Why do people assume any teen girl holding a baby is it's mom?

Question

I babysit a 2 year old boy sometimes, I'm 15 but look 17 or 18.

Why does everyone assume he's mine?

We have different hair colour, hair type , eye color, eye shape, nose ,mouth, EVERTHING!

I get alot of rude comments and stares.

Answer 1

I'm 14 years older than my youngest brother, and when I was 14/15 I looked 17/18 (I'm very tall and filled out early).  Any time my mom left me alone with my brother in public I would talk loudly that "mom will be back soon" and stuff like that. Even then (mid '80s) I was hugely aware that people would assume that I was a teen mom.

I also had the problem of looking younger when I got older. I was married at 20 and was 21/23 with my first two children. We spent a lot of time in the mall in summer (we didn't have air conditioning at home). I looked about 17 or 18 still/again. I would get nasty looks, and since my husband wasn't with me (he was at work) I would occasionally get comments like "isn't it hard being a mother alone?" Not only did they assume I was a teen mom, they assumed I was a single mom.

Statistically there are no more teen moms than there were fifty years ago, but they used to be hidden away, shamed, locked in "young mother" institutions and their children given up for adoption without the mothers agreeing to it. Sometimes they would go "on vacation" with their families and the baby born elsewhere, and raised as her mother's child. It was shameful.

Now more teen moms are not only keeping their children but they are doing it in public. Also, more parents don't trust their children with teen sitters, they put them in licensed day care centers instead. In the new way of thinking, a teen is not capable of taking care of a child, even as a sitter, so a teen with a child is assumed to be the mother of the child. No one else would trust a teenage girl with their precious baby.

As for people assuming that the child you babysit is yours, just say politely something along the lines of "He's beautiful and I'd be proud to have him as my child, but I'm only the babysitter."

Answer 2

people now can't seem to assume it must be a younger sibling or something,

they just jump to conclusions and say they are your kids!

that's soooo annoying

Answer 3

People can be so judgemental but its the way of life now.

People have kids younger and younger.

Just correct them and carry on doing what you were doing.

also agree with the comment above. aslong as the kids are happy,healthy and cared for- who cares how old the mum is!

Answer 4

I used to take my brother out to the park or to get something to eat when I was baby sitting him. He is 7 years younger than me and when I was little I looked older and now I look younger than my age. odd. But everyone who passed me thought that he was mine. And it really bothered me back then. But I have learned that people just assume and judge and do it with out even thinking of the situation or anything. Or even care about asking. With out making a rude comment or a very unpleasant stare they could ask aww who does he/she belong to? And I know that when I have my baby I am carrying now or get further along people are going to stare and make rude comments because I look younger than I am. They wont even consider that hey maybe she looks young and is married because we really don't know. It is just the society we live in and we have to deal with it because only we and people we know will know the truth.

Answer 5

A friend of mine had a simular problem but the opposite...she was an older lady with a 17yr old daughter and a 2 year old son...everyone thought she was the grandma!!

Answer 6

Because some people are idiots..and assume everything..

i get the same looks when i take my little cousins out to the zoo or something.

Answer 7

If people stare, tell them to take a photo, it lasts longer.

Don't let ar$eholes bother you.

Answer 8

there's a lot of news/movies/TV shows about teen pregnancy. i suppose most people just think it's common nowadays...

Answer 9

I dunno but we were at a garage sale the other day and everyone there (my grandparents, aunt, and mom) looked to old to be my baby cousins parents and I was holding her and on occasion feeding her and wiping her nose and I got a lot of funny stares like they thought I was her mom. I suppose because people hear so much about teen pregnancy that they are paranoid.

Answer 10

I had my first when I was 25 and whenever I went out with my mom people thought it was her baby.  

But when I was a teen and took my sister out who was 12 years younger I'd get the dirty looks too.

People. are. stupid.  Just ignore them.

Answer 11

I don't assume that. I usually assume (and hope) it's a younger sibiling.

Answer 12

When you see a woman holding a baby it is human nature to assume that the woman is the child's mother.

Just as if you saw two individuals holding hands and assumed they were a couple.

It's a flawed part of humans quick rational deduction.

Answer 13

You have a great point. It is so annoying when it is obvious that you are being judged. I have been in similar situations in my past. Now I am a mom (a young mom) and sometimes if I am out with my mother I feel like people think my son belongs to her. That bothers me just as much. Understand?

Sometimes people just don't understand that there are many different types of families and I am a firm believer that a teen mother can be a wonderful parent. I am not encouraging it just stating that there is really no good reason for those gawkers to stare.

Sorry it makes you uncomfortable... try not to let it bother you and just have fun with the kids!

Answer 14

Many of my daughter's friends have baby brothers or sisters (she's twelve, and it's often from a second marriage). I never assume that a teen with a baby/toddler is its mum.

Answer 15

i know what you mean!! im 14 and prob look 17ish [[16-19 are the ages i get when i ask strangers]] but i was with my little cousin at chukee cheese and like 5 ppl asked me if i was her mom! and shes 3yrs old!! im very flattered because she is a beautiul little girl and we look a LITTLE alike but not enough to look related but you could so tell she isnt my kid! idk y ppl assume stuff!! like my sis has been asked if she was pregnant and she wasnt...things ppl say are so rude!! i swear!!

Desiree

Answer 16

I know exactly how you feel!!

I nanny a 1 and 3 year old and I'm 19, and I get the most horrible looks & comments.  What annoys me most is when I get a horrible comment about being "too young to be a mum".  Being a nanny, I've realised that age really doesn't matter.  So long as you can care for the child, and are able to bring it up in the best possible way, and provide for it, that's all it needs.  Being over 25 or whatever means nothing.

So now if I see a young mum, and the kid looks happy and cared for, I admire them!  Even moreso if the dad's with them.  However I must admit I think they've wasted a chunk of their life, but it's their personal decision.

But yes, I also hate it when the nice people are all "awww s/he's got your eyes/mouth/smile/etc." simply 'cause I feel rude embarassing them and saying "i'm not the mum" haha.