the rule was introduced) were allocated boys.

In answer to your question, I have no idea why people would request girls specifically.  Being a member of the female gender myself, I would have thought that people would think that a girl would be higher maintenance (financially and emotionally).  The nasty side of me thinks it has more to do about an a/mom wanting to play dress ups with their child (like your own live little dolly). Or some request girls to fill a void in their lives (all kids are boys and they feel a need for a girl etc)

You would think they would just feel lucky to have any child enter their lives without being so choosey.

Just wanted to add.  I have found parenting boys to girls very different, but both joyfull in their own way.  I don't think the joy I derive from my children is gender related, I think you just come to love them once they enter your lives.

And one more thing, I dont think people should have children to fill something missing in their lives.  I think that is unfair to the child.

Answer 17

I had 3 boys and really felt something missing. There are groups called mothers wanting daughters and most of them have several boys already. In my family, I had one sis and no bro's. My parents didn't feel empty. Neither do my neighbors with no boys and 2 girls.

**There doesn't seem to be that feeling of loss with families that only have girls and no boys. On the other hand the families that have only boys really seem to feel they are missing a daughter. So no, it does not even out.**

I don't know why this is. Maybe they want the bond that they have with their mother as adults that you just don't get with boys. Maybe they feel they will be closer to their grandchildren if they are the offspring of a daughter as it seems the mothers mother is seen more often than the fathers mother. (not always true)  I'm sure there is a lot more too it that probably has a deep seeded root in the AP's rather than the fact that people think girls are less trouble or just cuter than boys.