Why do my parents always make me feel like a failure and what can I do to stop caring what they think of me?

Question

When I was in my teens, I thought it was just being a teenager that made my relationship with them so difficult. But even after I reached my twenties and left home they still have this strange ability to make me feel like a fool and a failure. "Why?" seems to be one of their favourite questions but I'm sick of feeling as if I have to constantly justify my actions to them.

I'm about to go home for a week and I'm dreading it, does anyone have any advice on how I can stand up for myself and not let them make me feel so foolish all the time?

Answer 1

Get a good job, earn loads of money and laugh in their face.

Answer 2

Parents want the best for their children and because of that often apply pressure to the children to live up to unrealistic expectations. There is a transference of the parents dreams and goals onto the child, as well as a certain amount of "don't make my mistakes" type of advice. Keep in mind that this generally springs from love, even if it is done in a judgemental way.

How to you fight this during your visits? With a very pointed, firm, yet polite answer. "Because that is what I choose", "because that is the way I am and I like the way I am", "because it makes me happy". Never get rude but always point out that you are an individual. If they don't take the hint you might have to flatly state to them that it is too bad they can't accept you as an individual but if they don't quit making you feel bad you will cut your visit short. It is okay to let them know this behavior has gone too far. But again, to so calmly and politely because you know it is done out of love. You can also point out that you respect them and wish that they could show you the same courtesy.

If none of this works it is okay to decline to visit again. This does not make you a bad person, it just makes you wise enough to not put yourself in a stressful situation.

Answer 3

tell them how you feel and if they don't take that into consideration then tell them off or something and don't visit them anymore simple, your in yoor twenties take action your old enough.

Answer 4

Im really sorry for the way you feel, but have you ever sat down and asked them what is their problem with you? face them tell them how upset they make you feel and what do/ did they expect from you. they cant read your mind so ask the question

Answer 5

When they ask a question on "why" you do something, just say, "That's the way I do things, let's change the subject".  

Answer 6

Can you honestly say that some of this is not in your head and I do not mean that in a bad way. i have the same problem only the other way round. My daughter will say something to me and I am like I never thought that or said that. but she thinks that is what I think, if you get my meaning. she wants to take more responsibility than I am asking off her. for example she will say I do everything for your kids. even though she works and I do not because I have a disabled son.  

Answer 7

ignore them  

Answer 8

Every Parents thinks that we are not fit for anything.

There are two main reason they are

   1) They think they know much than us.

   2) They are underestimating us.

The both reasons is because of the care on us.

For instance my parents always looks me as a "Big reckless" the reason is obvious I am really a reckless person. I like to be that.

But I am not reckless about serious matters like My future, my education, etc...

One day I will show them what I am made of...

Don't worry every cat will have it's day.  

Answer 9

My advice is to not go home! You dont need people like that in your life esp not your parents. If they ask "why?" just say "because". Not a lot you can argue against that!