Why do most people assume that people who adopt are infertile or "barren"?

Question

Erin L: That is so funny. I hate the word barren too. I was kind of patronizing a lot of people who like to use it on this website. It's pretty cruel and heartless.

Answer 1

because most of the people that think that are too selfish to ever think of taking in a child for no reason.

Answer 2

Majority of the couples that adopt can't have kids.  There is still the minority that can have kids and just choose to adopt so they will no have to experience the pregnancy itself.

Adoption is a beautiful thing for the couples that adopt and the children in the process.

Answer 3

Well, most people who adopt do deal with infertility.  There is nothing wrong with deciding to build a family through  adoption if a couple is unable to have biological  children, and the word "barren" is offensive.  

It is annoying to no end that adoptive parents get questions about their fertility, whether they are dealing with infertility or not.  When asked why we are adopting, can't we have our "own" children, I would like to look someone straight in the eye and say "Well, see, I just really don't like to have s*x with my husband."  I'd love to see someone's reaction to that but haven't had the courage to say it yet, nor would I be able to keep the appropriate straight face for it to work.

As the saying goes, adoption may be a second choice for many, but it isn't a second-best choice.

Answer 4

well im not one that thinks that. i have actally thought about adopting. I feel so bad for all those poor little infants and children that dont get to have a good home because there not caucasian. Im not racist just thats what people want when they adopt. Ive seen it everywhere and i think thats its wonderful that you guys didnt choose the typical route. We were going to adopt a child but I ended up getting pregnant and im 4 months now but that doesnt mean we wont later. I dont think it means everything about the race. I think it should matter more about the child and if you can have a special bond with the child even if you only meet them for a few seconds. I think most people in america just want to adopt for the color. Im not being racist or anything just look at all the adoptioin agencies. they are overloaded with babies from different countries because nobody wants them. its a horrible thing and im glad that you guys helped make some child have a better life by looking at something other than the race.

Answer 5

Don't mind what people say. They have a problem for thinking that, not realizing that you and your husband actually have hearts. There is nothing wrong with you for adopting, it is a great thing. Kids need a home and loving parents such as you and your husband so I know where you are coming from when you say it is frustrating. Don't stop, your kids will really appreciate it and that is what matters.

Answer 6

I'm seeing a large influx of women who are adopting later in life, and who are just flat out scared of going through the risks of pregnancies at their ages. I'm talking 40's. These are women who put their career first, and decided to start a family later in life, which is perfectly acceptable. However, there are higher risks in pregnancy as you get older. Some women are just as happy adopting, instead of putting themselves at risk, or the baby at risk of death.

Our adoption was sort of unplanned. And overnight emergency that led to an orphan, to an adoption. But it was wonderful!!! Now we're ttc one of our own!

Answer 7

Some people want to be;ieve thet we adopt ONLY for selfish reasons.

I had a molar pregnancy ( it's a cancerous pregnancy) and was told to not get pregnant. I was willing to risk my life to be a mom, but after almost dying I knew I couldn't leave her without a mom. So we decided to adopt because we wanted to grow our family.

Edit--------------

Crystal... I feel you. We had JUST decided that adoption would be an option hadn't been looking. 2 months later we had our son.... It was truely amazing. We didn't even have the $ to pay for the everything (We had just bought our first house and spent all of our savings on the renovations) and still God provided.

Honestly I was planning on going through foster care and adopting an older child YEARS DOWN THE ROAD, but God had another plan and our son was born when my daughter was 14 months and went home with us 2 weeks later.

Another Edit-------------

I have NO isssues with having a jacked uterus. I'm not personaly attached to it (emotionally) and I Know that not being able to carry children has nothing to do with who I am.   I consider myself as not being able to have (give birth) to children (especially not that the hubby got the snip) but Pregnancy sucked for me and I never want to do it again. It was so scary  when I was passing out and truely thought I was dying.

Answer 8

I have never used that term.  Although most people who adopt do so because they cannot have children of their own, they are certainly not the only people who adopt.

I have not seen anyone on here use that term either, although it really IS a fair assumption that people who adopt are infertile - just based on the percentages.  

I'm sure it is frustrating but, if you are comfortable with who you are, don't waste the energy being bothered by it.

SOME people on Y!A have called me an "adoption hater" but  no one has managed to find a quote from me to back up their assumptions.  Why should I get upset anyway?  My energy is better spent elsewhere.

Answer 9

Yeah, know what you mean.  I told my father the other day I would like to adopt and he gave me a funny look and said "you should have your own".  Well, no.1 I don't have a man in my life and, I told him that "I would like to save a child who is already here".   I think that is such a lovely and beautiful thing to do.  The best Karma ever!!!

Answer 10

i know...I dont know why it is an automatic assumption either.  I am not infertile..at all.  My hubby likes to think that its his sperm and he is the "bomb" but whatever.....lol.....i let him think it.  We CHOSE adoption.  and also now that we are adopting and I have been "spreading the word" more people are thinking that my son was adopted too.  You know what they say about assumming.....i say WHATEVER!

Answer 11

It is ignorance that causes these reactions.  Parents of children with disabilities deal with the same issues of people "feeling sorry for them".

I for one would just like to say that your kids are VERY lucky to have loving parents who want to give them the best start in life.  

When people say things like you describe, I would suggest just being ultra positive back to them.  Tell them that your children bring you so much joy and you can't imagine your life without them.

Answer 12

It's a wonderful thing what you are doing :) so don't let the ignoramouses bother you too much.

I think I would like to adopt as well after my first or second child, but we simply don't have the money or the room.

Answer 13

Probably  because most people who adopt are infertile.  There is a lot of discussion about fertility and adoption on the internet.  Many infertile people portray themselves as suffering greatly through their adoption process.  

Some adopters are acting on idealism, which is sometimes not  well informed.  Adopting a child who truly would not have another home, one who is older and in foster care for example, is a less common goal or at least much less discussed.  It's also much more responsibility than many people want to take on.