Why do people assume that the father doesn't do anything when they get home from work?

Question

I have seen many instances on here where women complain about doing 'unpaid work' by raising kids, cleaning house, and other such things while men just work one main job.

Am I the only person that had a father that helped raise the kids, helped clean the house and do the laundry, mowed the lawns, did routine maintence on anything that needed to be fixed (walls, cars, doors, etc.)?

(He even worked two full-time jobs while doing this on more than one occassion.)

Answer 1

My husband was just as much a parent as I was.  And, one of my brothers completely raised two little daughters WELL by himself and was extremely devoted to them.  My own father, way back when, although he wasn't into stuff like changing diapers, spent every single minute of his home time engaged completely with his children.  Unfortunately, men like that and your father are not the norm.  Research does confirm that working men in general spend far less time engaging with their children today in quality time than do working women.  

BUT, this is a very significant "men's issue" related to their right to be fathers and to enjoy their children.  In 1900, 95% of men in the U.S. lived in rural pedestrian communities and worked close with their children.  Industrialists launched a huge campaign to get men to give up that way of life closer to their families and come live in urban areas in which they worked away from their homes and communities and families in factories and such for huge chunks of the day.  Today, 95% of men live in urban areas and in ways of life in which they hardly ever see their children.  That is a HUGE social change and nobody talks about it.

This last century has seen men forced to give up their "traditional"quality-time with their children.  Men need to fight that like crazy, advocate for paternity leave, advocate for on-site childcare at their workplaces, advocate for quality childcare programs, advocate for all the REAL causes that actually help families rather than follow like sheep their Masters' propaganda about "it's a woman's place to stay at home and raise children and a man's "place" to work elsewhere for their masters".  Nonsense.  Institutions like the Heritage Foundation and the Eagle Forum are funded by the "masters".  Those organizations and many others with their so-called traditional "Family Values" agendas mean men harm, too, and spend BILLIONS on making sure that We The People define our family problems that our masters cause as petty gender war issues specifically to redirect our focus from the role that our masters are playing in destroying the REAL fundamental traditions of family life.

Answer 2

Well, usually when fathers come home from work, they're always tired. So they dont have time to help mothers clean, raise kids, ect...

My dad always comes home from work looking really tired becasue he worked for 13 hrs. And after lunch he'd take a shower and go to bed because he wakes up at 3:30 am.

Answer 3

The problem is that in many cases the woman has a fulltime paid job and still does the lions share of work at home.  Doors don't need to be fixed every day  - I have lived in this abode for 7 years and never once did any of the doors require "fixing".  By contrast, meals need to be cooked, pots and pans washed every day.  Lunches need to be packed, etc.  Why?   because people need to eat every day, and usually more than once!

“Because breadwinning is strongly associated with masculinity in most developed countries, men who live in cultures that place a high value on work as a central part of identity may feel a heightened pressure to devote themselves to distinctively work-related (versus household) activities. The author employs multilevel models to test this proposed relationship in 22 industrialized countries by matching International Social Survey Programme (ISSP) datasets from 1997 and 2002. The results confirm the author’s prediction that men are more likely to “do gender” in cultures that strongly value breadwinning activities. The analyses confirm the important role that expectations about masculinity play in men’s willingness to do housework, and highlight the significance of cultural context for understanding the link between men’s paid and unpaid work.”

http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_ap...

Rebel: the more macho the man, the more he buys into gender role stereotypes ("men are SUPPOSED to...") ,  the less likely he is to do his fair share of daily household and child care duties.

I also found this tidbit interesting:

"Regardless of the macro-level gender arrangements prevailing in a given nation, women’s earnings have a larger impact on the division of domestic labor than do men’s. In particular, they matter much more to women’s own housework time. The finding emphasizes the gender segregation of domestic labor, not only in terms of time, but also in the intrahousehold allocation of economic resources devoted to its performance."

Answer 4

You dad sounds like a really good guy. I think the problem is that yeah, a lot of the time it isn't like that. There are guys like your dad who genuinely want to contribute, and then there are guys who make their kids take out the trash and mow the lawn, and think it's their right to lay on their bum after getting home from work while everyone else waits on them. Some guys get the attitude that since they bring home the money, they don't have to do anything else.

On the other hand, there are also women who are technically housewives, but don't actually do anything around the house. My friend's ex was like that. She would tell him to change a diaper or get her a drink while he was in the middle of something else, even though she was just laying on the couch doing nothing. I went over there once when he wasn't home, and she let her daughter scream for like 15 minutes when all she wanted was a bowl of cereal. (I ended up getting it for her, since her mom was blatantly just going to let her cry.)

Basically, some people are just garbage, and it can be hard to stay unbiased when you've had to deal with someone like that.

Answer 5

Yes you are the only one.

Answer 6

The point is you "help", meanwhile, for women who stays at home, is compulsory.

Answer 7

you and your mother were fortunate.  not so much in our home.  my dad really wasn't nice to my mom or me and my sister for that matter... but the boys were golden.

Answer 8

Your very lucky because my dad does none of that. My mom basically raised me but my dad to be honest id say just did his job to support the family. But my mom had a job too when I was growing up. Its a common sterotype to think that because back in the day wifves were housewifes. The men hunted and spent most of the day outside. Therefore they would have less time to spend with the children. Also the dad is usually seen as the bread winner for the family. And that isnt necessarily true because most wives work as well. About the rest of your question maybe most of the people you talk to think that doesnt mean everyone does. Besides ive heard of single parents that are dads and raise their children with taking on a job.

