Why do other mothers my age(or slightly younger) assume I'm not "mom" material?

Question

I'm in my mid 20s and I see more and more people my age(or slightly younger) having kids, something I've been kinda longing for recently.

I went to the hair salon yesterday. The girl who did my hair was very nice and a good conversationalist, so I don't think she meant any harm nor offense. This girl was my age, and later it was revealed that she's married with 2 kids of her own. When I first sat down in the salon chair, I thought I heard her ask me, "Are you a mom?" but I wasn't sure if I heard right, so I asked for clarification, and turns out what she really asked me was "Is that your mom?" in reference to the woman who'd coincidentally entered the salon the same time I did.

:(

What a demotion, to go from being perceived as motherly, to being mistaken for a teenager that needs her mommy to drive her to the salon! In reality, I haven't gone to the salon with my mom in 10yrs...back when I was 15, before I had my driver's license. But I realize that I look young...I look 17.

Answer 1

Many people, for some odd reason, jump to conclusions and are vocal about it. Very stupid on her part.

Example, my dad visited my sister and her kids in Georgia a few weeks ago. The waitress asked him if my sister was his wife. My dad is 48 and my sister is 30. Makes the waitress look dumb. Could have been an honest mistake, but what business is it of the waitress?

You could take your situation as a compliment. You look good for your age. Some people assume I am 5 years younger (although I honestly don't see it).

Answer 2

Well it's usually a little obvious to me who has kids and who doesn't just by what they talk about, and their priorities. I probably look as young or younger than you (I'm only 21) but generally within 2 sentences of conversation with a stranger I am either talking about their kids with them or have nothing to say.

As far as a house, I don't know what she was about telling you not to buy one. More people I know who own houses DON'T have kids. I don't see what's wrong with that, there's enough and more to go around lately. In fact, it was very easy for me to afford my house until I got pregnant and had to take off work to have this baby, now we barely make ends meet and have to do a lot of odd jobs to get the bills paid.

Anyways, I fully support young homebuyers as well as young mothers. I am both, without any help from my parents and even without a college degree. I get so sick of people writing off anybody under thirty as a legitimate human being because of a few spoiled brats that can't pull it together that end up on Dr.Phil.

Answer 3

I think it's simply that when you do have children, you just can't help talking about them. Since in the conversation you didn't mention them, she assumed you didn't have any. Especialy when talking house. I didn't have kids when we bought ours but I know I mentionned "Wow, there is a parc right beside. Oh and that nice little room, perfect for a nursery". Your criterias change when you have or are planning for children. She may have not felt this type of attitude when you talked about the house. Or maybe you just said you were living in a small appartment, which tipped her off. The fact that you look 17 must play it's part too --maybe she assumed you were barely 18 or 19. As for asking if that was your mom, you shouldn't feel insulted. I'm 25, pregnant, and I go to many places with my mom --she's like my best friend. Many mom and daughters go to the salon together --it's bonding.

Good luck in finding your dream house--don't let anybody decide for you if it's the right time ;)

ps: i think it's a good thing to buy a house prior to have kids. It's a security both financialy and in the fact you know you will be able to provide a stable environment.

pps : don't say you are "ttc" if you ain't... people remember this and she'll ask and ask how it's going, and people become very curious about this... It'll worsten your situation. Just laugh it off -- you're lucky to look so young and if you are not thinking about children (before many years), it shouldn't insult you that people assume you are not yet ready for children.

Answer 4

i'm 20 going on 21 been out of school for 4 years and i have a 9 1/2 month old and my cousin who's 15 looks older than me.

when we are out 2gether people think my child is hers and and that i'm 16 years old. i dont get upset i take it has a compliment i like fooling people and people mistaking me for a lot younger than i am. I have my own car my own apartment and a great job and i'm thinking of getting a house pretty soon 2.

But people tend 2 4get back in the old days people were getting married in their early teen years and having kids. there isnt nothing wrong with us getting ahead as young as we are at least we would'nt have to worry about those things later down.

So embrace their foolishness, stupidity whatever u want to call it But look at it as we are better prepared, our priorities are in order and we have ourselves well put together hunny!

Answer 5

Be happy that you look young, and don't be easily offended when people say silly things or ask stupid questions. It doesn't really have anything to do with being mommy material. People still give me grief because I look more like my daughters older sister than her mother. I take it as a compliment.