Why do others assume that because parents like me don't give their teens birth control....?

Question

Why do people assume that we are not teaching or educating our teens about s*x just because we teach them abstinence and we don't dole out birth control to them? Birth control is not an absolute protection from sexual transmitted diseases or pregnancy, but abstinence is. I think once a child becomes an adult and is ready emotionally and financially to take on all the possible out comes of having s*x, then they are ready to start having s*x. Not all teens will just "do it". Many of them don't.

Answer 1

I do not assume that of other parents at all. I always preached abstinence to my children. But, in reality, things happen. While a child may not be emotionally, physically or financially ready to become a parent or deal with a STD, they still fall in love, have sexual feelings and may make a poor choice in the heat of the moment.

I was not willing to take the chance of my children having their dreams squashed by a poor choice that resulted in a teen pregnancy or an STD when I decided to "protect" them by providing birth control. I never felt that I was giving them permission to have s*x or felt that they would be promiscuous because I did. I have never for one moment, regretted that decision to provide that protection. My oldest 3 went on to college, achieved their dreams and live very responsible lives.

I am anxiously awaiting the day I become a grandmother and they are able to give their children what all children deserve....a parent who is emotionally, physically and financially ready to raise them into adulthood.  

Answer 2

You're right, there are some teens that don't have s*x, but most do. I'm not saying that you should put your daughter on the pill, or teach her any different then you have been, but I would give her one condom 'just in case'. What if she gets swept away in the moment, just once, and gets pregnant? Then her teenage years are gone. Even the strongest person can give in. Why take a chance?

Answer 3

It doesnt bother me that you dont give your child birth control.

It bothers me that many parents dont even bother to educate their children about birth control.  If you dont want to give it to them, thats fine, I under stand that.  But I do want to make sure that they know how to properly use a condom.  I would rather my child have safe s*x than come home pregnant because I didnt bother to tell her.

Answer 4

It's your choice as a parent to not put your kid on birth control.

What I don't like is when the parents who choose to not have their daughters on birth control or teach kids about condoms, assume the kid isn't having s*x, the girl ends up pregnant and the parent blames everyone else.  That's when I have a problem.

Answer 5

You are doing the right thing. Teaching a teen to be responsible is the message, not here is what I want you to avoid but I don't trust you so take birth control.

Its not that hard to keep track of a teen if you know their schedule  I have a beautiful daughter and at eighteen she is able to make sure she only dates youngmen she wants to spend her life with.  One day she will choose one of them and will then talk to her doctor about birth control.

Of course she has an advantage she is growing up on a farm and knows how to get babies and how much there is to growing them to birth and how much trouble it is to take care of orphans.

Answer 6

because so many parents don't talk with their kids about s*x & the consequences.  I hope there are alot more parents like you out there who do talk with their kids.  I think if more parents had an open & honest relationship with their kids that included talking & LISTENING, the problem would not be as severe as it it.

keep talking!

Answer 7

That's good that your child thinks this way.  But will she be open enough to you if and when she starts having s*x at 14?  The fact of it is that most teens will have s*x before they reach adulthood.  Maybe it's 1/2 and 1/2, who knows the real percentages here.  I know when I started liking boys and getting more sexual, there was no way I was telling my mom stories about how a boy kissed me and did this and that.  But everyone's relationship with their children is different.

Answer 8

i may take a hit for this BUT



my mom absolutely did not give me birth control.  not condoms, not pills nothing.  It would never occur to her to both tell me not to have s*x before marriage, then go around and say "but since you are, here's some pills!"  in fact, it irked me when s*x ed people at school assumed i was having s*x.  not all teens are having s*x, despite what the media tells you.  so long as you have raised your teen right, she/he will protect themselves.  When i decided to have s*x with my boyfriend (now husband) i was fully aware of how to protect myself against pregnancy, stds, etc.  If i had questions, there were many people (probably better equipped to talk to) like a doctor or a nurse.  I reserve my mom's wisdom for other things.  

In short, i think you're doing the right thing.

Answer 9

My opinion on the issue is simply based upon how I was at the age of 15. No, I wasn’t having s*x, but it was on my mind. I had many guy friends and there were always people involved in and talking about s*x. Knowing the peer pressure I had, knowing the opportunities I had (if you can call them that) to hook up with guy if I wanted to….I personally would like to rest a little better knowing that if my child feel they can’t be honest and open with me about this, that they’re protected in terms of pregnancy. As for STD’s, sometimes not even condoms can prevent this depending on the disease. But I sure as heck will give the talk and explain about pregnancy and STD’s.

