Why do people call adoptees "damaged"?

Question

Adoptees are people not objects. Objects are defective and damaged not people. As human beings we have obsticales (some like to call them issues) to overcome.When I was adopted I was terrified of getting my head wet. This was from the abuse I had endured before my adoption. I was not damaged I had an obstical to overcome. With the love and patience of my parents it and some other obsticals were dealt with, and were no longer a problem. Do you really think people should be compared to inanimate objects?

Answer 1

Hi daisy.

There is nothing out of the ordinary that I have had to overcome, but everyone is different. I think its all about how you deal with the problems you have. Adoption is always going to be apart of an adoptees live, weather it be in a good or bad way. Adoption isnt an obsticle, its apart of life for an adoptee.

I have and had love and patience from my parents in everything I do. Even buying my first car!!

I think overcomeing an obsticle is like getting you car fixed. Obsticles are not apart of adoption. Adoption is Real life and is there forever. It depends on how people deal with their adoption.

Answer 2

I think terminology debates are getting in the way of other issues.

Answer 3

I am Adopted and I AM Damaged !!

My Self Esteem is Damaged, My /Heart is Damaged, My Confidence is Damaged and my Mind is Damaged.

Some of these things may get better , some of these things may heal but they will always be damaged

Damaged by my Mother giving me away :( :(

Damaged by being taken away from my roots :( :(

Damaged by Adoption :( :(

And that isn't comparing to a object its just stating a fact.

Answer 4

Because they think that all kids that were given up for adoption have something wrong with them or why else would they be given up?

People dont realize that a lot of us were given up so we could have a better life. I was given up by a woman who had 2 other kids that she kept. I am a girl and she kept the boys. At the time she figured that boys are more self sustaining and could always work. Plus she was not married and came from a large family.

I am glad she gave me up. I see where my life would have gone had she kept me. Her giving me up was the best thing she could have done.

I dont consider myself damaged. I look at it like I was chosen, my parents had a choice and they chose me.

I dont hate the woman for giving me up, in fact I am glad she did.

Being adopted makes you special not damaged!!!!!

Answer 5

Well good for you

So now you can go overcome your obstacles and leave other people to define their own experiences

Toodleoo

ETA  You misunderstood me.  I didn't tell you to literally go away.  Let me re-phrase 'continue overcoming your obstacles and leave other people to define their own experiences'

cruzgirl puts it very well :)

Answer 6

Please tell me where this is coming from.  I have never heard of an adoptee being labeled "damaged".  Good grief, damaged?  What is that about?  I am an adoptive mother of 2 and please, someone tell me where this is coming from.  I do not think my children were "damaged".  I am so sorry you have had to go through some pretty tough things, but you are not damaged, you were hurt and done wrong.  Don't be a victim.  Show the world that you have overcome and you are better than that.  Sorry.

Answer 7

obstacle-samstacle; issue-pussue

you say tomato, i say to-ma-toe,

People use damaged to describe some one who is emotionally unwell. Who are we to say that some one can't use this phrase.  I don't consider myself damaged, but if someone else wants to say that about themselves. I will let them. I'm not the boss of them.

Answer 8

As we go through life don't we all get banged up a bit?  No matter who we are?  Those scrapes and bruises define us.  It's who we are.  Some of the hurt and pain adds to our disfunction, some of it adds to our strengths.  Sometimes obstacles make us stronger, more interesting more empathetic people.  

To me damage implies that one is incapacitated. Most of the adoptees  I know are not damaged.   They lead happy, productive lives IN SPITE of what they have been through.    That to me is not damage.    There are a lot of damaged people in the world who simply cannot function due to their life circumstances.  The majority of these people are not adoptees. Most adoptees,  IMHO, are interesting, involved empathetic people regardless of the hurt they have experienced.

Answer 9

I've never heard of that before. It never crossed my mind that they are considered "damaged."  Well I don't think that adoptees are on bit "damaged." I guess some people are ignorant in this area which would led them to think that way I suppose.

Answer 10

People can experience damage, as well, both physical and psychological/emotional.  It's not just objects that are damaged.

As for your claim about overcoming OBSTACLES, I'm glad you overcame yours.  Mine aren't OBSTACLES to overcome, they are issues that I will be dealing with my entire life.  They do not define me or exhaust who I am, but they aren't temporary things that go away.  They are embedded in who I am.  I don't let them control me, but neither do I think that they are no longer there.

ETA:  You've missed the point entirely.  "Damage" does not refer only to inanimate objects.  And for me (and others) the issues you so casually dismiss are not OBSTACLES to overcome, they are part of who we are.  If you don't have those issues, fine.  (I wasn't saying you didn't.)  But your tone suggests that I (and others) have things we need to get over.  But the issues I deal with because of adoption are not things to get over, they are things to learn to live with.  If you had OBSTACLES that you got over, great.  But then you're talking about something different.

Answer 11

When my mother-law found I was addopted she said that my parents just took on someone else problems and I said well this problem loves your son so if Iam a problem get use to it  because I am not going any where I wouldn let her no she hurt me but I out   live the old bitty and Iam still around and still a problem for those that dont like me.

Answer 12

I don't know about you, but I AM damaged and I have issues, lots of them.  I have spent my whole life up until now insisting that I was fine...I'm FINE dammit, there's nothing wrong with me!

Then I realized that I was doing that in order to make everyone else happy and comfortable, all the while making myself more and more miserable.  Now, I am honest about being damaged, hurt, and needing to work through issues...and if anyone doesn't like to hear it, that's their problem, not mine.

Answer 13

You can define how you see your life as an adoptee.

Others should be allowed to define their own lives - any way they see fit.

Don't let it bother you. It's about them - not about you.

Don't take it on.

I - personally - have been very damaged by relinquishment and adoption - that's my truth - that's my take on MY life.