Why do people always think this?

Question

Why do people always think that women are the only ones affected by miscarriages? Why don't people think that it's something that affects us to? I asked a question yesterday about me wanting a baby, but my wife not wanting a baby, because she had a miscarriage last month. Someone who posted an answer said I was a selfish jerk for wanting another baby so soon. Dose this really make me a jerk? I am hurting just as much as she is from all this. I really wish we could have another baby, but when we got married our parents had to sign consent (were minors) and part of our deal was that we wouldn't have another baby until we were out of high school. How can we deal with not having a baby right now? My wife goes to counseling, but I don't like going because I don't feel right there.

Answer 1

You are not a jerk if anything its amazing that you are a guy who cares about your wife and who wants a child ...

as I said before its nice to know that not all the men on this place want advise about abortions for their girlfriends!!  

Answer 2

The main reason, in my opinion anyway, is society. However, it's also the fact that the woman is the person who carries the baby. The child is inside of her. The baby is part of her, as well as the father, but it often feels as if the father isn't, or can't be, as close to their unborn child as the mother can.

Now, I'm not going to say wanting another child is selfish, but I do think you need to give her time. A baby is a lot of responsibly, not just a toy. Chances are, it's probably better that you two do wait until after high school- for you, your wife, and the child. Seeing as you want a baby so badly though, maybe you could babysit. I know it's not common that guys do so, again, mainly because of society, but it might make you want to wait for a little bit, or at least give you a sense that some child is around that you are guiding. If you don't want to do that, I suggest you go talk to the counselor, or at least someone you trust and feel comfortable around. Enjoy your youth while you can. You still have your whole life ahead of you.

Answer 3

Men and women deal with this sort of thing differently. It's definitely too soon to be asking for another baby. Men prefer a 'fix it' approach, whereas your wife will need time to grieve for the baby you've lost.

I think you just need to be a bit more patient and understanding of how your wife is feeling. Wait until she is ready to have a baby again, otherwise she'll still be grieving.

Don't you think that perhaps you could benefit from counselling? It's important to talk about how you're feeling. Even if it's just telling your wife. Communication is an essential part of any marriage. It will help her heal to know what your thinking and feeling.  

Answer 4

I am sorry for you loss... I know how it feels.. I lost a baby at 5 months and was very very sad... My boyfriend didn't seem as sad as I was but he said he just has a different way of showing it.  I would suggest going to counseling too.. .I mean think about it... do you feel right being sad all the time about the baby?  Im sure you don't.... so not feeling right going to counseling is normal but it will help you deal with all these feelings and emotions that will just stay bottled up in you if you don't learn how to deal with them... good luck to you and your wife... you will be blessed with another baby... I got pregnant 2 months after our loss and am currently 4 months pregnant... God does listen to prayers... just keep faith.

Answer 5

You are not a jerk, or selfish. Your wife probably doesn't want another baby right now because she doesn't want to think about the thought of losing another child. Just give her some time.

Answer 6

ok hon first off i do believe it affects both i have had 6 myself and it hurt my partner really bad luckily i have had 4 beautiful girls as well.i had all 4 off the back of miscarriages and it had been straight away all withen a couple of months.now i dont think ur selfish what i would say is you BOTH need to be ready and she may need some time to physically recover and you both need some time to grieve for the baby you lost.you should talk to eachother comforting and understanding and find out exactlly how you both feel and then make a dicision together.

good luck

Answer 7

i dont think your a selfish jerk.

i do however think that you should wait till you are a little older before you have a baby. when i had my first, my ex husband was 16. we wanted a baby, but the reality is a different thing altogether.

You notice i say ex husband?

babies bring alot of strain into relationships, and when you are younger, its harder.

im sorry to hear about you baby, you sound like you will be a very caring loving father one day.