Why do non-adoptees feel the need to answer.......?

Question

Why do non-adoptees feel the need to answer questions that are directed to adoptees only?

Answer 1

Good question.  I guess it depends on the subject, and if they feel that they have the necessary expertise to provide pertinent information.

Answer 2

Notice how no non-adoptees are answering this question?!?  Maybe if you ask the question again and this time say "adoptees answer only" please, they will answer.

They answer because they think that they know everything.  They answer what they want to believe because the truth hurts too much.  Don't speak for adoptees unless you have walked in their shoes.

Answer 3

I have answered questions on behalf of my husband, an adoptee, when I know what he would say, because if all someone is looking for are opinions or personal experiences, I can offer his.

Answer 4

I'm not sure of that. Maybe if someone in their family is adopted, they feel like they have something in common to share. I don't know.

An adoptee.

Answer 5

because you're asking an open question...Besides how do you know if they're adoptees or not?

Answer 6

Same reason some adoptees answer questions from people wanting informaiton on how to adopt.

Sometimes people just want to get their two cents worth in the mix.

Answer 7

Sometimes people who know adoptees think that they can speak for them based on things that the adoptees tell them.  What people fail to realize is that adoption is a sensitive subject for people to talk about and they might tell you what they think you want to hear.  Adoptees are people pleasers.  We want to fit in and belong, and deep down inside most of us never really feel like we do.  We are expected to be nothing but grateful and to feel lucky that we were adopted.  

If the adoptee is in your family, or you know their family, they might not want to tell you their negative feelings for fear that it will get back to their family and hurt them.  I wish that I wasn't adopted but I would never tell my adopted family or anyone close to them that.  It would hurt them to much and I would never ever want that to happen.

Please, if you are not adopted, don't answer the adoptee only questions.  It doesn't matter if you have an adopted child, brother, sister, mother, father, cousin or whatever.  Unless you are adopted, you can not speak for us.

**What's with the thumbs down?  Are you non-adopted people mad that you can't answer questions that are not directed to you?  Give me a break, what did I say that was so controversial.  I am adopted, that is how I feel.  Learn from it, think about it.  I think that you know that I am right.

Answer 8

I generally don't answer questions that are specifically addressed to people who are in a different position than I am, but if I have an answer that I think the asker might be interested in I still send it to them in an email.

Usually they send me a reply telling me they appreciate my input.

Answer 9

they might have experience with someone close to them being adopted but it really depends on the question. for the most part, if you state 'adoptees only' they people shouldnt answer unless they have been adopted.

Answer 10

I don't answer questions that are for adoptees only. Sometimes I do answer questions maybe directed at other people (first moms, adoption professionals, etc...) only if I feel I have a perspective or even information that might be valuable to the individual asking the question. I would hope the person asking the question would appreciate the advice if that is what they are honestly looking for.

ETA: Adoptees ask not to be silenced and hopefully you would give the same respect to adoptive parents. Even though we don't go through near the pain adoptees do, there can be a lot of pain on the side of the adoptive parents as well. I experienced this when we adopted my son. It helped to talk about it. We don't want to be silenced either. That's a little hypocritical to ask us not to answer certain questions.

Also, I have a very open adoption with my son's first mom. Sometimes I like to speak on her behalf or about our relationship since I don't think she has an opportunity to do so. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

Edit: I think it's wrong to assume that we all want to supress adoptee voices. This is sooo hypocritical. I've noticed a lot of adoptees and first moms have learned that not all of us adoptive parents are horrible evil people, but it seems there are still people who want to believe we are all the devil. That kind of sucks.

Well, I have an adopted child who I love more than life itself and probably will end up knowing him better than he knows himself (like I do my husband :) ). I will not be silenced either. I can speak based on my experiences with him. How do you know that I will not support him in all the ways that the adoptees on this website have requested they be supported? I plan on it, so for people to try to silence me is so wrong and so hypocritical.

Answer 11

They want us mute.  It suits them that way

ETA  the most amusing ones are the ones that go a bit like this "Well, my hairdressers, brother's wife's grandson's friend is adopted and he doesn't feel [insert whatever adoptee is supposed to think or feel]  like they are some authority on the subject LOL

Answer 12

Maybe for the same reasons that adoptees answer for bio and birth moms.  Happens all the time.   Sometimes people "outside the box"  actually have some good insight.

Answer 13

um...what??  Like what questions?