Why do most married couple finds it hard to communicate and live with their in-laws?

Question

Why do most married couple finds it hard to communicate and live with their in-laws?

Answer 1

Because married couples have their own choices on how live life, what timings to keep, what furniture to buy, what clothes(or not) to wear around house, make out in front of the TV, any changes in home, what to eat or cook, how much money to spend on what, whether or not to have guests/relatives over, what to do in the weekend. Be able to talk freely in the house away from other people's ears, and above all have privacy.  Privacy that is not restricted to a room. They should be able to relax anywhere in their home, not be on constant guard as there are other adults around.

  

Answer 2

Sometimes "you're just never good enough" for a parent/ family member. Its important to remember that when a person gets married that they marry a whole family so...you had to court spouse, do the same for the family.

Answer 3

I had to live with my in-laws (they lived with us), because it was "tradition" for my husband's culture.  I dealt with it for about 2 years, then made them leave.  Our situation was difficult because I didn't speak their language and they don't speak English.  His mother continuously put me down and criticized every move I made.  Thank God that is over!

Answer 4

because they come from different view points and different statuses in life

so they typically have different priorities and wants

i.e. kids.

Answer 5

Because there is a piece of parents that if they did a good job raising their children (your now spouse) had to discipline their children & offer their kids constant guidance & advice....... and now that the "kids" are adults (your spouse) they don't know when to stop.  

It sucks.... but it is natural.   You need boundaries & a lot of mutual respect to make it work......... you both will have to learn to keep basic unsolicated opinions to yourselves on petty things and learn to let a lot slide.  

& can I say you & your spouse having an area of the house that is all yours is really helpful... the whole basement?? or even if you just have one room put a mini refrigerator in there & stock it with snacks & drinks so at night you don't really have to see them.... except a quick trip to the bathroom...... it will kind be like your own private retreat.    

But if they are not the type to honor your married privacy & only offer advice when you guys ask & it really is making you crazy.... please find a way to save some money & move out........ it can start to affect your realtionship with each other.... espeically if you start to make too many negative comments about the in laws.... your spouse might agree for awhile ... but deep inside they are your spouse's parents & it might cause him/her to become defensive & angry at you.  

Pray on it & Good luck..... living with the in-laws temporarily can be a great way to save some bucks.... as long as you don't kill each other.  

;-)  

Answer 6

  

  Beliefs: that construde your'e relationship;"your'e in my house and I make the rules.

              'remedy' for this occasion is to leave and find something to do

       to let the tension to subside.

  

             listen and agree on some topics:and buy food and prepare

        dinner.this will brake barriers of communication.

Answer 7

It depends on if the in-laws have made the transition into having a more adult relationship with their child.  Parents, at some point, need to be accepting of their child's life choices without trying to interfere or be controlling.  

Answer 8

I think it is because the in laws don't like it when there children grow up and they just think that if they don't like there son/daughter in law then they can avoid it. (not all inlaws though)

Answer 9

Often, the inlaws don't think that their son/daughter in law is good enough for their daughter/son. this cause some "bad feelings", which means that the parents in law want to assassinate their son/daughter in law.

Answer 10

Because it's an invasion of their privacy and space.

Answer 11

Because humility and respect of elders are not cherished virtues in our society.

Answer 12

The married couple knows that everything they say and do will be watched by their in-laws and they are scared not to live up to their expectations or think that they aren't good enough.

Answer 13

Maybe because they married their husband/wife and not the husband/wife's parents? Parents also tend to invade your personal space.

Answer 14

If we had the answer to this question, clearly half the worlds personal problems would be solved!  LOL.  I remember when Dear Abby was alive...and she was writing her column.  I bet half the people who wrote to her, wrote to her about in-law problems.  It seemed like, half again as many letters had to do with a controlling mother who wouldn't let her son grow up and kept him dependent.  The other half had to do with an interfearing in-law couple or mother/father, who constantly bugged them to death, usually coming over and parking rear on the couch and making critical, inflammatory remarks or sarcastic comments.

I bet nothing has changed since those days 20 years ago...it may even be worse today.

My guess is that it has to do with two things - not wanting to let go of children who have grown up into adults and being jealous of the new son or daughter-in-law (after all, they now have their "baby, right?).  The typical problem is a mother or father-in-law who will not stop being critical or demeaning or interfearing.  I guess this has something to do with power and control issues, loss of authority, an attitude that they know better than the young couple does..etc,  

Instead of being a true adult, the parents are acting more like children than their children are.  Instead of seeing the son or daughter-in-law as an intruder from the outside, they should be seeing them as adding fresh new vitality to the family, appreciating a different perspective, a new way of doing things, and actually adding to the family wealth (and by wealth, I mean, not money, but quality of person).

While I bet 95% of all of this is not legitimate, that the parents are in the WRONG for interfearing, for being sarcastic, controlling, demeaning, cold, aloof, whatever the ploy...I bet there probably is a 5% group that really does have legitimate complaints.  The new spouse really is mentally ill, or is a criminal or does have bad habits, attitudes or whatever.

Just as we cannot lump ALL MEN into a category or ALL WOMEN into another category, I don't think we can lump ALL IN-LAWS into a category.  For the moment you lump everyone together for any particular reason, I can go out and find you an exception.

In fact, we should give credit to all the loving mother and father's-in-law who love their new son or daughter-in-law...who accept them into the family as one of their own, who befriend their new family addition...who respect the rights of privacy and difference instead of ctricizing and condemning...who honor the committment their child has made to another and respects their right to start a new life, who supports and protects them, gives them love and affection and are tolerant of differences.  For certainly, there are many such mother and father's-in-law who deserve credit for these behaviors.  I have heard many people in my life say that their mother or father-in-law was a better parent than their own, a more loving and kind friend, a dear associate.

I wish it were possible for all parents to understand and be open to love rather than acrimony....peace instead of war and hate...but neither is the human race as a whole, ever as gentle.

All I can do is say, there is a purpose and reason for everything, although I may not know what that may be.  But no matter what challenge comes along in my life, it is I who decide whether I have the courage to face the issues and resolve them or run away and hide.

Answer 15

It is always hard to live with other people, no matter who they are.  How well do you live with YOUR parents?  And they are the folks that raised you.  But why do you want to live with your in-laws?  Marriage is hard enough without a whole other family rubbing elbows with you.  

Answer 16

I think it is because in a nuclear family the members hold similar beliefs, preferences, expectations, and annoyances. When a son or daughter gets married and therefore starts a new family, the parents don't just give up their beliefs. They expect the new member of the family to feel the same way about things that they do. However that new person brings new beliefs to the table and the new family forms their own beliefs. It's hard for the parents to let go. It's hard for the new person to feel like someone is trying to change them. To make it worse all these people (who are relative strangers) are all expected to love each other like family. A lot of times it doesn't go very smoothly.

Answer 17

Where do you get your information? I don't know that either statement is correct.

I don't think that most married couples live with in-laws in this country, nor do I think that MOST couples find it hard to communicate. I think that SOME couples definitely have difficulty knowing what their partner is trying to communicate to them; it can get to be like code with some couples. That's why there is counseling available in most cities.

Answer 18

my mom is rather protective when she thinks im hanging out with girls, even if their regular church-goers. she thinks that no one is good enough for me, like the movie "monster-in law"

Answer 19

I think it is because when you are married you want to be out on your own and not live with anyone else.  Although my husband and I lived with my parents for awhile when we got married I don't think I could live with his mom because I would be afraid to be myself or do anything that she might think was wrong.

Answer 20

in-laws are a no no with the living situation because they are bias toward their family member.  

Answer 21

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