Why do most parents think, that if you are a good parent, your child won't have any behaviour problems?

Question

So, I see that alot of parents think that if you parent your child well, and are a great parent and make sure your child is in a healthy environment, that the child will grow up being great kids?

That is wrong, a child may have parents who parent them properply, hae a caring mother who teaches them things..But the chld may grow up in his teen years totally interested in drug dealing, making money illeglly, and fraud.

So, why do parents think that? "Some people will say "I taught my children well, and I am a great parent and my children grew up as great smart kids"

Children and your son/daughter have a mind of their own, and doesn't mean you can be their brain, even if you teach them at an early age?

Answer 1

Kids that are perfect are often over-controlled and may grow up to follow the path of their parents. But often they will turn out the opposite, partying, womanizing, drugs, small crime, etc. I have seen it happen. Over control because you are scared your kids will make bad decisions... and you are creating kids that will make many many bad decisions.

Answer 2

The people who are like this leave in a bubble anyone who has honest friendships & connects with enough people knows that what you are saying is true. In the area I live in it is an outskirts of about 45 min. from Baltimore City a mostly white republican community. We have one of the worst drug problems in the country & yet you could never tell by looking at the well manicured lawns, nice houses & nice vehicles in the driveway. It is an area of denial. I used to sell auto insurance & I would ask people about their kids driving records & if they had a good grade point average. Some people live vicariously through their children. I just learned so much through doing this work. I can not tell you how many times I sold insurance to a family with perfect children & then when the driving records came back the parents were shocked. What???? My 21 year old has a DUI how could I have not known this? This was years ago so maybe the would be notified by the ins. company now. I saw how your question is bringing up a dirty little secret that is actually not little....I worked with a women who had a cocaine addictions so bad she went to meetings 7 days a week & yet claims her parents didn't know. Many people have drug problems their parents don't know about. ..People used to told they mold their children's minds like clay but intelligent people know that they have their own minds & their own journey in life.

Answer 3

Firstly - to say MOST parents think that is probably a bit much.

I would say that parents think that if they do a good job parenting, instill good morals and ethics onto their children and give them unconditional love, thus instilling great self esteem that they are MORE LIKELY to develop into young adults/adults who will lead a healthy and happy lifestyle.

That is not to say that it is always the case but ultimately WHO CARES what the motive behind being a fantastic parent is... if parents think that by being great parents they are going to end up with great kids then GOOD LUCK TO THEM!

Better to give it your best shot than decide from the onset that it is all downhill anyway, so not bother at all.

I understand your reasoning behind this question, but I think it is a completely mute point.

Answer 4

i know!they always say that don't they?no offense dear beloved parents but thats the fact.It's natural,one day,we might also think like that.They love their children and sometimes spoil them hoping that their child appreciates it and will repay them by doing good,but actually not all of them do.Don't get me wrong,i love my parents.Some(some,not all) kids don't think like this and they are looking in their own point of view ,i believe if they actually thought of this,they might become good people.Its nothing wrong really,it means they have high hopes and faith in their children.Sorry if i provoked or made anybody unhappy but these are only my thoughts.If you disagree with me then you don't need to think about my answer.Feel free to follow your own idea.

Answer 5

Totally right, i don't get that at all, h**l my mom is not great at all, but i still know what do to, what is right, i mean i make some mistakes, but isn't that likely to happen in a 14yr olds life? I have never done anything really rotten.

Answer 6

the whole thing is is up until the teen years most parents that say that thought for there kids a lot of the time. then kids actuually come to think about more than what is in there little world, and the parents are all what the h**l you used to be so different, and that is when the parents try to keep control, and the kids in turn start to pull away. or just start to become who they really are and not what their parents want them to be.

of course this is a sometimes thing, but this makes the most sense to me.

Answer 7

It could be argued that, if a child is getting into trouble as a teen (or at any time), then they weren't parented well, even if their parents think that they were.  Parenting involves getting to know your particular child well, learning how they learn, how to teach them so that the lessons you are teaching are internalized, understood & a part of who your child wants to be.  It involves teaching your child to make good decisions for themselves, to control their own behavior, to recognize their own shortcomings & behavior triggers and to help them learn how to overcome them.  

So, if the child hits teen years & starts doing things they shouldn't be doing, then it's probable that the earlier parenting years didn't involve teaching *that child* how to make good decisions, but, instead, was more about controlling the child's behavior.  

Answer 8

Same thing why parents wont think their child's ugly

Answer 9

Well I am one of those parents who think that but not to the extreme you mention.

My thouhts are that if you are a good parent and you do a good job of teaching your children right from wrong and what's appropriate and what's not and why and you are caring, loving, affectionate, and have a good relationship, strong discipline etc...then the RISKS of your child getting into drugs and wrong doings are much much less. I mean this is just common sense.

Otherwise you could argue that a rotten parent who neglects their kids and doesn't bother teaching them or bother building a solid relationship will be as equaly "lucky" to get great teens. Sorry but it's simply fact that the better job you do as a parent the better CHANCE you have at your kids growing up and not becoming drug dealers or getting in with the wrong crowd.

Of course some kids will still end up taking the wrong path regardless of how you parented but to say that how you parent has no effect on how they turn out is ridiculous.

My oldest are twins turning 14 next month and they are both honor roll students, well behaved, respectful (hold doors for people kind of kids) and we have a great relationship. Of course they could still end up heading down the wrong path but a good parent will recognize this sooner and be able to deal with it and hopefully get them back on track. The fact is my kids are at less risk for heading down the wrong path. I don't live in a bubble for thinking this way, anyone who thinks their parenting has no effect at all on how their children turn out are the ones living in a bubble and that's sad because these are the parents who won't bother trying.

Personally I never did drugs, never even tried them. I never smoked. I was raised to care about how my actions affected myself and others. I don't believe that I turned out to do the right things because of luck, it's because of how I was raised.

EDIT: for the record, obviously I won't get best answer because you are probably looking for someone to agree with you rather than an actual answer with reasoning but I hope you will at least consider what I am saying.

Answer 10

It is difficult to accept that your child will just choose to make bad decisions.  Parents believe that if we teach the child the child the right paths to take, then the teachings will stick.  Just as when they make bad decisions and do things that are wrong, we feel responsible, like we didn't do right by them.  Sometimes though, it is just the path that the child takes.  As good parents, we still feel responsible and that is why the movement of tough love was started.  Not for parents who don't care but for those of us who tried our best and the child still took the wrong path.

We wish we could be their brain for their own protection. It is never easy letting go.