Why do people always want to adopt babies or toddlers but not older children or teenagers that are more

Question

independent? Why do people that have already adopted one child want to adopt more?

Answer 1

i'd guess because people want to raise a child and shape it, not just look after one that's already got it's own ideas about everything and knows that it's going to be adopted.

Adopting a baby can be almost the same as having your own child. It never need to know it was adopted whereas a 16 year old may leave home after a year or two, would you really get a chance to become its mother?

I would say people who have one adopted child and want another are exactly the same as any couple who have one child and then decide to have another. They adopt more because they want to complete their family and give other children the oppertunity to ave a family too.

Answer 2

I think it's because your need of bonding with an Achild is so great and it's so much easier with an infant than with an older child that may have some issues, already knows some of his history and a teenager.. well teenagers are tough in general and one who's up for adoption might pose a real challenge. NOt saying it's right or wrong...

As ppl who adopted one and want to adopt more.. it's the same as a person who had one kid and wants to have another one, to have a bigger family etc! After a successful adoption parents are very likely to adopt again.

Im sorry to hear that you were the least favorite child, is not  fair and has nothing to do with being 3rd or 2nd... your mom wasnt right in her mind to tell you this.  

Answer 3

The older children are usually flawed, troublemakers and worse due to the way they were, or were not raised.

Babies, on the other hand, are blank slates and are usually able to grow into a normal, loving atmosphere.

I had this friend who turned her two adopted sons (8 & 9 year old brothers) back over to the State because the boys kept trying to burn the house down.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, in the majority of adoptions of older children the children are almost always victims of severe abuse.  This can include neglect, sexual, and physical abuse.  The older children often need a therapist and on going medical treatment.  They may have had broken bones that where not properly treated and need a series of surgeries to correct the issue.  Also, older children tend to take there frustrations out on the children around them and may be a danger to other children in the home or at school.  They also can be sexual abusers to other children if they have been victims themselves in some cases.  It is usually best for older children to be adopted by a family with no children who can take on the additional problems the child may have.  

Answer 5

i was wondering that too - my husband and i were talking and decided if we would ever adopt it would be an older child, just because i aint a fan of diapers lol  

Answer 6

We have an adopted seven year old but she was place with us as a newborn, a relative's child.

We now have an eight year old and a fourteen year old living with us. Also relatives children.

Why we may not ever be able to adopt the older two (officially) it does not make the hubby and I love them any less. There are many people who "adopt" older relatives and care for them in long term kinship care agreements.

Answer 7

People feel older kids and teenagers will have a lot more issues which can be  true. That said they need homes and love just as much as baby or toddler in some cases I would say more. Since most babies and young toddlers will get adopted. I am only 25 but I have started to consider that maybe one day when I’m in perhaps in my late 40’s to early 50’s I would consider adopting a teenager or two if possible from the FCS.  I know that is very sad LT an 8 year old consider old, heck probably even in some cases some consider 5 to 7 years old too.

I really don’t get your question of people adopting more then one child? Why not? Why do people who have a natural baby choose to have more then 1 because they want to have more then one child.

Answer 8

I think they are worried that the older child might feel less connected to the adoptive parents than a child who is with them for most of his life.  

Answer 9

i knew a woman that took in older kids, they stole and lied. i felt really sorry for her. and she kept bringing them in. amazing person she was.

Answer 10

I adopted a baby because I am single and I could handle the issues of a baby.  I didn't think I'd be able to handle all the issues that would come with an older child.  Emotional and abuse issues, etc.  

You can grow with a younger child; you eliminate the abusive issues they have not been abused and put through all the foster families and such.

I've thought about adopting a second child because I want to grow my family.  If I were to adopt again, I'd want to adopt a child younger then my son would be at the time of the adoption.

Answer 11

I think in a lots of cases it is infertile people who are trying to get children as young as possible to simulate birth.  Sadly, many infertile people rush into adoption before they resolve their issues with infertility.

I have many friends who have successfully raised one child.  But why shouldn't adoptive parents want more than one child?  It is normal to want to be surrounded by family.

I truly admire parents who adopt older sibling groups.  They understand why adoption is in our culture - to give children homes - not tear infants out of their mother's and father's arms.  

