Why do most people assume that people who relinquish a child are "crackwhores" or "heroin addicts"

Question

My natural mother was neither a heroine addict or a crack w***e. She was a scared young woman who didn't have a lot of options offered to her at the time.

And yet, this seems to be the stereotype in our culture. Why?

Answer 1

We adopted ours from a mother who simply couldn't afford to take care of her children. She was uneducated and couldn't make ends meet. She knew the best thing for her was to give her to a happy couple that could give her what she needed.

And she still has contact with her today.   9 years later

Answer 2

Its just that a sterotype. Its also another case of people not really knowing unless they have been there or been a part of someone who has been there. My nephew lives with his grandparents due to my sisters inability to care for him. She had him too young. I know of a few other familys who have adopted children or who have children not living at home. There are many many reasons as to why a mother does not have the baby they gave birth to.

I would compare this sterotype to a family who recieves state welfare. People assumethat these people are lazy and don't want to work. There are more cases of people making mistakes and need to be taught and guided through this part of their lives.

Answer 3

You know, I may regret answering this question like this, but I give credit to all the "crack w***e / drug addict  /s***s, or whatever else you want to call them that decided to give their babies a better life.  At least they gave them life.  I don't know if it was because of lack of $ to abort / religious beliefs preventing them from aborting.  All I know is it takes alot to bring a life into this world.  I have been there.  I have 2 beautiful daughters, but I regret every day the babies I chose not to bring into this world.  ( Thats right abortion) Its an ugly awful thing that lets people off the hook too easy.  Children are gifts from God whether the gift is meant for you or someone else- LIFE IS A GIFT!!  God Bless anyone who gives it!!!

Answer 4

Because with all their degrees, opportunity, and financial superiority, they can't make children of their own.

So they rip on the very women who give them the 'gifts' from God.

Not having respect for your child's family means you have no respect for child.

Answer 5

Most people don't assume this.

Answer 6

Not all people assume that. I know I never did. and my kids birth mother wasn't one either

Answer 7

I put my daughter up for adoption when I was young so she could have all I could not afford to give her. She is well and loves her adopted family very very much. We talk and love each other and no one has ever called me anything but my first name.

I think if you assume then there are others who assume also and there you go you are surrounded by assumptions. I have a tendency to assume rarely but I do do it, so I can't throw bricks at glass houses.

I would ignore a comment like that and move on with my day there are to many nice things going on to pay any attention.

Answer 8

My dad's mother relinquished him as well. As far as I know, she was a white woman who had an affair with a black man and her husband forced her to give him up when he realized he wasnt his biological child.  

The choices/reasons are far reaching and diverse...I thank God that she chose to have you and my grandmother have my dad.. rather than some other desperate decision amen? Else wise we wouldnt be here...

Answer 9

Some people are just plain stupid and others are raging bigots. Assuming anything about another person is always wrong.

Answer 10

i have your answer toy uour yahoo question i was adopted when i 9 months old please im me it dx6767

Answer 11

I am not a w***e or a crack addict but had to put my children up for adoption for there own safety as their father was violent & had threatened our lifes her also went down for 11yrs for rapping 2 18yr old girls at gun point . He seamed to find us every time , so what was I supposed to do ?

Answer 12

I think that most mums that go for the adoption option .. really just want the best life for their child and if they aren't ready to be a mother or don't think they are financially up to it .. then it's good they do this :) It's quite mature and a really hard decision to make, but I think it's quite brave of them to do so!

There are alot of people who are unable to have children and would love to raise a baby :)

Answer 13

I don't think most people think that.

Answer 14

I don't know if most people believe that... but a lot do, definitely.

I think it is because they need some way to justify the adoption in their minds. It's too horrifying to think that a woman who is fit to parent could relinquish her child. Most people understand, deep down, how awful and terrifying that would be. And if someone like them--a normal woman--could do such a thing, what does that say? What does it suggest? Could it happen to them, too?

I think it is a defense mechanism.

Answer 15

I don't think that if a b-mom was a "crackwhore" or "heroin addict" she would be on here announcing it. Also not many adopted childern know their b-moms b-history or maybe that part was kept fom the a-family.

Also most of the adoptive parents I've met were at my son's P.T.  appointsments where many of them too were drug exposed . I met about 6 other adopted victums of drug exposure. I also met some that were in foster case and some where were with natural parents and years old. It's very sad and is very real.... How do you explain to someone (my son) that someone who was supposed to protect you decided to party and get arrested and smoke and many other thinks while knowingly pregnant.  I don't believe it's an adoption theing, but a life style thing and EVEN B-MOMS can be a drug addict.

