Why do my in-laws act like they are my son's parents?

Question

.My mother-in-law and father-in-law "show off" at family functions by taking over the parenting role of my son. I wouldn't mind the help, except that they blatantly disregard my parenting directives and those of my husband. They act as though we're not even there!  

My husband and I are intelligent, competent parents in our 30s.  I am a doting mother who is with my son practically 24/7.  My in-laws visit with him about twice per month, but by no means have any hand in raising him.  

It's interesting that my in-laws only behave like this when they have an audience. While I don't want to embarrass them or hurt their feelings, I find this offensive and absurd.

My husband is willing to say something to them. Should we?

Answer 1

I would try not to be offended because that's not what they are trying to do. I think they are just really proud of their grandson and want to show him off to everyone else. I don't think you should say anything to them, they are old and most likely won't listen anyhow. Let them have their little moments.

Answer 2

ummm i think you should just ignore it unless they are like really disrespecting you.........other than that just ignore them

Answer 3

i believe all in-laws are like this. they act like they know everything, when in fact, they dont. my husband spoke up to his mother. if it is bothering you, then you should too

Answer 4

They are over stepping their boundaries because you let them. You need to draw the proverbial 'line in the sand". If it is unacceptable, tell them to stop. If it really isn't hurting anything, let it go. Pick your battle wisely.  

Answer 5

sounds like my situation to the T - i would suggest saying something because if you don't put a stop to it now god knows how far they will go in the future, i had to pull my MIL aside and explain how her actions were making me feel and to be honest she ddidn'trealise she was doing it - and then got upset because she knew she over stepped the mother boundaries  some things i spoke to her about she has not done since -but now they ddon'teven make the effort to come and see their gran-daughter which upsets me because i know they only do it out of spite for me. but nnever-mind that's life - if they want to miss out on seeing my daughter that's their problem - she has more then enough love and attention in my household. good luck this can be a delicate matter let your hubby do most of the talking but do say something dont just stand there - STAND YOUR GROUND !!

Answer 6

They sound like proud grandparents.  

Sorry but you sound paranoid or looking to make trouble with you in-laws.

You say "they blatantly disregard your parenting directives of those and your husband".  Then you say "they only do this at family functions".  How often could that possibly be?  Then they only see them a "couple times a month" and "they have no hand in raising him".  So what are they doing and how often can it be?

It really sounds like a little spoiling from some loving grandparents.  Also I bet your husband "is willing to say something" only to keep peace with you.  He probably honestly sees nothing wrong.

Personally I think you are over reacting.  Please don't punish them for simply loving their grandchild.  Your child will be hurt in the long run too.

Answer 7

Absolutely say something to them!  This is YOUR son, not theirs.  You are the parent....you have your own way to parent your child.  The in-laws need to respect and adhere to this.  If your husband is willing to say something that is half the battle!  Go to them together, without your son, and explain to them that you are the parents and you would like it if they adhered to your parenting directives.  You appreciate the fact that they love to be with their grandchild and show him off at family functions, but you do not want to confuse him by having different rules.  Or something like that...

Good Luck

Momma P

Answer 8

I would let your husband talk to his parents.  From my experience, if I say something to my in-laws, it just makes matters worse.  Regardless of their reasons for stepping into your parental role, it clearly is crossing your boundary and should be addressed.  If he talks to his parents and they don't change their behavior, I wouldn't hesitate to next time have the talk at the family function when their behavior is occurring.  

Answer 9

he should absolutely say something.  I think that too many grandparents forget what it was like when their children were young and it was THEIR parents being the over-controlling grandparents.  I used to have this problem with my mother-in-law.  My husband refused to speak up, so I did.  Things have been much better since.

Answer 10

If they are anything like my parents and in-laws, they are proud of their grandchild, want to show him off, and nothing more.  I think my dad is hilarious when he does this, it actually makes me smile b/c I see a new side of him and realize how much he loves that baby.   : )

Answer 11

how can you not say something..if you don't it is only going to get worse and they are going to take over more and more, and they are going to think they have a right to b/c you or your hubby have never brought it up as an issue...do iyt soon...feelings may get hurtr but heck..this is your kid and you have a right, every right to not be bullied so that they can look like the doting grandparents!

Answer 12

I think he should say something in a non-confrontational manor. Them disagreeing with your parenting reflects you two as parents and that probably makes you and your hubby look bad. I don't thinks it's right because it is obviously making you uncomfortable and it will only get worse with the second child. Hope that help good luck and congrats on baby # 2!

Answer 13

If it offends both of you, then your hubby should definately say something.  Hopefully you'll open their eyes.