Answer 12

Well, as an adoptive parent, I think any type of adoption is great.  We happened to adopt because we wanted to help and share our love and our fortune of having a good life.  Although we already had two great girls who were 12 and 13, we thought we would try for a boy through the County Social Services.  However, when it came down to it, it just so happened a young college student freakestly looked exactly like my wife, but younger put her child up for adoption the social worker thought it was an omen, when she gave birth, she gave birth to a girl.  We just got through celebrating her 16th Birthday, she is the love of our lifes, and will always be.  She is also the biggest cause of my grey hair, but I think that just comes with having girls.

Answer 13

The reason people do not adopt older children is because "bonding" is more difficult.  Children go through the bonding process before the age of 5.  If they have bonded correctly with a parent, they tend to develop with less emotional problems.  Older children who are/were in the foster care system probably had the bonding period disrupted by abuse and negelect from their bio-parents and then abandonment by removal into foster care.  As a result, many children have emotional problems that are indicative of poor bonding.  As children grow, the poor bonding creates problems in developing and maintaining relationships, TRUST issues, self-hate, rage, etc.  

Parents who adopt older children need to be aware that these issues will be present to some degree.  Because TRUST is such a difficult problem, the older children may not get along with the adoptive parents for awhile.  The child is testing the relationship.

Some people simply do not want to deal with these issues.  By adopting a baby or toddler, you can develop that bond and chances are the emotional problems will be less.

Also, one person (DCK2003) said that people should only adopt one child who has been abused because they might abuse others.  WRONG!

While the majority of older children have been severely abused, the majority DO NOT abuse.  Her statement is a SEVERE mis-representation of abused children!!!

And parents who are trained properly can deal with the issues that arise and do not need to only adopt one child.  In fact, it can be helpful to have another child in the home who also experienced abuse, because the two children can feel like someone understands.  

It is very sad.   By the time you are 8, you are considered too old to be adopted.  Very sad.

Answer 14

Older kids and teens usually come with a lot of emotional baggage from  either being orphaned or being removed from unfit parents and a lot of people don't want to deal with that. Some adoptive parents still want to try and pass an adoptive child off as their own, and a older child or teen will obviously have memories of their first parents and families. Some adoptive parents are young themselves and are not at an age where the feel comfortable parenting older children, and want to start with younger kids.

And why do people adopt more than one child? The same reason people give birth to more children, because they want a bigger family!

Answer 15

I think it has something to do with the younger kids and babies being easier to mold.  They mave problems, but you can nip them in the bud quicker.  I think the older kids are looked at as already having developed set habits and behavior.  This is what my mom told me when her and my dad were trying to adopt.  I feel bad for kids who haven't been adopted by a certian age because their chances of being in a stable home get lower each year.

Answer 16

Alot of this not wanting to adopt an older child is also based on how the system portrays adopting an older child.

My brother was a dopted at 14 to a single black guy. My brother was an angry 14 year old adolesent white male. They almost discouraged my brothers father in the adoption process. I understand that there were obstacles to overcome but they had already lived together for almost a year. They knew eachother and loved eachother. They knew what they were getting into and also knew the truth. My brother was partrayed as overly violent and aggressive. He was described as being basically an idiot with tons of learning disabilities. The truth is my brother was angry and rightfully so. He had been seperated from everything he knew. But he needed someone to help and support him rather than ostracize him. He also had add. He did fine in school but again needed encouragement. He loves his father unconditionally and he talks to him ever single day even though he lives in another country and only sees him when hes on leave.

I was also adopted at 14 and was portrayed as a very troubled older child. I have ODD, is what is said in my records. Opositional Defiant Disorder! For christ sake i was 14 and a teenager! What 14 yo do you know that isnt oppositional. Mostly they said this because I had my own opinions and voiced them. I didnt want to visit with my mother who had passed up ridiculous amounts of chances to right her wrongs so i was oppositional. I had b*****s by the age od 12 so i was overly sexual and practically a s**t, as described in my reports. I would just like to say i never had my first kiss until i was 17! Is that overly sexual?

My adoptive sister was told she would never be able to graduate high school, nor would she be able to make it to age 18 without sexually assaulting our little brother. Sh graduated from one of the best high schools in Maryland. She went to college and was responsible enough to know that she couldnt do it so she chose a cosmotology school, she and my little brother have an amazing relationship.

If thats just 3 examples that hit so close to home for me imagine all the other children in the system.

Now i dont deny that older children will be more difficult but that is typically the case in any household. Will older children also have baggage. Of course. But maybe people should try to get to know the children themselves...