I know she's the only one accountable for her actions, but it makes me sick to think that her friends (most of whom are parents) would sit there and encourage her to get high. If they were her friends they wouldn't have joined her.

It's just as much a stereotype to say that all b-moms are just young and poor.

Answer 16

It is better for a child to be raised by their real single mother amyb, then be raised by two strangers. Your marriage has nothing to do with this child. You two are not this child's parents! Nothing in the world can make up for losing one's real mother, their bloodline or  their identity,  No amount of toys, no amount of money, a nice house, trips, nada, nothing. Bloodlines are sacred and money will never compare to them. If you and your husband were really good people, you would of just given this woman some money to help her out and urged her to keep her baby. It is sad in America that money is deemed more important that human beings, when it is just a peice of cloth. It is never mature either to take someones baby away from them, rather than sacrifising your own material things to help the child's mother.

Answer 17

OH I hope not.   I havn't heard that.  

I was given up for adoption and my birth mother was a married lady and my father was an Administrator at a large hospital.  

To give up a baby is a WONDERFUL HEROIC   thing to do.   The mother and father of the baby are saying,   'becuase we love this baby and want the best for it,  we are giving it up for adoption to a family who is ready for a baby now.

If that is how some ppl talk about birth mothers who give up a baby,   they are contributing to all the babies out there who are with their birth mother and she can't handle it.  She keeps the baby becuase she's afraid what ppl will say about her,  not becuase she wants it.

So after a while  she regrets havning the baby and treats it like that.

Another child, not wanted.

Birth mothers who give up their baby are the best  most unselfish mothers!

Answer 18

Most people do not assume  this  Most people are aware that there are many different reasons why children are put up for adoption and foster care  Children in these situations are no different than anyone else

Answer 19

Labeling and the stereotypical namecalling makes the adopters feel less guilty, and possibly elevates their sense of self. Apparently infertility treatments make some women crazy, either way there can be a loss of self when one can't reproduce.

As for the women who can't have children and speak so harshly about others and judge others parenting abilities;  I am thankful their genes won't be heading back into the pool.  We don't need those kind of monsters raising children.

Answer 20

Well I think that is absolute rubbish!  I know that for a fact, because I adopted out my son when I was only 18.  And I can tell you that I wasn't on any drugs of any kind.  I just knew that I wasn't ready to be a mother.

Answer 21

My mom isn't, and wasn't, a crack w***e, s**t, drug abuser, on welfare, or any of the other stereotypes out there. I would like to hear from adoptees whose mom was a crack w***e. Are there any here? I know there are first moms who are amongst us. I wonder how many of them smoked crack around the time they placed their children? Adoptive parents, are the mothers of your children crack whores?

C'mon, lets see how many there are.

Answer 22

because people are close minded and arrogant . i did it out of love. and fear for my baby. before i was in the situation i never could have imagined that i would ever make that choice

Answer 23

i think americans usually assume that. it's just a bad part of society's way of thinking.

Answer 24

Because then it can validate the heroic act of "saving" the child to the adopters. They then can feel so great, so wonderful for RESCUING the otherwise death bound child from a life of prostitution or crack w***e styles. They can parade their little selfless act around with them in cheesy take off clothing of their culture, and tell everyone what a wonderful act God led them to.

It REALLY helps deal with getting over their infertility some of them have. You know, you see it in the dear birthmother letters, or the new membership letters to adoption forums, after 5 years of unsuccessful attempts at having our own child, IVF, we've accepted our "calling" to adoption. There are sooo many children who need homes that we feel it is our duty to adopt and save them from a life otherwise in a dumpster, or on the streets or dead.

If they only knew, or even cared about the truth of our mothers who have surrendered us.

Some do, and I love those who really get it, who really care, they make a difference. 2 steps forward, but for the amount of ones who don't get it... about 5 steps back.

Answer 25

I have not seen "most people" assume this . I only saw 1 person say that on YQA.  I never felt that way and I still dont.  .......I do not agree with you that this is a the "norm" for stereotypes.  Havent seen it.....

Answer 26

I definitely don't think that!  Our daughter's birthmother is a beautiful 18 year old girl who just couldn't provide what she wanted her baby to have -- two loving parents who have a strong and happy marriage, who are financially, emotionally secure and mature.  She loved her baby enough to give her more!

Answer 27

Ignorance is incredibly damaging.

Answer 28

Well you know when we are issued our special bmommy id cards they also give us our regulation fishnets and haltertops.

I do think it has something to do with justification. If you adopt the child of a crackwhore youare saving it but what is it when the mom can and should be parenting?