Answer 9

It sounds like your father was a good man, and unfortuneately now a days, those are far and few between, or, at least that has been my experience, not saying they don't exist, just saying that they are hard to find.

Answer 10

Several times I have posted articles on here about men contributing to household chores - most of them positive.

Nonetheless, women continue to do the majority. They work at a job and then come home and have more work to do. More men are helping, but it is not 50-50 yet.

Unpaid work should not be taken lightly. Work is work. Cleaning toilet bowls, shower scum, dirty floors, etc. takes elbow grease. This work should not be undervalued.

Also, it tends to be menial, repititous work. Next week, it will be dirty all over again.

Moreover, housework, childcare, etc are jobs that are 24/7. Imagine living at your place of employment. Not a fun idea, is it?  

So there lies the problems - it is undervalued and unappreciated. That is the gripe. And it is NOT trivial.

Bravo to the men that help in the house - contributing to a partnership and sharing the work of a shared household

Answer 11

The same way some people assume that no women work for pay.  It's true that men do more hours in paid employment, but it is also true that women do more hours of unpaid work, and have less leisure time each day (around an hour).  So even if he's 'helping' - it's not as much as a woman 'helps' with the domestic work, on average :-)

Answer 12

Sorry to tell you but, dad's these days are getting kinda lazy. Not all but the few that are lazy seem to stick out... Not to mention give the other dads a bad reputation...

Answer 13

In this day and age it's different, but I personally had parents that were traditional and my mum did all the cleaning and shopping etc so that when my dad came home and the weekends he didn't have to lift a finger.

Answer 14

It just proves that not all men are the same, just as not all women are the same.

Answer 15

No, you're not the only one. My dad did the same thing.

I think a real man is a man who isn't a macho pig, someone who does his share of the chores... and so on.

EDIT-

I will be married in about a week, my fiance and I live together and own three dogs... who we treat as basically our babies. I go to college while he goes to work. Right now, I'm on vacation from school and I pretty much do things around the house- i.e cooking, cleaning, feeding the mutts, etc. Whenever I got home from school late and my fiance was at home, he would cook.. and vice versa. So, for us, it's an equal thing- whoever is home decides what's for dinner and to clean.

We were the lucky ones.

Answer 16

My husband cleaned our house after he got off work today because I was at Bible study. He also does all our laundry because I can't will the baby. We have to go to the laundromat to do it.

Answer 17

No, you're not.  While my mom did more around the house, especially when I was younger, she also worked outside the house far less than my dad did.  In fact, other than a brief 4-month or so period when I was about 5, she never had an outside job until I was 12.  So of course she's going to do more work.  My dad has ALWAYS done most of the yard work, except really simple things like watering flowers and stuff like that, and especially anything car-related (although my mom doesn't really know anything about cars to begin with).  

Any woman who cries about this and says all men are like this has a victim mentality and thinks the whole world is out to oppress women.  Sure, there are men like this (women too, I've known one), but mostly it's just griping and complaining.  They take one man they know who's like this and say all men are like that.

Libertad V- What is a woman supposed to be doing if she's staying at home?  I'm not saying she shouldn't get help, but if she's at home all the time and he's working 50 hours a week I think she should be doing most of the work around the house.

Untamed Rose- Studies also show that men work on average about 7 or 8 hours more oustide the house than women per week.  I believe that's only among men and women who have jobs as well, not including stay-at-home spouses.  I'd imagine that since most of those are women, that would skew the number even higher toward men working more hours.  I've tried to think of all the couples I know and I can't think of a single one where the wife works more hours than the husband does.  So women are naturally going to have more time.

I will say this, my mom did do the overwhelming majority of the work when I was younger, and still does more today.  My dad will admit he should've done more in the past, but he does do quite a bit now.

Rose- Some of that is true, but I meant that they just aren't working as many jobs that require so many hours as men.  I think it goes into gender roles.  Men are supposed to work and provide, women take care of the kids.

Answer 18

Studies have shown that in american dual working couples...the woman is still doing 70% of the house, cooking and child raising.

Of course there are plenty of men help around the house...and yes they are often over looked in forum's like this.  Debate always has a dramatical side....you dont argue with the weak points.  Yes my father helped and the house...he is also a much better cook then my mom.  Husband also helps and cooks around my house as well.

However...could you really see Axn, dsds, and a few of these other guys helping out?

Edit Rebel

Valid point and it supports the study I mention...if women are leaving work to pick the kids up on time, take them to the doc stay home when they are sick...they are going to do more house work and spend less time at work.  Think this also play's into the "wage gap" as well.  I have done this in the past where I worked more hours then the husband...so there is one but I will give you that it was unusual.

Answer 19

Well I love and respect my dad. But I came from a family where my mom supply taught and volunteered, raised 3 kids with medical needs, cleaned, cooked, mowed the lawn, shoveled the snow in the winter, did all the yardwork, etc.

If anything needed to be fixed my dad was "going to get around to fixing it". Tired of waiting, my mom would fix it herself or call someone in.

When my dad came home from work he went straight to the T.V. He did make us lunch on Sundays though.