Why do people always want to find the birthmom, but rarely the birth dad?

Question

Why do people always want to find the birthmom, but rarely the birth dad?

Answer 1

I dont mean to be offensive, but a lot of times people think the mom is a closer thing. Even though really, both are very important also her mom may be on the certificate.

Answer 2

I don't feel that is true.  It could be that those searching believe if they find their natural mother that she will have information on their natural father.

Answer 3

How often are fathers disregarded in society?  How many no good father who ran out when she was pregnant stories have you come across?  How many times are men minimized and degraded by being called just a sperm donor and not a father?

It's not surprising at all that adoptees don't automatically have a curiousity about their fathers.  

Also, "birthdad?" there is something deeply disturbing about such a awkward term as "birthdad" Men don't give birth.

Answer 4

I think most of the time they care more about the mother because moms are usually more caring and want to see o possilbe want to know about their kids; but usually men aren't as open up to things and arent as caring about the situation. The birthfather of my baby I know will never be in the picture and its sad and Im hoping that once my baby grows up he wont want to know him but you just never know "I put my baby up for adoption"

Answer 5

I feel just in general children feel closer to their moms than their fathers, just the nurturing thing I guess. Plus they are the ones that have to go through all the pain !! Im adopted and looked for my mom rather than my dad first. I ended up meeting them both so it was good anyway.

Answer 6

Well my mom & dad both died about 2 yrs ago just a couple weeks apart.  A few months later one of my sisters told me that she was actually my birth mom & I was adopted by my grandma & her husband (who I still call my mom & dad)  I'm not interested in finding my birth dad, for one, because I consider my dad to be the one who raised me.  And the other reason my birth mom doesn't know for sure who the birth dad was!

Answer 7

Because many times it is due to the birthfather's lack of involvement that the birthmother must consider better options for her baby.  Not always, of course.  Sometimes there is a very involved and loving birthfather or legal father (husband) present, who gives tremendous support to the birthmother during the adoption process.

And sometimes the birthfather is not specifically known to the birthmother.

Answer 8

because sometimes the BIO Dads are creaps or a molester that is why for me my bio dad molested me and i want mothing to do with him.

Answer 9

Most of the time, there is no information on the birthdad. Most birthdads aren't even looking. Secondly, in so many cases, the reason why the gal didn't keep her child is because he ran out on her.  

My son's birthfather actually did look for him, but his information was wrong (birthday and year were wrong).  This is actually kindof common unless the birthparents kept some sortof paperwork. I have to admit that I was stunned that he even bothered considering he never came to the hospital to see his son.  Anyway, birthfather knows I found my son and I have all the contact info if my son asks for it.

Answer 10

Probably because its only the mother's name on the birth certificate. Most people who give up a baby for adoption are not in a stable relationship where the father of the child is present.

Answer 11

In some cases the reason the they may have been put up for adoption was because the father walked out and the mother felt they couldn't handle it alone. So in many ways the child could resent and blame the father for being put up for adoption.

Answer 12

Because society has degraded men to "sperm donors".  And there are a lot of men who end up being completely out of the picture during the mom's pregnancy and birth.  But then there are a lot of men who want to be active in their child's life and often are not given a say about what becomes of their child (whether the mom chooses abortion or leaves the father's name blank on the birth certificate so she can place the child for adoption).

Answer 13

mother is more important for children and the child is part of his/her mother not the father

Answer 14

i found my birth mom 8 years ago. she gave me the info on my father. he was not involved with the adoption,as he left town when she was 4 months pregnant and didn't stay in touch. it is a lot easier to search for the mother,as it is her name on the records,you don't know if the father is or not!.

Answer 15

I think it is mainly because of the strong bond between a woman and child.  A lot of people underestimate how strong that bond can be.  I think that after 9 months of being in a womb you develop a strong connection with that person, and to lose it through adoption only intensifies a person's desire to know where they came from.

Answer 16

1. Because finding the birth mom is often seen as something that must be accomplished before the search for the birth dad can begin.  She might be the only person who can tell you who to search for.

2. Because the birth dad might never have met you and still might not even know you exist.  The birth mom knows that she has a child out in the world somewhere, and it's only natural to wonder, "Does she think of me?"  She's also a person who can tell you what your birth was like.

3. Because in some parts of the US, growing up without knowing your birth dad is not abnormal, whether you are adopted or raised by your birth mom.  So, adoptees might feel like not knowing birth dad is just part of life and not feel the absence as deeply.

Answer 17

I think it has to do with the fact that we are born from from women. We come from their womb, we are tied to them until the cord is cut the day we were born. Even then it is the mother who is our primary care giver. Mothers are the ones who meet our every infant need. Mothers are the ones who nurture us. They are the ones who protect us. Fathers are supporters of the mothers in most cases. There are rare exceptions of course but if you study infant and child attachment you will find that the mother is the one the child must attach to in order to build a life long feeling of security and love. We learn to love and be loved from our mothers first.

When an adoption plan is made for a child and they lose their biological mother it is sometimes call the Primal Wound. It is the deepest wound a newborn infant can experience. It is not known yet why some children can work through the feelings of this deep wound and others struggle with it. They spent the last 9 months prior to being born hearing their mothers voice from inside her womb. Suddenly the only thing he or she knows is taken away. It leaves a void. Sometimes it is a small void but other times it is a void the size of the Grand Canyon.

An interesting fact is that more adult female adoptees feel a deep need to seek our their birth family than adult male adoptees. I am not sure if it is because women empathize with a birth mother more and want to understand why more than a male can or if it is more the emotional aspect that women need to fullfill that unanswered question.