Some schools do this too but people have their panties up in a bunch so much that even schools struggle in teaching s*x education. And the point is that everyone should be pressing the issue. s*x is a VERY big deal amongst teens nowadays. I almost died when I saw that Maury episode (and on the news) where girls wore those jelly bracelets. The more bracelets the more “hooking up” that person did. Different colors meant different s*x acts. At 15 yrs old?? That’s some scary stuff.

I don’t think every parent needs to put their child on birth control. But as a parent, I’m going to educate, educate, educate. Of course you would like for your kids to stay abstinent first and foremost. But that doesn’t always pan out. And I’d like to be a overly concerned parent that takes precautions rather than I naïve parent….(And no I’m not saying you are naïve)

Just my opinion….

Answer 10

They can get birth control with the parent anyway so it's really no big deal.. But they are going to have s*x no matter what... Birth control or not.  

Answer 11

I find that I have that problem myself sometimes :)

Growing up my parents were always open about s*x and talked with us on a regular basis about it.  They educated us about s*x, they told us about the diseases, the risks of pregnancy, the heart break you can suffer, and they did tell us about birth control/condoms.  BUT they said that they will not ever supply us with contraceptives because they don't want us to believe that it's ok to have s*x as long as you are "protected".  To them, handing us condoms/birth control and then saying "we don't want you to, but here it is just in case" was sending a mixed hypocritical message.  They raised us on rules based on the Bible and I am grateful for it.

Condoms don't protect from emotional scars and they certainly don't protect from certain STDs such as genital herpes (skin to skin contact will do that), pubic lice or HIV.  Do they lower the risk?  Sure.  Do they eliminate the risk? Nope.  I respected my parents and their decision and made the choice to remain abstinent until marriage.  I did so successfully as did my husband.  We were each others' firsts.  I can think of no great gift to your spouse than the fact that your body is for their enjoyment alone and that they are the only ones privileged enough to enjoy it.  I plan on taking that same approach with my children.  

Not everyone is doing it and not all teens will rush out and do it as some here have implied.  Believe it or not if you tell your teen to stand out from the crowd and remain abstinent, you may be surprised to see them respect themselves and their bodies.  I didn't want to be another teen who had s*x and I wanted to save my body for my future husband.  I don't regret my choice for a minute.  Have faith in your kids.  Don't make them feel like they are incapable of controlling themselves.  They have self control and must be taught how to demonstrate it.  Teaching abstinence doesn't make you naive or mean that you aren't teach your kids about s*x.  It means you believe enough in your kids to say you have the ability to stand out from the crowd and wait  until you are an adult (preferably married).

Answer 12

True, but many of them are " doing it" and the parents don't know.   They don't tell parents everything.  Remember when you were a teen.

There is not one parent out there who wants their teen to have s*x, they all tell them not to do it, but they  will do  it anyway.  Thats the reality. Thats why their are so many teen pregnancies.  The parents had NO idea they were having s*x and just about all of them were not on birth control.

You have to teach education also, otherwise they will not be smart enough to when peer pressure kicks in, the consiquences of thier actions.

You would be surprised at the teens who do get pregnant.   Church going, Honor roll , students who parents are strict on them.   yes they have s*x also.

I wish teens would all wait until they were adults.

Answer 13

birth control is not a protection for sexually transmitted diseases AT ALL.but i think they will DO IT ... cuz they wanna know what its like... they dont always have to be "ready"....and when they do have it ... 9 times out  of 10 they wont tell the parents cuz they are scared of their reaction to the situation ....

Answer 14

All kids should be taught about responsible s*x. Just because we push birth control doesn't mean we are condoning pre marital s*x. I was one of those moms that thought teens on birth control was promoting s*x and I wouldn't consider it.

Finding out that your 14 year old daughter is pregnant is something I would never wish on another mother but an event like that changes your whole outlook on when prevention should be considered. Be sure you leave that avenue open for discussion by not refusing to even consider it if your teen thinks he/she might become sexually active. You don't want to have to deal with the alternatives.

Answer 15

I really think that as a parent if you give your child birth control it's saying it's ok to go out and sleep around.

Answer 16

i think what you're doing is right, however, not every teen is going to follow abstiance.  Teens need to know it's okay to say no, but if they can't they need to know how to protect themselves.  You might want to add that part next you give your teens the s*x talk.